Even Men With Steel Hearts Love a Dog on the Pitch

So, for you Englander ze World Cup is over.

Yep, it's the germans again, but it will be different this time - won't it?

England were better, but that isn't saying a lot, even so the performance in this match would easily have been enough to beat Algeria and probably USA so by being utter shite in the opening two matches means England now go into unarguably the hardest half of the draw and will now need to battle past not just Germany but probably Argentina and Spain just to get to the semi-finals, their own fault though.

USA top the group with a last minute winner from Landon Donovan who then started blarting like the








that he is.

As for the Germans, well they don't look all that much to me, they seem to have gained some flair from somewhere but in doing so lost some of that ruthless efficiency and defensive stoutness that you would normally characterise them with. England have a chance you know.

Serbia might count themselves unlucky not to have got the draw against the Sheilaroos that would have taken them through, two goals disallowed and then a handball against Cahill that looked blatant but was waved away. Before that though Australia were briefly dreaming of the four goal turnaround that would have seen them through.

In tomorrows games, Paraquat only need a draw against the sheep botherers to guarantee going through and we will all be cheering on Slovakia so that Italy go out won't we?
And in group E it's winner takes all between Denmark and Japan.

Sonia Lannaman Sleeps With the Fishes Tonight

Group A went as expected except that Uruguay actually beat Mexico to give Banofee Banofee just a glimmer of a chance. In the end they could only beat the cheese eating surrender monkeys 2-1 but it restores pride and sales of vuvuzelas.







Shame about France though eh? A real shame.





In Group B Greece's 9-0-1 formation makes them officially the most boring bastards in the World Cup 2010, narrowly pipping Switzerland and England. They were easily beaten by Argentina who, bless 'em, look very good.


As predicted (and it's not often I've been able to say that so far!) South Korea took the other place but Nigeria made them fight all the way and if Yakubu hadn't missed an absolute sitter they may have been representing Africa in round two.




Right. On we go.

A superb, swashbucling England performance full of pride, passion and belief with every player giving his all in a performance to gladden the heart of every true Englishman......

Well that's what we got from our Rugby players and cricketers over the last few days but I very much fucking doubt we'll see much of it at 3pm.

Yes I know the bloke above is actually Irish but we take them from wherever we can get them these days!

But we live in hope and now that it's well and truly make or break I suspect that England will do enough, it might not be pretty but we'll get there.

I also think that USA will beat Algeria and go through, a great day for US Soccerball.

There is a small chance that both ourselves and USA could finish level on points, GD and goals scored, in which case we would have to draw lots, how fantastic would that be?!

I assume that in the evening we are all Ghana fans? If they beat Germany it probably puts the Boxheads out, which would be very, very funny.

Australia v Serbia? Meh.

Enjoy your sickies England fans, your boss already knows.

Rattling Bags of Calcium - Group A and B Deciders

Work has caught up with us here at AISTBAH Towers, so it's just a brief preview of the groups for now, once the groups have been sorted we'll be back with proper predictions, probably involving food.

Group A

France v South Africa
Mexico v Uruguay

Well, the simple scenario, and the one I fully expect to happen, is that if Mexico and Uruguay draw then they both go through, I don't really think we're going to get a full-blooded cracker here!

If one team does win out of those two then it leaves the door just the tiniest bit ajar for France or South Africa. But unfortunately the hosts are truly awful and France are hilariously in complete disarray!

Group B

Greece v Argentina

Nigeria v South Korea

Argentina are all but through and I don't expect them to slip up against a mediocre Greece side in any case.
South Korea have impressed me and will beat Nigeria to claim the other place.

On an Easy Par Four, Within Ear Shot of Your Revolutionary Foldaway Drum - Missed One! And a review of yeaterday.

I forgot to do a PSoBJL for Spain v Honduras, but quite frankly I don't care, I'm not going to do it, I'm pig bloody sick of We Didn't Start the Fire and if I never hear that song again it will be far too soon.
Give the win to Honduras, it will go with every other prediction that has been utterly wrong!

Anyhow, yesterday saw Paraguay beat Slovakia to top their group because Italy are matching England and France (and others) for being shite as they could only draw with Italy.

Brazil have qualified easily though, they beat Ivory Coast with relative ease.

Right, now, what to do about the final group games?
I think I'll play this pretty straight and do a reasonably normal(!) preview with my own opinions (rather than Billy Joel's) on who I think will qualify for the knockout stages. There may be a twist or two, I'll decide that tonight when I do the Group A & B final games.

I bet you can't wait can you?

Twmpa Twmpa, You're Gonna eed a Jumper - WC 2010 Day 11 Preview

Well I think it's day 11. Hey ho. Anyway, the last of the second round of group games. Then I have to think of something for the group deciders, any suggestions will be welcome.

Game 30 - Portugal v North Korea

VPortugal will be represented by: "Lawrence of Arabia", British Beatlemania

North Korea will be represented by: Ole Miss, John Glenn, Liston beats Patterson

Ole Miss?? What the blinking flipping fuck are you on about Joel? Ole Miss what? Ah fuck him. Lawrence of Arabia was okay I suppose. 1-0

"What's your favourite Beatles album Alan?" "Well I would have to say...The Best of the Beatles."

So John Glenn went into space, so what, he didn't inspire a Partridge quote did he?

2-0



Game 31 - China v Switzerland


China will be represented by: Pope Paul, Malcolm X, British politician sex

Which is all well and good but fairly pointless because the Swiss have -

Switzerland will be represented by: JFK, blown away, what else do I have to say

So as far as Joel says, there is nothing more to say, well fuck it then. 0-1, game over.

Oh Joy! I Love the Internet.

More fantastic stuff from my fellow Heroes and Villains posters, this time courtesy of Lee "Legion" Baker.
Every bit as funny as the origin of vuvuzelas, but for a whole different reason, welcome to the new Facebook group:

No England Shits in pubs is just a rumour

Apparently, according to the description,
"Police have confirmed that the rumour on england flags in pubs is 'nonsence'"

Come Blow Your Vuvuleza!

Courtesy of Darren "Bad English" Rigby on Heroes and Villains

It's time you knew the true origin of the vuvuleza, and why so many people just love to blow them:

A Proud Moment.

Am I Supposed To Be At Home is proud to announce that it has reached the dizzy heights of NINTH in the Google listings for those searching for "Hamilton Bland".


I'd like to thank my agent, my wife, my cat......

I want to Meet Howard Marks if I can - World Cup 2010 Day 10 Preview.

Game 27 - Slovakia v Paraguay

V
Slovakia will be represented by: Buddy Holly, "Ben Hur", space monkey, Mafia

Paraguay will be represented by: Hula hoops, Castro, Edsel is a no-go

I like Hula Hoops, especially the beef flavour, okay so that daft bugger Joel was almost certainly on about the pointless things that you, err, what exactly can you do with a fucking hula hoop? Buddy Holly wrote some great tunes. 1-0

Ben Hur was a tedious film that happened to have a chariot race, Castro was another commie. This obsession with communists and baseball is very boring Billy. Ben Hur shades it. 2-0

Space Monkey?? I assume this is a reference to the monkeys that NASA and others sent up in space for the wholly admirable reason that they wanted to know what would happen if they sent a monkey into space. Edsel was the car that Ford couldn't sell. No one scores. 2-0

Game 27 - Slovakia win

Game 28 - Italy v New Zealand


V
Italy will be represented by: U-2, Syngman Rhee, payola and Kennedy

New Zealand wil be represented by: Chubby Checker, "Psycho", Belgians in the Congo

Chubby Checker was a prolific singer/songwriter who must have been totally pissed off with everybody shouting "Do The Twist" at his concerts. His pleas of "But I wrote hundreds of songs, can I just sing something from my new album?" falling on deaf ears every time. Bono is a cunt. (Yes I know Joel is on about the spy plane but any excuse to call Bono a cunt must be used. 0-1

Syngman Rhee was the first president of South Korea (yep Korea again, I never realised how shit these lyrics actually are, I will NEVER listen to this osng again). Psycho is a classic. 0-2

Payola is something to do with giving radio stations money in exchange for airplay I think, maybe Joel snuck this in there because he did it! The Belgians were no worse in their colonisation of The Congo than either Britain or America have been elsewhere. Can't pick a winner here. 0-2

Game 28 - New Zealand win

Game 29 - Brazil v Ivory Coast

V

Brazil will be represented by: Hemingway, Eichmann, "Stranger in a Strange Land"

Ivory Coast will be represented by: Dylan, Berlin, Bay of Pigs invasion

I've never read any Hemingway, never felt the need really. Dylan was the hippy rabbit in The Magic Roundabout and was always going to win this one. 0-1

Brazil were always on a bit of a loser when they drew Adolf Eichmann, as the so called "Architect of the Holocaust" i.e. the man who masterminded the Final Solution, he certainly didn't just suffer from a bad press. I once got so drunk in Berlin that I forgot. That's it, I just forgot. 0-2

I'm not going to do the last one, it would mean pretending that I know what Stranger in a Strange Land is about, or pretending to give a damn about that or the Bay of Pigs. 0-2

Game 29 - Ivory Coast win

I'm Off to See the Bootleg Beatles As the Bootleg Mark Chapman - Day 9 Round-up

Holland all but book their place in the next round with a 1-0 win over a unadventurous Japan. Ghana continue the somewhat underwhelming African campaign and can only draw against 10 man Australia, Kewell being sent off (rightly in my opinion) for pretending to be a goalkeeper.
Excellent evening game sees Denmark come from behind to overcome Cameroon 2-1.

Did you Pay for your Ticket? Or Did you Wing it?

Sturmey Archer, Campagnolo - Yet more games, yet another WC 2010 preview. Oh God make it stop.

Game 24 - Netherlands v Japan
V





Netherlands will be represented by: Bardot, Budapest, Alabama, Krushchev

Japan will be represented by: Princess Grace, "Peyton Place", trouble in the Suez

Lordy! Brigitte Bardot v Princess Grace. Now there's a wrestling match I'd have paid good money to see. Maybe not now, but back in their time and all that. Can't seperate them I'm afraid (and I'm not sure I'd want to). 1-1

Never been to Budapest, I'm sure it's lovely though, and certainly better than 60's American soap opera Peyton Place, which (and this makes me officially old) I can remember my Nan watching. 2-1

Does anyone really care about Alabama? Does anyone know anything about Alabama? Mind you going up against 'trouble in the Suez'...oh for fucks sake! Ever had what you thought was a really great idea only to find out that it's really total bollocks? I'm getting that now, I get it often half way through DIY projects which is why our house was the only place to ever be blacklisted by Nick 'Fucking' Knowles. 2-1

Game 24 - Netherlands win

Game 25 - Ghana v Australia

V

Ghana will be represented by: Little Rock, Pasternak, Mickey Mantle, Kerouac

Australia will be represented by: Sputnik, Chou En-Lai, "Bridge on the River Kwai"

Little Rock is a town in Arkansas, why has Joel included it in his bloody song? Fuck knows, even Wikipedia can't help me there. Sputnik kicked off the space race, it wins because, well because I say so. 0-1

Pasternak wrote Doctor Zhivago, which is reason enough for him to lose straight away (I have no culture), pasternak is also Russian for parsnip, never let it be said this blog isn't an education! Chou En Lai was the first Premier of the Peoples Republic of China, therefore probably very important and all that. 0-2

Mickey Mantle was the thick jobseeker in League of Gentleman wasn't he? Oh no, I'm wrong, he's yet another bloody rounders player, fuck him then. Bridge on the River Kwai was a great film. 0-3

Game 25 - Australia win

Game 26 - Cameroon v Denmark


V
Cameroon will be represented by: Lebanon, Charles de Gaulle, California baseball

Denmark will be represented by: Starkweather, homicide, children of thalidomide

Joel goes all a bit dark here. Lebanon saw hundreds of thousands killed in a bitter civil war, Charles Starkweather killed only eleven people in his two month road trip from hell alongside his 14 year old gilfriend. Starkweather is also the name of a particularly shite thrash metal band, it's not a coincidence. No winners here. 0-0

Charles de Gaulle is an airport. Oh, and also the bloke who ran away to England and then tried to convince all the French he left behind under the Nazi Jackboot to risk their lives and resist, how brave! I was wondering whether to include homicide along with Starkweather but all lyrics websites I have seen put a comma in there so I'll go along with that. Even murder is beter than being French. 0-1

Oh Jesus, more bloody rounders, the man's obsessed. I'll make no jokes about Thalidomide. 0-1

Game 26 - Denmark win

Cafe Bars, Idiots and Pigeons - Englands humiliation - June 18th round-up

We laugh at France, we giggle at Germany, we play like Stafford Rangers.
Utter bilge. But why anyone actually expected anything else is beyond me.
There were some other games but I'm still too busy picking my jaw off the floor after watching the phenomenally shit Rooney gobbing off at fans who have spent thousands of pounds for having the temerity to boo one of the most inept England performances, well, since the last time we all thought they might for once do something above average in the finals of a major competition.

