Thursday 24 June 2010

Even Men With Steel Hearts Love a Dog on the Pitch

So, for you Englander ze World Cup is over.

Yep, it's the germans again, but it will be different this time - won't it?

England were better, but that isn't saying a lot, even so the performance in this match would easily have been enough to beat Algeria and probably USA so by being utter shite in the opening two matches means England now go into unarguably the hardest half of the draw and will now need to battle past not just Germany but probably Argentina and Spain just to get to the semi-finals, their own fault though.

USA top the group with a last minute winner from Landon Donovan who then started blarting like the

that he is.

As for the Germans, well they don't look all that much to me, they seem to have gained some flair from somewhere but in doing so lost some of that ruthless efficiency and defensive stoutness that you would normally characterise them with. England have a chance you know.

Serbia might count themselves unlucky not to have got the draw against the Sheilaroos that would have taken them through, two goals disallowed and then a handball against Cahill that looked blatant but was waved away. Before that though Australia were briefly dreaming of the four goal turnaround that would have seen them through.

In tomorrows games, Paraquat only need a draw against the sheep botherers to guarantee going through and we will all be cheering on Slovakia so that Italy go out won't we?
And in group E it's winner takes all between Denmark and Japan.

Wednesday 23 June 2010

Sonia Lannaman Sleeps With the Fishes Tonight

Group A went as expected except that Uruguay actually beat Mexico to give Banofee Banofee just a glimmer of a chance. In the end they could only beat the cheese eating surrender monkeys 2-1 but it restores pride and sales of vuvuzelas.

Shame about France though eh? A real shame.

In Group B Greece's 9-0-1 formation makes them officially the most boring bastards in the World Cup 2010, narrowly pipping Switzerland and England. They were easily beaten by Argentina who, bless 'em, look very good.

As predicted (and it's not often I've been able to say that so far!) South Korea took the other place but Nigeria made them fight all the way and if Yakubu hadn't missed an absolute sitter they may have been representing Africa in round two.

Right. On we go.

A superb, swashbucling England performance full of pride, passion and belief with every player giving his all in a performance to gladden the heart of every true Englishman......

Well that's what we got from our Rugby players and cricketers over the last few days but I very much fucking doubt we'll see much of it at 3pm.

Yes I know the bloke above is actually Irish but we take them from wherever we can get them these days!

But we live in hope and now that it's well and truly make or break I suspect that England will do enough, it might not be pretty but we'll get there.

I also think that USA will beat Algeria and go through, a great day for US Soccerball.

There is a small chance that both ourselves and USA could finish level on points, GD and goals scored, in which case we would have to draw lots, how fantastic would that be?!

I assume that in the evening we are all Ghana fans? If they beat Germany it probably puts the Boxheads out, which would be very, very funny.

Australia v Serbia? Meh.

Enjoy your sickies England fans, your boss already knows.

Tuesday 22 June 2010

Rattling Bags of Calcium - Group A and B Deciders

Work has caught up with us here at AISTBAH Towers, so it's just a brief preview of the groups for now, once the groups have been sorted we'll be back with proper predictions, probably involving food.

Group A

France v South Africa
Mexico v Uruguay

Well, the simple scenario, and the one I fully expect to happen, is that if Mexico and Uruguay draw then they both go through, I don't really think we're going to get a full-blooded cracker here!

If one team does win out of those two then it leaves the door just the tiniest bit ajar for France or South Africa. But unfortunately the hosts are truly awful and France are hilariously in complete disarray!

Group B

Greece v Argentina

Nigeria v South Korea

Argentina are all but through and I don't expect them to slip up against a mediocre Greece side in any case.
South Korea have impressed me and will beat Nigeria to claim the other place.

Monday 21 June 2010

On an Easy Par Four, Within Ear Shot of Your Revolutionary Foldaway Drum - Missed One! And a review of yeaterday.

I forgot to do a PSoBJL for Spain v Honduras, but quite frankly I don't care, I'm not going to do it, I'm pig bloody sick of We Didn't Start the Fire and if I never hear that song again it will be far too soon.
Give the win to Honduras, it will go with every other prediction that has been utterly wrong!

Anyhow, yesterday saw Paraguay beat Slovakia to top their group because Italy are matching England and France (and others) for being shite as they could only draw with Italy.

Brazil have qualified easily though, they beat Ivory Coast with relative ease.

Right, now, what to do about the final group games?
I think I'll play this pretty straight and do a reasonably normal(!) preview with my own opinions (rather than Billy Joel's) on who I think will qualify for the knockout stages. There may be a twist or two, I'll decide that tonight when I do the Group A & B final games.

I bet you can't wait can you?

Sunday 20 June 2010

Twmpa Twmpa, You're Gonna eed a Jumper - WC 2010 Day 11 Preview

Well I think it's day 11. Hey ho. Anyway, the last of the second round of group games. Then I have to think of something for the group deciders, any suggestions will be welcome.

Game 30 - Portugal v North Korea

VPortugal will be represented by: "Lawrence of Arabia", British Beatlemania

North Korea will be represented by: Ole Miss, John Glenn, Liston beats Patterson

Ole Miss?? What the blinking flipping fuck are you on about Joel? Ole Miss what? Ah fuck him. Lawrence of Arabia was okay I suppose. 1-0

"What's your favourite Beatles album Alan?" "Well I would have to say...The Best of the Beatles."

So John Glenn went into space, so what, he didn't inspire a Partridge quote did he?


Game 31 - China v Switzerland

China will be represented by: Pope Paul, Malcolm X, British politician sex

Which is all well and good but fairly pointless because the Swiss have -

Switzerland will be represented by: JFK, blown away, what else do I have to say

So as far as Joel says, there is nothing more to say, well fuck it then. 0-1, game over.

Oh Joy! I Love the Internet.

More fantastic stuff from my fellow Heroes and Villains posters, this time courtesy of Lee "Legion" Baker.
Every bit as funny as the origin of vuvuzelas, but for a whole different reason, welcome to the new Facebook group:

No England Shits in pubs is just a rumour

Apparently, according to the description,
"Police have confirmed that the rumour on england flags in pubs is 'nonsence'"

Come Blow Your Vuvuleza!

Courtesy of Darren "Bad English" Rigby on Heroes and Villains

It's time you knew the true origin of the vuvuleza, and why so many people just love to blow them: