Am I Supposed To Be At Home?

Even Men With Steel Hearts Love a Dog on the Pitch

2010-06-24T00:51:00.004+01:00

So, for you Englander ze World Cup is over.

Yep, it's the germans again, but it will be different this time - won't it?

England were better, but that isn't saying a lot, even so the performance in this match would easily have been enough to beat Algeria and probably USA so by being utter shite in the opening two matches means England now go into unarguably the hardest half of the draw and will now need to battle past not just Germany but probably Argentina and Spain just to get to the semi-finals, their own fault though.

USA top the group with a last minute winner from Landon Donovan who then started blarting like the

that he is.

As for the Germans, well they don't look all that much to me, they seem to have gained some flair from somewhere but in doing so lost some of that ruthless efficiency and defensive stoutness that you would normally characterise them with. England have a chance you know.

Serbia might count themselves unlucky not to have got the draw against the Sheilaroos that would have taken them through, two goals disallowed and then a handball against Cahill that looked blatant but was waved away. Before that though Australia were briefly dreaming of the four goal turnaround that would have seen them through.

In tomorrows games, Paraquat only need a draw against the sheep botherers to guarantee going through and we will all be cheering on Slovakia so that Italy go out won't we?
And in group E it's winner takes all between Denmark and Japan.

Sonia Lannaman Sleeps With the Fishes Tonight

2010-06-23T01:21:00.006+01:00

Group A went as expected except that Uruguay actually beat Mexico to give Banofee Banofee just a glimmer of a chance. In the end they could only beat the cheese eating surrender monkeys 2-1 but it restores pride and sales of vuvuzelas.

Shame about France though eh? A real shame.

In Group B Greece's 9-0-1 formation makes them officially the most boring bastards in the World Cup 2010, narrowly pipping Switzerland and England. They were easily beaten by Argentina who, bless 'em, look very good.

As predicted (and it's not often I've been able to say that so far!) South Korea took the other place but Nigeria made them fight all the way and if Yakubu hadn't missed an absolute sitter they may have been representing Africa in round two.

Right. On we go.

A superb, swashbucling England performance full of pride, passion and belief with every player giving his all in a performance to gladden the heart of every true Englishman......

Well that's what we got from our Rugby players and cricketers over the last few days but I very much fucking doubt we'll see much of it at 3pm.

Yes I know the bloke above is actually Irish but we take them from wherever we can get them these days!

But we live in hope and now that it's well and truly make or break I suspect that England will do enough, it might not be pretty but we'll get there.

I also think that USA will beat Algeria and go through, a great day for US Soccerball.

There is a small chance that both ourselves and USA could finish level on points, GD and goals scored, in which case we would have to draw lots, how fantastic would that be?!

I assume that in the evening we are all Ghana fans? If they beat Germany it probably puts the Boxheads out, which would be very, very funny.

Australia v Serbia? Meh.

Enjoy your sickies England fans, your boss already knows.

Rattling Bags of Calcium - Group A and B Deciders

2010-06-22T01:15:00.003+01:00

Work has caught up with us here at AISTBAH Towers, so it's just a brief preview of the groups for now, once the groups have been sorted we'll be back with proper predictions, probably involving food.

Group A

France v South Africa
Mexico v Uruguay

Well, the simple scenario, and the one I fully expect to happen, is that if Mexico and Uruguay draw then they both go through, I don't really think we're going to get a full-blooded cracker here!

If one team does win out of those two then it leaves the door just the tiniest bit ajar for France or South Africa. But unfortunately the hosts are truly awful and France are hilariously in complete disarray!

Group B

Greece v Argentina

Nigeria v South Korea

Argentina are all but through and I don't expect them to slip up against a mediocre Greece side in any case.
South Korea have impressed me and will beat Nigeria to claim the other place.

On an Easy Par Four, Within Ear Shot of Your Revolutionary Foldaway Drum - Missed One! And a review of yeaterday.

2010-06-21T12:44:00.003+01:00

I forgot to do a PSoBJL for Spain v Honduras, but quite frankly I don't care, I'm not going to do it, I'm pig bloody sick of We Didn't Start the Fire and if I never hear that song again it will be far too soon.
Give the win to Honduras, it will go with every other prediction that has been utterly wrong!

Anyhow, yesterday saw Paraguay beat Slovakia to top their group because Italy are matching England and France (and others) for being shite as they could only draw with Italy.

Brazil have qualified easily though, they beat Ivory Coast with relative ease.

Right, now, what to do about the final group games?
I think I'll play this pretty straight and do a reasonably normal(!) preview with my own opinions (rather than Billy Joel's) on who I think will qualify for the knockout stages. There may be a twist or two, I'll decide that tonight when I do the Group A & B final games.

I bet you can't wait can you?

Twmpa Twmpa, You're Gonna eed a Jumper - WC 2010 Day 11 Preview

2010-06-20T19:13:00.010+01:00

Well I think it's day 11. Hey ho. Anyway, the last of the second round of group games. Then I have to think of something for the group deciders, any suggestions will be welcome.

Game 30 - Portugal v North Korea

VPortugal will be represented by: "Lawrence of Arabia", British Beatlemania

North Korea will be represented by: Ole Miss, John Glenn, Liston beats Patterson

Ole Miss?? What the blinking flipping fuck are you on about Joel? Ole Miss what? Ah fuck him. Lawrence of Arabia was okay I suppose. 1-0

"What's your favourite Beatles album Alan?" "Well I would have to say...The Best of the Beatles."

So John Glenn went into space, so what, he didn't inspire a Partridge quote did he?

2-0

Game 31 - China v Switzerland

China will be represented by: Pope Paul, Malcolm X, British politician sex

Which is all well and good but fairly pointless because the Swiss have -

Switzerland will be represented by: JFK, blown away, what else do I have to say

So as far as Joel says, there is nothing more to say, well fuck it then. 0-1, game over.

Oh Joy! I Love the Internet.

2010-06-20T15:59:00.003+01:00

More fantastic stuff from my fellow Heroes and Villains posters, this time courtesy of Lee "Legion" Baker.
Every bit as funny as the origin of vuvuzelas, but for a whole different reason, welcome to the new Facebook group:

No England Shits in pubs is just a rumour

Apparently, according to the description,
"Police have confirmed that the rumour on england flags in pubs is 'nonsence'"

Come Blow Your Vuvuleza!

2010-06-20T11:23:00.002+01:00

Courtesy of Darren "Bad English" Rigby on Heroes and Villains

It's time you knew the true origin of the vuvuleza, and why so many people just love to blow them:

A Proud Moment.

2010-06-20T09:41:00.005+01:00

Am I Supposed To Be At Home is proud to announce that it has reached the dizzy heights of NINTH in the Google listings for those searching for "Hamilton Bland".

I'd like to thank my agent, my wife, my cat......

I want to Meet Howard Marks if I can - World Cup 2010 Day 10 Preview.

2010-06-19T22:30:00.009+01:00

Game 27 - Slovakia v Paraguay

V
Slovakia will be represented by: Buddy Holly, "Ben Hur", space monkey, Mafia

Paraguay will be represented by: Hula hoops, Castro, Edsel is a no-go

I like Hula Hoops, especially the beef flavour, okay so that daft bugger Joel was almost certainly on about the pointless things that you, err, what exactly can you do with a fucking hula hoop? Buddy Holly wrote some great tunes. 1-0

Ben Hur was a tedious film that happened to have a chariot race, Castro was another commie. This obsession with communists and baseball is very boring Billy. Ben Hur shades it. 2-0

Space Monkey?? I assume this is a reference to the monkeys that NASA and others sent up in space for the wholly admirable reason that they wanted to know what would happen if they sent a monkey into space. Edsel was the car that Ford couldn't sell. No one scores. 2-0

Game 27 - Slovakia win

Game 28 - Italy v New Zealand

V
Italy will be represented by: U-2, Syngman Rhee, payola and Kennedy

New Zealand wil be represented by: Chubby Checker, "Psycho", Belgians in the Congo

Chubby Checker was a prolific singer/songwriter who must have been totally pissed off with everybody shouting "Do The Twist" at his concerts. His pleas of "But I wrote hundreds of songs, can I just sing something from my new album?" falling on deaf ears every time. Bono is a cunt. (Yes I know Joel is on about the spy plane but any excuse to call Bono a cunt must be used. 0-1

Syngman Rhee was the first president of South Korea (yep Korea again, I never realised how shit these lyrics actually are, I will NEVER listen to this osng again). Psycho is a classic. 0-2

Payola is something to do with giving radio stations money in exchange for airplay I think, maybe Joel snuck this in there because he did it! The Belgians were no worse in their colonisation of The Congo than either Britain or America have been elsewhere. Can't pick a winner here. 0-2

Game 28 - New Zealand win

Game 29 - Brazil v Ivory Coast

V

Brazil will be represented by: Hemingway, Eichmann, "Stranger in a Strange Land"

Ivory Coast will be represented by: Dylan, Berlin, Bay of Pigs invasion

I've never read any Hemingway, never felt the need really. Dylan was the hippy rabbit in The Magic Roundabout and was always going to win this one. 0-1

Brazil were always on a bit of a loser when they drew Adolf Eichmann, as the so called "Architect of the Holocaust" i.e. the man who masterminded the Final Solution, he certainly didn't just suffer from a bad press. I once got so drunk in Berlin that I forgot. That's it, I just forgot. 0-2

I'm not going to do the last one, it would mean pretending that I know what Stranger in a Strange Land is about, or pretending to give a damn about that or the Bay of Pigs. 0-2

Game 29 - Ivory Coast win

I'm Off to See the Bootleg Beatles As the Bootleg Mark Chapman - Day 9 Round-up

2010-06-19T22:24:00.002+01:00

Holland all but book their place in the next round with a 1-0 win over a unadventurous Japan. Ghana continue the somewhat underwhelming African campaign and can only draw against 10 man Australia, Kewell being sent off (rightly in my opinion) for pretending to be a goalkeeper.
Excellent evening game sees Denmark come from behind to overcome Cameroon 2-1.

Did you Pay for your Ticket? Or Did you Wing it?

2010-06-19T00:12:00.001+01:00

Sturmey Archer, Campagnolo - Yet more games, yet another WC 2010 preview. Oh God make it stop.

2010-06-18T22:51:00.009+01:00

Game 24 - Netherlands v Japan
V

Netherlands will be represented by: Bardot, Budapest, Alabama, Krushchev

Japan will be represented by: Princess Grace, "Peyton Place", trouble in the Suez

Lordy! Brigitte Bardot v Princess Grace. Now there's a wrestling match I'd have paid good money to see. Maybe not now, but back in their time and all that. Can't seperate them I'm afraid (and I'm not sure I'd want to). 1-1

Never been to Budapest, I'm sure it's lovely though, and certainly better than 60's American soap opera Peyton Place, which (and this makes me officially old) I can remember my Nan watching. 2-1

Does anyone really care about Alabama? Does anyone know anything about Alabama? Mind you going up against 'trouble in the Suez'...oh for fucks sake! Ever had what you thought was a really great idea only to find out that it's really total bollocks? I'm getting that now, I get it often half way through DIY projects which is why our house was the only place to ever be blacklisted by Nick 'Fucking' Knowles. 2-1

Game 24 - Netherlands win

Game 25 - Ghana v Australia

V

Ghana will be represented by: Little Rock, Pasternak, Mickey Mantle, Kerouac

Australia will be represented by: Sputnik, Chou En-Lai, "Bridge on the River Kwai"

Little Rock is a town in Arkansas, why has Joel included it in his bloody song? Fuck knows, even Wikipedia can't help me there. Sputnik kicked off the space race, it wins because, well because I say so. 0-1

Pasternak wrote Doctor Zhivago, which is reason enough for him to lose straight away (I have no culture), pasternak is also Russian for parsnip, never let it be said this blog isn't an education! Chou En Lai was the first Premier of the Peoples Republic of China, therefore probably very important and all that. 0-2

Mickey Mantle was the thick jobseeker in League of Gentleman wasn't he? Oh no, I'm wrong, he's yet another bloody rounders player, fuck him then. Bridge on the River Kwai was a great film. 0-3

Game 25 - Australia win

Game 26 - Cameroon v Denmark

V
Cameroon will be represented by: Lebanon, Charles de Gaulle, California baseball

Denmark will be represented by: Starkweather, homicide, children of thalidomide

Joel goes all a bit dark here. Lebanon saw hundreds of thousands killed in a bitter civil war, Charles Starkweather killed only eleven people in his two month road trip from hell alongside his 14 year old gilfriend. Starkweather is also the name of a particularly shite thrash metal band, it's not a coincidence. No winners here. 0-0

Charles de Gaulle is an airport. Oh, and also the bloke who ran away to England and then tried to convince all the French he left behind under the Nazi Jackboot to risk their lives and resist, how brave! I was wondering whether to include homicide along with Starkweather but all lyrics websites I have seen put a comma in there so I'll go along with that. Even murder is beter than being French. 0-1

Oh Jesus, more bloody rounders, the man's obsessed. I'll make no jokes about Thalidomide. 0-1

Game 26 - Denmark win

Cafe Bars, Idiots and Pigeons - Englands humiliation - June 18th round-up

2010-06-18T22:36:00.003+01:00

We laugh at France, we giggle at Germany, we play like Stafford Rangers.
Utter bilge. But why anyone actually expected anything else is beyond me.
There were some other games but I'm still too busy picking my jaw off the floor after watching the phenomenally shit Rooney gobbing off at fans who have spent thousands of pounds for having the temerity to boo one of the most inept England performances, well, since the last time we all thought they might for once do something above average in the finals of a major competition.

Anyway, Slovenia and the US drew in a compelling match earlier, which means England's fate is amazingly still in their own hands, and Germany lost to Serbia in the second huge shock in two days.

Okay, who was it?

2010-06-18T14:25:00.001+01:00

Hands up, who was it that found this blog via Google using the searchwords "wrinkly penis"?

Runrig With Special Guest Mike Peters - The Rest of Day Eight

2010-06-18T09:44:00.012+01:00

Game 22 - Slovenia v USA

VSlovenia will be represented by: Roy hn, Juan Peron, Toscanini, dacron

USA will be represented by: Dien Bien Phu falls, "Rock Around the Clock"

Roy Hn was apparently the commander of the South Korean forces in the Korean war, I think. Or it's just another made up name that makes the line scan, to be honest I'm past caring, I bloody hate this song now. Dien Bien Phu was (shock horror gasp) another French military defeat, this time in Vietnam before the Yanks got there and made it all so much better. 1-0

Juan Peron, as any fule kno, wrote a song about his wife for Julie Covington to warble, Rock Around the Clock is infinitely better obviously. 1-1

Toscanini and Dacron don't get to play, one's an Italian restaurant in Peterborough and one is a thermoplastic polymer with the molecular formula C₁₀H₈O₄)_{n.

Game 22 - Draw

And so onto the big one. *why has the writing gone dead small here?*

Game 23 - England v Algeria} VEngland will be represented by: Einstein, James Dean, Brooklyn's got a winning team

Algeria will be represented by: Davy Crockett, Peter Pan, Elvis Presley, Disneyland

Einstein was dead clever and knew lots of stuff, Davy Crockett is only famous for having three ears, a left ear, a right ear and a wild front ear. 1-0

James Dean was not just a careless driver, he also did films and that. Peter Pan is some sort of mythical child abductor. 2-0

Brooklyn's got a winning team? Meh, like I give a fuck about rounders. Elvis Presley inspired a rather good song by Kirsty MacColl (whose last hit was "A Speedboat"). 2-1

Game 23 - England win.

That Is Not How I Would Spell Hawiian - World Cup 2010 June 18th Preview

2010-06-17T23:49:00.005+01:00

Game 21 - Germany v Siberia (or is it Serbia?)

VGermany will be represented by: Josef Stalin, Malenkov, Nasser and Prokofiev

Serbia will be represented by: Rockefeller, Campanella, Communist Bloc

Again the fates see Germany get to be represented by a dictator that did much to oversee their downfall in WWII, but up against Rockefeller(I assume this is John D.) he wins by sheer evilness alone, JD Rocky was an oil magnate I think, I can't be arsed to look it up! 1-0

Ah! Billy J was spending time in the library (no Wikipedia back then!) there's no other reason why anyone would really know that Georgy Malenkov succeeded Stalin as Supreme Soviet Leader. Now, who the fuck was Campanella? Research leads me to hope he means Roy Campanella who was one of the first black baseball stars, if that is right then he gets the point. 1-1

Nasser??? Fuck knows, I'm not even going to try, in fact I'm coming to the conclusion that Joel is talking a heck of a lot of bollocks in this song. Whatever, he get's wasted by the Communist Bloc anyway. 1-2

Game 21 - Serbia win.

The rest of todays games later, it's getting late!

Nick Fucking Knowles! - WC 2010 17th June round up.

2010-06-17T23:41:00.002+01:00

Where do you start?
By laughing hysterically at the French for a start, never have I wanted two teams to conspire to draw in my life as I do Uruguay and Mexico to knock the frogs out, no xenophobia, no feigned interest in The Irish Republic, it would just be very, very funny.

Meanwhile Greece overcome a undisciplined Nigeria to keep that group alive as Argentina overwhelm South Korea.

In a Medium Sized Launch Tethered Off Biarritz - PSoBJL France v Mexico

2010-06-17T17:51:00.005+01:00

Game 20 - France v Mexico

VFrance will be represented by: Eisenhower, vaccine, England's got a new queen

Mexico will be represented by: Marciano, Liberace, Santayana goodbye

Eisenhower representing the country whose arse he helped save in WWII, how deliciously ironic. I assume Marciano is Rocky, who was also dead hard. Too close to call this one, both score. 1-1

Can't really argue with vaccines I suppose, bit boring though. Liberace was anything but boring, not to my taste but on flamboyance alone he takes this one. 1-2

Absolutely no idea who or what Santayana is...*looks it up* oh, a philosopher, whoopee fucking do, no idea why he said goodbye either, was our Mr. Joel struggling for lyrics that fitted so early on in the song I wonder? The Queen rocks, so there. 1-3

Game 20 - Mexico win

Cathy Stanisforth's Milk Bank Opens Soon - World Cup 2010 June 17th Preview.

2010-06-17T09:53:00.008+01:00

Game 18 - Argentina v South Korea

V
And so we continue on with the fantastically exciting Penalty Shoot-out of Billy Joel Lyrics.

Argentina will be represented by: Joe McCarthy, Richard Nixon, Studebaker, television

South Korea (and I did NOT plan this ahead!) will be represented by: North Korea, South Korea, Marilyn Monroe

Joe McCarthy, vehement anti-communist up against North Korea who are somewhat pro-communist! There are a lot of North Koreans mind, and the Chinese quite like them and there are billions of them so - 0-1

It does seem unfair that Argentina get represented by a mere politician whie South Korea get represented by themselves but that's the way the cookie crumbles and hey, don't blame me, blame Billy Joel, he wrote the bloody thing! 0-2

Studebaker made some nice cars (well I assume they did but I know fuck all about cars, go ask Jeremy Kyle or whoever it is does them car programmes that are so inexplicably popular), but ask me to pick between a car and serial shagger Marilyn Monroe and the girl wins every time, even if she did live life like a candle in the wind. 0-3

Game 18 - South Korea win.

Game 19 - Greece v Nigeria

Greece will be represented by: Rosenbergs, H-Bomb, Sugar Ray, Panmunjom

Nigeria will be represented by: Brando, "The King and I", and "The Catcher in the Rye"

Rosenbergs? I assume he is on about Julius and Ethel, more bloody communists then. The man's obsessed. The Rosenbergs were convicted and eventually executed for selling details of the atomic bomb to the Russkies. Or our Billy could be bad at spelling and a fan of Norwegian football. Either way they lose against the awesome Marlon Brando. 0-1

The H-bomb obviously refers not to the actual bomb but to the equally destructive Tamworth FC legend Mark Hallam, and as such it's a walkover worth at least double against some musical starring a bald bloke and a load of annoying kids. 2-1

I assume Sugar Ray is meant to be Mr Robinson of that ilk, he was brilliant, one of my childhood heroes in fact. Catcher in the Rye is a load of 'stream of consciousness' pretentious bollocks that everyone pretends they have read so they can look intellectual. I actually have read it and it's wank, 3-1

Game 19 - Greece win

Last game of the day to follow later.

Yonder the Deacon in Misguided Trousers - WC 2010 June 16th Round-up

2010-06-17T09:48:00.003+01:00

The first proper shock of the tournament at last. A commentator actually didn't complain about the vuvulezas! Oh, and Switzerland beat Spain, but it's well known that Spain are shite in World Cups.

South Africa got stuffed by Uruguay and are probably going out, it will be interesting to see if the local's enthusiasm keeps up without the hosts being in.

In the other game, Chile looked rather good but could only put one past a poor looking Honduras, something they might regret later on.

We Didn't Start the Fire - Second round of group matches starts here.

2010-06-16T14:32:00.005+01:00

Okay, what to do for the next lot of group matches. I toyed with several ideas, a couple of which I want to save for the later stages (especially the beer round!), but I have had a song going round in my head for no apparent reason in the last couple of days, a 'ear worm' I think they call it, and it's "We Didn't Start the Fire" by Billy Joel. Now I don't actually like Billy Joel, much of this stems back to the time when I was a furiously masturbating teenager and the bastard was shagging Christie Brinkley, but enough of that, the song lends itself to.......

The Penalty Shoot-out of Billy Joel Lyrics.

Here's how it goes, each line of the song We Didn't Start the Fire has several things mentioned, each team gets a line in the order of the song, and the teams will be in the order they appear on the BBC website. I will compare each thing and decide who wins if there is an uneven number of things then only the first three or four count...confused? Well let's take the first game and see how it goes.

Game 17 - South Africa v Uruguay

V

South Africa will be represented by - Harry Truman, Doris Day, Red China, Johnnie Ray

Uruguay will be represented by - South Pacific, Walter Winchell, Joe DiMaggio

Harry Truman, 33rd president of the United States, succeeded Roosevelt and immediaely fucked over a beleaguered post-war Britain by calling in the war loans, South Pacific is a great musical, even if it did spawn a shit song by Captain Sensible. 0-1

Doris Day, wasn't she lovely? Walter Winchell is attributed with inventing the gossip column, what a twat! 1-1

Red China? I've got some but the missus says we should keep it for best when we get visitors, Joe diMaggio was quite good at rounders, close but... 1-2

Game 17 - Uruguay win.

You Can't Get Teenage Eskimo in Wantage - World Cup 2010 Day. oh fuck it, whatever round-up.

2010-06-16T14:26:00.003+01:00

New Zealand provided a rare moment of excitement in an otherwise pisspoor start to the World Cup by equalising against Slovakia in the third minute of injury time, my only tentative claim to fame in this tournament (Chris Woods goes to my son's school) came on in the 2nd half.

Portugal v Ivory Coast was much anticipated and lived down to all of my expectations, so many teams are scared to lose at this stage.

Brazil beat the commies, as expected, but we all cheered the Korean goal didn't we? Comes to something when the highlight of the first week is a consolation by a team from a country run by a despotic dictator.

Stevie Nicks Books About Kleptomania - WC 2010 Last round 1 of group games.

2010-06-15T16:05:00.010+01:00

Game 15 - Honduras v Chile

V

Hmmm...I like Honduras' white tailed deer, it's a magnificent beast, but would it win against the andean condor? It's speed could be the condor's Albatross.
I'd like to think that it could spear the dive-bombing condor with it's antlers so I'm sticking with that.

Game 15 - Honduras win.

Game 16 - Spain v Switzerland

V Spain, of course, have the bull, although the show their love of this creature by ritually slaughtering them, lovely. But I suppose you'll never break the chain of custom.
Try as I might I could find no national animal for Switzerland, if anyone else can then please go your own way, so they get a cuckoo clock.
Should be over fairly quickly this one!

Game 16 - Spain win.

And that's it for the first round of group games. I'll need a new theme for the last game of the day so keep reading, Don't Stop. Thinking About Tomorrow, I reckon a musical theme is on the cards.

Here's Judie Tzuke to Take Us Up to the News - World Cup 2010 Day 4 Round-up

2010-06-15T15:44:00.002+01:00

To be honest I hardly noticed these games, had too much to do, but it seems that Holland had a fairly routine win over Denmark. Japan's win over Cameroon is probably a bit of a surprise but I don't know that much about the relative merits of the two sides to make a judgement.

I did see most of the Italy - Paraguay game and like most people (probably) was hoping that Paraguay could hang on but they didn't.

All a bit boring so far really, but it usually is until it gets down to proper knockout.

Quick, Run, Hide, Here Comes Dave Stewart - Day 5 Preview

2010-06-14T16:08:00.011+01:00

Game 12 - Brazil v North Korea

V

We've been here before! North Korea have some winged horsey thing called a chollima, but if you had been attentive you would already know that. Brazil apparently have a macaw, or a parrot, or some other bird, different websites say different things.
I'm sticking with a macaw, and it wins because the winged horse doesn't actually exist. Sweet dreams are made of this.

Game 12 - Brazil win.

Game 13 - Ivory Coast v Portugal

VAh! That's better, a proper animal. Ivory Coast's elephant is nearly as skill as the dolphin, and much bigger. I had problems finding a national animal for Portugal but as the Man o' War is named after the country it will do. It won't win against the elephant though, who am I to disagree?

Game 13 - Ivory Coast win

Game 14 - New Zealand v Slovakia

V
The kiwi really is a crap bird isn't it? I've travelled the World and the seven seas and not seen anything like it. Flightless and just, well, shit. Mind you, Slovakia don't even seem to have a national animal at all, everybody's looking for something but to no avail, they do, however, have a national tree, the linden.
Won't be much action in this fight, the kiwi might eventually die of boredom I suppose.

Game 14 - draw.

Camera Obscura - Lloyd I'm Ready To Be Heartbroken

2010-06-14T00:38:00.004+01:00

Just thought I'd pre-empt the feelings of all you Ingerlund fans. Enjoy a cracking song.

Your Travelling Army of Synthetic Supporters - WC 2010 Day 4 Preview

2010-06-13T21:14:00.009+01:00

Game 9 - Netherlands v Denmark

V
I mean, what the fuck? A mute swan? What sort of national animal is a mute swan? Denmark, bow your heads. On the face of it, a mute swan would stand no chance against a lion, but considering that lions are in no way native to Holland, and I can't think of another animal that could possibly represent Holland (except maybe skunk - geddit!?), Denmark win on authenticity alone.

Game 9 - Denmark win.

Game 10 - Japan v Cameroon

V
A pretty shit contest this. Japan are represented by a green pheasant, for such a proud country that is a really crap national animal. Much research (well okay, five minutes on Google) led me to believe that Cameroon have no national animal but they are called the Indomitable Lions (is there a more pretentious nickname in World football?).
Both crap and so...

Game 10 - Draw

Game 11 - Italy v Paraguay

VWhat makes an Italian wolf so special and different from any other wolf? The fact that I don't know puts it at an instant disadvantage to Paraguay's night monkey.

Game 11 - Paraguay win.

Careful With That Spliff Eugene - WC 2010 Day 3 Review

2010-06-13T21:05:00.002+01:00

As I speak the Germany/Australia game hasn't finished, but at 4-0 I don't envisage a comeback. Germany not complying to dour techtonic stereotypes? Ominous.

Ghana become the first African club to win a World Cup game on African soil, and well deserved too against a lacklustre Serbia.

In England's group it was all very shit but Slovenia edged it against Algeria. England may have been crap but they should still have enough to beat both of these.

Big Lebowski - I Hate The F***ing Eagles

2010-06-13T02:37:00.001+01:00

With big thanks to Joe C.

A Thousand Sandy Coloured Clowns - WC 2010 Day Three Preview

2010-06-12T21:44:00.014+01:00

Game 6 - Algeria v Slovenia

V

Algeria's national animal is the fennec fox, which is basically a chihauhua with wings on it's head, very cute and all that but hardly likely to survive for very long against Slovenia's brown bear.

A bit of a walkover.

Game 6 - Slovenia win

Game 7 - Serbia v Ghana

V What is it with fucking eagles? Serbia have the white eagle, Ghana seem all secretive about theirs but a bit of reasearch came up with eagle. I'm seriously pissed off with eagles now, any other country who I find has a feckin' eagle automatically loses. Even if the country they are playing against has, as their national animal, a hamster.

Game 7 - Draw

Game 8 - Germany v Australia

V Aaaarrrgghhhhhhhh!! Fucking Germany! I can't even bring myself to print a picture of another eagle so Germany get a Russian Black Eagle tank. I could have picked one of many for the Aussies, I was toying with a koala but I held one once and it stunk so they are having a kangaroo. To be fair it wouldn't have mattered, Germany have a fucking eagle so the kangaroo wins on default, as would any other animal I might have picked, even a kookaburra.

Game 7 - Australia win.

I'm Asking For Directions to the Slough of Despond - WC2010 Day 2 Review

2010-06-12T21:35:00.003+01:00

England (unsurprisingly) manage to dampen down any wild expectations with a thoroughly disjointed display against those giants of World soccerball USA. Rob Green will become the media scapegoat for giving us an excuse to complain about spills rather than the US. 1-1 could have been worse and of course England usually start off badly, but it just looked all wrong, plenty of work for Capello.

Argentina impressed despite only winning 1-0 against Nigeria, any rumours that Mr. Messy doesn't want to play for Madonna seem to be rubbish, he was superb.

Greece were utterly gash against South (not North!) Korea. A 2-0 defeat flatered them. SK have more than a few skilful players in their side and could well be a real surprise package.

Prediction score? - 1/5! I don't gamble.

Journalist's Who Try to Spell an Interviewee's Laugh - Oops!

2010-06-12T12:17:00.004+01:00

Anyone notice my deliberate mistake? No? Nobody's actually reading this are they?
Oh well, anyway, you may notice that I have one of today's games as North Korea v Greece, when in actual fact it is the southerners who play today, so just before kick-off, a new prediction.

South Korea v Greece

Sticking with the dolphin for Greece (dolphins are ace by the way, did I say that already?), their new opponent in the National Animal Ring of Death is:

a tiger. Now this make it interesting, tigers are quite fierce, but then again they don't swim too well (do they?) and dolphins are too smart to be lured onto land where they would be disadvantaged, and this tiger appears to have been beaten up by half a dozen piglets so...

Match 3 - Greece win.

The Hamilton Bland Memorial Swimming Pool - WC 2010 Day 1 Review.

2010-06-11T21:29:00.005+01:00

Banofee Banofee score the first goal of the tournament and then do a passable impression of Pans People, but Meh-ico spoil the party. The vulva-losers sound every bit as horrible as everybody feared, the whole of this World Cup is going to be like being trapped in a nest full of very angry wasps.

France and Uruguay grind out a 0-0, I predict The Sun to do the first "Forlorn" pun of the month tomorrow. Henry provides the only amusement by claiming a ridiculous handball, hey Henry, how do you spell 'ironic'?

As I refuse to predict draws my score so far - 0/2. It's going well!

Gauranga, Gauranga, Yes I'll Be Happy - World Cup 2010 Day 2 Preview.

2010-06-11T14:17:00.010+01:00

Match 3 - North Korea v Greece

North Korea, being all secretive and stuff, don't believe in animals just in case they are spies. So they have got some winged horsey statue thing called a chollima, it's a bit shit, but don't tell any members of the Parachute Regiment as they like their winged 'osses.

Greece meanwhile have a dolphin, and dolpins are skill.

Match 3 - Greece win.

Match 4 - Argentina v Nigeria

V
A real mismatch here. Nigeria's animal is just listed as an eagle, what sort of eagle I don't know but even a big fuck-off bastard of an eagle would be no match for Argentina's cougar.

Match 4 - Argentina win.

Match 5 - England v USA

V
Some would say that a lion should be England's animal, but I would say that surely the animal has to be somewhat native to the country in question! So they are having a bulldog and they'll like it or lump it. USA could have had a bald eagle but I'm sick of bloody birds already so they are having a bison. (What's the difference between a buffalo and a bison? Yow cor wosh yer 'onds in a buffalo.)