Anyway, Slovenia and the US drew in a compelling match earlier, which means England's fate is amazingly still in their own hands, and Germany lost to Serbia in the second huge shock in two days.

Okay, who was it?

Hands up, who was it that found this blog via Google using the searchwords "wrinkly penis"?

Runrig With Special Guest Mike Peters - The Rest of Day Eight

Game 22 - Slovenia v USA

VSlovenia will be represented by: Roy hn, Juan Peron, Toscanini, dacron

USA will be represented by: Dien Bien Phu falls, "Rock Around the Clock"

Roy Hn was apparently the commander of the South Korean forces in the Korean war, I think. Or it's just another made up name that makes the line scan, to be honest I'm past caring, I bloody hate this song now. Dien Bien Phu was (shock horror gasp) another French military defeat, this time in Vietnam before the Yanks got there and made it all so much better. 1-0

Juan Peron, as any fule kno, wrote a song about his wife for Julie Covington to warble, Rock Around the Clock is infinitely better obviously. 1-1

Toscanini and Dacron don't get to play, one's an Italian restaurant in Peterborough and one is a thermoplastic polymer with the molecular formula C₁₀H₈O₄)<sub>n.

Game 22 - Draw

And so onto the big one. *why has the writing gone dead small here?*

Game 23 - England v Algeria</sub>


VEngland will be represented by: Einstein, James Dean, Brooklyn's got a winning team

Algeria will be represented by: Davy Crockett, Peter Pan, Elvis Presley, Disneyland

Einstein was dead clever and knew lots of stuff, Davy Crockett is only famous for having three ears, a left ear, a right ear and a wild front ear. 1-0

James Dean was not just a careless driver, he also did films and that. Peter Pan is some sort of mythical child abductor. 2-0

Brooklyn's got a winning team? Meh, like I give a fuck about rounders. Elvis Presley inspired a rather good song by Kirsty MacColl (whose last hit was "A Speedboat"). 2-1

Game 23 - England win.

That Is Not How I Would Spell Hawiian - World Cup 2010 June 18th Preview

Game 21 - Germany v Siberia (or is it Serbia?)

VGermany will be represented by: Josef Stalin, Malenkov, Nasser and Prokofiev

Serbia will be represented by: Rockefeller, Campanella, Communist Bloc

Again the fates see Germany get to be represented by a dictator that did much to oversee their downfall in WWII, but up against Rockefeller(I assume this is John D.) he wins by sheer evilness alone, JD Rocky was an oil magnate I think, I can't be arsed to look it up! 1-0

Ah! Billy J was spending time in the library (no Wikipedia back then!) there's no other reason why anyone would really know that Georgy Malenkov succeeded Stalin as Supreme Soviet Leader. Now, who the fuck was Campanella? Research leads me to hope he means Roy Campanella who was one of the first black baseball stars, if that is right then he gets the point. 1-1

Nasser??? Fuck knows, I'm not even going to try, in fact I'm coming to the conclusion that Joel is talking a heck of a lot of bollocks in this song. Whatever, he get's wasted by the Communist Bloc anyway. 1-2

Game 21 - Serbia win.

The rest of todays games later, it's getting late!

Nick Fucking Knowles! - WC 2010 17th June round up.

Where do you start?
By laughing hysterically at the French for a start, never have I wanted two teams to conspire to draw in my life as I do Uruguay and Mexico to knock the frogs out, no xenophobia, no feigned interest in The Irish Republic, it would just be very, very funny.

Meanwhile Greece overcome a undisciplined Nigeria to keep that group alive as Argentina overwhelm South Korea.

In a Medium Sized Launch Tethered Off Biarritz - PSoBJL France v Mexico

Game 20 - France v Mexico

VFrance will be represented by: Eisenhower, vaccine, England's got a new queen

Mexico will be represented by: Marciano, Liberace, Santayana goodbye

Eisenhower representing the country whose arse he helped save in WWII, how deliciously ironic. I assume Marciano is Rocky, who was also dead hard. Too close to call this one, both score. 1-1

Can't really argue with vaccines I suppose, bit boring though. Liberace was anything but boring, not to my taste but on flamboyance alone he takes this one. 1-2

Absolutely no idea who or what Santayana is...*looks it up* oh, a philosopher, whoopee fucking do, no idea why he said goodbye either, was our Mr. Joel struggling for lyrics that fitted so early on in the song I wonder? The Queen rocks, so there. 1-3

Game 20 - Mexico win

Cathy Stanisforth's Milk Bank Opens Soon - World Cup 2010 June 17th Preview.