Close call but bulldogs are nothing if not persistent and tough little bastards, so...

Match 5 - England win.

The Halcyonic Dynamo That Lit Up My Childhood - World Cup 2010 Day 1 Preview.

2010-06-11T07:41:00.013+01:00

Right, how to do this. Flicking around the internet I have come across a list of National Animals, which delightfully lsts El Salvador's national animal as the turquoise-browed motmot, which, not so delightfully, turns out to be a bird (left). A rather nice bird though I must say.

So, national animals then. For the first round of matches in the group stage I will support the team whose national animal would win in a fight.

Game 1 - South Africa v Mexico

South Africa is easy, their animal is a springbok, Mexico meanwhile have something called a Xoloitzcuintli! A what?? Well apparently it's a hairless dog and is pronounce 'shoh-lo-eets-kweent-lee'. Great, so who would win between a posh deer and a bald dog? Fuck knows, but just because it would be oodles of points at Scrabble I'm going for the dog.

Game 1 - Mexico to win.

Game 2 - France v Uruguay

A battle of the birds.

France, of course, have the gallic rooster as their animal, Uruguay's was a bit harder to find, but apparently, and I'm open to other suggestions, their national animal is a Rufous Hornero. also known as a red ovenbird (I think this means that they eat them).

Tricky one this, could come down to a last minute peck, but on size alone, the rooster should take it.

Game 2 - France to win.

Tomorrow's preview will appear later today or something.

It's Coming Home, It's Coming Home, Football's....Oh Bollocks To it. AISTBAH Is Back!!

2010-06-11T07:29:00.003+01:00

After a hiatus last season due to total lethargy I've decided to bring back the blog. Why? No idea really but then again, why not?
Anyway, Season 2010/11 will start with a World Cup special. I do like the WC although I have no real love of the England National side so I'll be observing as a neutral, but to make things more interesting I'm going to pick a team to support in each game. How I'm going to pick them is another matter, I don't know yet!
For 2006 I did an article for the Tamworth FC fanzine '4 Bleats to the Baah' in which I did a similar thing, starting with supporting teams who played in red, moving onto who did the best food and finishing (rather messily in Weymouth if I recall) with beer, I should dig the article out, it will bring back painful (for my kidneys) memories.

So, onwards and upwards and onto today's games.

Pre-season Catch Up Time

2009-07-31T12:58:00.006+01:00

I'll do the Tamworth v Birmingham City XI later, I actually have some pictures of that one. Meanwhile, I have done a few other pre-season strollabouts but they were mainly either an excuse to drink beer or, in the case of Coventry Sphinx, tick off a ground that I doubt I'll bother going back to.

Anyhow, in no particular order except that in which they were played:

Wellington Amateurs 0-5 AFC Telford

Apparently now a regular pre-season fixture and a fine way for The Ams to inch their financial way to being able to install the floodlights they need at their School Grove ground in order to gain promotion to the West Midlands Premier. They won division One last season and on this showing, although outplayed, they stand a chance again, they play nice football and on the Dave Woodhall Rule of Three* criteria they are a decent side

*The Rule of Three - If a team can do three good things in a row (pass, shoot, control the ball etc.) then they will do okay in a step 5 or below league. Look, don't blame me, it's Woodhall's rule.

Good crowd (400+), crap burger, not many facilities. Basically it's a fully-railed field at the end of a housing estate with a small stand which they have recently installed a few seats into, perfectly okay for this level but without too much scope for expansion, should it ever be needed, due to it's rather cramped location.

Anyway, I was really only in Oakengates to sample some ale at the two real ale emporia that face each other across Market Street.

The Crown Inn:

And The Station Hotel:

On my unscientific analysis The station wins this battle of the pubs for not only selling a wonderful selection of Pictish Brewery ales but also for selling Spanish onions at two for 50p.

Tipton Town 2-3 Stourbridge

Attendance: 70 or so on a head count, a rather disgraceful £5 to get in as well.
Tipton is the nearest 'proper' ground to my house, but I don't visit too often because, well, it's an athletics stadium, with all the gripes that you will always get with athletics stadia.
Plus Tipton don't seem to want to even try to add any character to the place, there's no decent pubs anywhere close either.

I was going to go off on one about the state of the bogs here, but it was explained to me that they had been vandalised the day before and there had been no time to get them sorted out.

Much more fun was had pointing and laughing at the assortment of nutters, oddballs and wierdos that follow Stour, The Beast looked like he had just finished decorating his house and another 'character' was wearing pink pumps, shorts and rather natty tights. It was pointed out to me that he is gay, not that I was really in any doubt!

Decent game, kept my seasonal goal average up above four.

Coventry Sphinx 4-1 Aston Villa XI

Actually more like Aston Villa Under-XI's, frighteningly youthful!

Typical works ground, three sided bordering on a cricket pitch, with the ubiquitous bowling green next door, every works ground has both of these, see also Pilkington XXX and Dudley Sports.
One small stand, half bench seated, half just a concrete floor, imaginitavely graffiteed though. Wouldn't have sat in it due to the amount of kids playing behind it and regularly thumping the corrugated iron back with resounding thumps loud enough to loosen teeth.
Nice Social Club, as these places tend to have. again see Triplex and Dudley Sports!

Admission £3, Prog £1.50, now ticked, won't go out of my way to return.

Proper season with proper games now just around the corner.