Game 18 - Argentina v South Korea




V
And so we continue on with the fantastically exciting Penalty Shoot-out of Billy Joel Lyrics.

Argentina will be represented by: Joe McCarthy, Richard Nixon, Studebaker, television

South Korea (and I did NOT plan this ahead!) will be represented by: North Korea, South Korea, Marilyn Monroe

Joe McCarthy, vehement anti-communist up against North Korea who are somewhat pro-communist! There are a lot of North Koreans mind, and the Chinese quite like them and there are billions of them so - 0-1

It does seem unfair that Argentina get represented by a mere politician whie South Korea get represented by themselves but that's the way the cookie crumbles and hey, don't blame me, blame Billy Joel, he wrote the bloody thing! 0-2

Studebaker made some nice cars (well I assume they did but I know fuck all about cars, go ask Jeremy Kyle or whoever it is does them car programmes that are so inexplicably popular), but ask me to pick between a car and serial shagger Marilyn Monroe and the girl wins every time, even if she did live life like a candle in the wind. 0-3

Game 18 - South Korea win.

Game 19 - Greece v Nigeria

V

Greece will be represented by: Rosenbergs, H-Bomb, Sugar Ray, Panmunjom

Nigeria will be represented by: Brando, "The King and I", and "The Catcher in the Rye"

Rosenbergs? I assume he is on about Julius and Ethel, more bloody communists then. The man's obsessed. The Rosenbergs were convicted and eventually executed for selling details of the atomic bomb to the Russkies. Or our Billy could be bad at spelling and a fan of Norwegian football. Either way they lose against the awesome Marlon Brando. 0-1

The H-bomb obviously refers not to the actual bomb but to the equally destructive Tamworth FC legend Mark Hallam, and as such it's a walkover worth at least double against some musical starring a bald bloke and a load of annoying kids. 2-1

I assume Sugar Ray is meant to be Mr Robinson of that ilk, he was brilliant, one of my childhood heroes in fact. Catcher in the Rye is a load of 'stream of consciousness' pretentious bollocks that everyone pretends they have read so they can look intellectual. I actually have read it and it's wank, 3-1

Game 19 - Greece win

Last game of the day to follow later.

Yonder the Deacon in Misguided Trousers - WC 2010 June 16th Round-up

The first proper shock of the tournament at last. A commentator actually didn't complain about the vuvulezas! Oh, and Switzerland beat Spain, but it's well known that Spain are shite in World Cups.

South Africa got stuffed by Uruguay and are probably going out, it will be interesting to see if the local's enthusiasm keeps up without the hosts being in.

In the other game, Chile looked rather good but could only put one past a poor looking Honduras, something they might regret later on.

We Didn't Start the Fire - Second round of group matches starts here.

Okay, what to do for the next lot of group matches. I toyed with several ideas, a couple of which I want to save for the later stages (especially the beer round!), but I have had a song going round in my head for no apparent reason in the last couple of days, a 'ear worm' I think they call it, and it's "We Didn't Start the Fire" by Billy Joel. Now I don't actually like Billy Joel, much of this stems back to the time when I was a furiously masturbating teenager and the bastard was shagging Christie Brinkley, but enough of that, the song lends itself to.......

The Penalty Shoot-out of Billy Joel Lyrics.

Here's how it goes, each line of the song We Didn't Start the Fire has several things mentioned, each team gets a line in the order of the song, and the teams will be in the order they appear on the BBC website. I will compare each thing and decide who wins if there is an uneven number of things then only the first three or four count...confused? Well let's take the first game and see how it goes.


Game 17 - South Africa v Uruguay

V

South Africa will be represented by - Harry Truman, Doris Day, Red China, Johnnie Ray

Uruguay will be represented by - South Pacific, Walter Winchell, Joe DiMaggio

Harry Truman, 33rd president of the United States, succeeded Roosevelt and immediaely fucked over a beleaguered post-war Britain by calling in the war loans, South Pacific is a great musical, even if it did spawn a shit song by Captain Sensible. 0-1

Doris Day, wasn't she lovely? Walter Winchell is attributed with inventing the gossip column, what a twat! 1-1

Red China? I've got some but the missus says we should keep it for best when we get visitors, Joe diMaggio was quite good at rounders, close but... 1-2

Game 17 - Uruguay win.

You Can't Get Teenage Eskimo in Wantage - World Cup 2010 Day. oh fuck it, whatever round-up.

New Zealand provided a rare moment of excitement in an otherwise pisspoor start to the World Cup by equalising against Slovakia in the third minute of injury time, my only tentative claim to fame in this tournament (Chris Woods goes to my son's school) came on in the 2nd half.

Portugal v Ivory Coast was much anticipated and lived down to all of my expectations, so many teams are scared to lose at this stage.

Brazil beat the commies, as expected, but we all cheered the Korean goal didn't we? Comes to something when the highlight of the first week is a consolation by a team from a country run by a despotic dictator.

Stevie Nicks Books About Kleptomania - WC 2010 Last round 1 of group games.

Game 15 - Honduras v Chile


V

Hmmm...I like Honduras' white tailed deer, it's a magnificent beast, but would it win against the andean condor? It's speed could be the condor's Albatross.
I'd like to think that it could spear the dive-bombing condor with it's antlers so I'm sticking with that.

Game 15 - Honduras win.

Game 16 - Spain v Switzerland



V Spain, of course, have the bull, although the show their love of this creature by ritually slaughtering them, lovely. But I suppose you'll never break the chain of custom.
Try as I might I could find no national animal for Switzerland, if anyone else can then please go your own way, so they get a cuckoo clock.
Should be over fairly quickly this one!

Game 16 - Spain win.

And that's it for the first round of group games. I'll need a new theme for the last game of the day so keep reading, Don't Stop. Thinking About Tomorrow, I reckon a musical theme is on the cards.

Here's Judie Tzuke to Take Us Up to the News - World Cup 2010 Day 4 Round-up

To be honest I hardly noticed these games, had too much to do, but it seems that Holland had a fairly routine win over Denmark. Japan's win over Cameroon is probably a bit of a surprise but I don't know that much about the relative merits of the two sides to make a judgement.

I did see most of the Italy - Paraguay game and like most people (probably) was hoping that Paraguay could hang on but they didn't.

All a bit boring so far really, but it usually is until it gets down to proper knockout.

Quick, Run, Hide, Here Comes Dave Stewart - Day 5 Preview

Game 12 - Brazil v North Korea

V



We've been here before! North Korea have some winged horsey thing called a chollima, but if you had been attentive you would already know that. Brazil apparently have a macaw, or a parrot, or some other bird, different websites say different things.
I'm sticking with a macaw, and it wins because the winged horse doesn't actually exist. Sweet dreams are made of this.

Game 12 - Brazil win.


Game 13 - Ivory Coast v Portugal

VAh! That's better, a proper animal. Ivory Coast's elephant is nearly as skill as the dolphin, and much bigger. I had problems finding a national animal for Portugal but as the Man o' War is named after the country it will do. It won't win against the elephant though, who am I to disagree?

Game 13 - Ivory Coast win


Game 14 - New Zealand v Slovakia

V
The kiwi really is a crap bird isn't it? I've travelled the World and the seven seas and not seen anything like it. Flightless and just, well, shit. Mind you, Slovakia don't even seem to have a national animal at all, everybody's looking for something but to no avail, they do, however, have a national tree, the linden.
Won't be much action in this fight, the kiwi might eventually die of boredom I suppose.

Game 14 - draw.

Camera Obscura - Lloyd I'm Ready To Be Heartbroken

Just thought I'd pre-empt the feelings of all you Ingerlund fans. Enjoy a cracking song.

Your Travelling Army of Synthetic Supporters - WC 2010 Day 4 Preview

Game 9 - Netherlands v Denmark


V
I mean, what the fuck? A mute swan? What sort of national animal is a mute swan? Denmark, bow your heads. On the face of it, a mute swan would stand no chance against a lion, but considering that lions are in no way native to Holland, and I can't think of another animal that could possibly represent Holland (except maybe skunk - geddit!?), Denmark win on authenticity alone.

Game 9 - Denmark win.

Game 10 - Japan v Cameroon

V
A pretty shit contest this. Japan are represented by a green pheasant, for such a proud country that is a really crap national animal. Much research (well okay, five minutes on Google) led me to believe that Cameroon have no national animal but they are called the Indomitable Lions (is there a more pretentious nickname in World football?).
Both crap and so...

Game 10 - Draw

Game 11 - Italy v Paraguay

VWhat makes an Italian wolf so special and different from any other wolf? The fact that I don't know puts it at an instant disadvantage to Paraguay's night monkey.

Game 11 - Paraguay win.