Songs In My Head On Waking - Part 1 - The Weather Prophets

2009-07-19T13:44:00.005+01:00

Do you ever wake up and one particular song is going through your head?
It happens to me all the time, sometimes they are songs I've listened to the day before, sometimes they are currently popular songs that I've probably heard while my wife has Radio 2 or Heart FM on.
But sometimes they are songs I have no idea when I last heard, and on the odd occassion, such as this morning, it will be a song that I haven't heard for yonks and have forgotten just how brilliant it was, and it makes me wonder why I haven't dug it out of the collection for all these years.

This morning, in the shower, all the way to work in the car and all day here in the office I have been singing this:

The Weather Prophets were one of those groups that were often fairly inoccuous, but occassionally sublime. Almost Prayed was a lovely song, possibly only supassed by the sublime Hollow Heart:

And, just to spoil you, a tune from the earlier incarnation of The Weather Prophets, Up The Hill And Down The Slope by The Loft.

Match Abandoned.....by Me! - Heath Hayes 2-1 Stafford Rangers - Pre-season Friendly - 16th July 2009

2009-07-17T09:04:00.003+01:00

Left the house and it was drizzling slightly.
Got to the A34 at Walsall and it was a tad more than drizzle.
Got to within a mile of Heath Hayes and it was bucketing down.
Got to the Colliery Ground and people were building arks.
Glimpsed through the trees, saw the players just kicking off, saw a few bedraggled spectators looking thoroughly miserable, turned the car round and headed for the pub.

Sometimes it's just not worth it.

Attendance - Dunno
Admission - Search me.
Beer:
Bathams in The Great Western, Wolverhampton - bloody lovely, shame I was driving - 9/10

Less is More - Tamworth 1-1 Leicester City - Pre-season friendly - 11th July 2009.

2009-07-12T16:01:00.007+01:00

My first foray into the season was going to be Castle Vale JKS v Lea Hall last Sunday, but once again the missus scuppered it by handing me a beer, a serious team-hopper wouldn't keep falling for that trick would they? So my first game was to be Tamworth's first friendly against a Leicester team expected to send a fair few first teamers even though they were splitting their team to play another game at Loughborough (or somewhere like that anyway!). I did recognise a couple of their players, Matt Oakley being one, and chatting to some of their fans it was indeed a decent side that turned out.

Tamuff meanwhile don't have the luxury of being able to split their squad, we barely have enough players to field 11 plus 7 subs, still it's better to be a bit short squad wise than to overstretch the budget, we want to be right up there when the annual AGM Cup is played out and the "staying up by default" teams are read out.

Rain had been forecast so I packed the waterproofs and of course it was a lovely day. First pint was supped at The Tweeddale Arms, not a bad pint of Bass and then it was onto The White Lion where the Blythe Brewery Staffie was very nice indeed, so nice in fact that I had to have three. Beat Cameron at pool - no mercy son, sorry, and then off to The Lamb.
The clubhouse had some new rather 'arty' pictures on the walls, sorry to whoever did this but I prefer a clubhouse to have memorabilia, old shirts, pictures of teams from the past and stuff like that, where's the mention of our Vase win, our Trophy and FA Cup runs, our dramatic battles against Netherfield to see who could finish second bottom of the Northern Premier League? If I want pictures of our stand taken at a very odd angle I'll get our Cameron to take the photos!

The Leicester fans were very polite though, whoever heard of queueing to get to a bar? They showed admirable restraint too when half of the regulars ignored the queue and just went to the other end of the bar! Not me though, heaven forfend!

The game? Well it was a friendly, hardly a poor tackle all game, everyone was being very nice. Tamworth showed in patches that we are again looking to play the ball about on the floor, several times we strung a few passes together, not much cutting edge though, I'm not sure how successful this passing game will be against the Conference hoofers but then again I doubted this tactic at the beginning of last season too and it seemed to work out okay in the end.

In the first half Leicester looked the better team but we defended stoutly and also came closest to scoring when a Tom Shaw shot clipped the bar. Second half was similar, the class of the Leicester midfield meant they had more possession but they hardly troubled Alcock in the Tamuff goal. Then a long ball over the top fell in between two Tamworth defenders and Bruno Berner reacted quickest to roll the ball past Alcock for 0-1.

That looked like being it as Tamworth couldn't seem to get a decent shot away until three minutes from time when Nick Wright turned his man on the edge of the box and struck a sweet shot over the keepers head for the equaliser. I even saw the goal but Cameron somehow missed it as he was pretting about on the floor. Maybe it's his turn to be goal-misser extraordinaire this season?

Admission - £10 & £5
Attendance - 1035 (looked about right to me although some on the forum have questioned this thinking there were more in the ground.)
Programme - Yes, small folded sheet thingie for just 20p.
Beer - Bass in Tweeddale - 6/10
Blythe Staffie in White Lion - 8/10
Black Sheep in Clubhouse - 5/10 (always -1 for the plastic 'glass'.

We're Back!

2009-07-12T15:56:00.002+01:00

Blog resurrection time again.
Lost interest last season, too much beer, not really enough football, no excuses though.
Tamuff v Leicester on the way.

Darlo's Magic Turnstyle!

2008-11-19T22:11:00.002Z

Official attendance at the Darlaston v Long Eaton game?

36!!

There were more than that in the ground when I arrived at 14:40, and I counted at least another 40 coming through the entrance (most paying) after that!

My headcount was just over 100, not saying that there's ant dodgy accounting though, oh no siree!

Say Hello, Waverley Goodbye - Darlaston Town 0 Long Eaton United 3 - FA Vase 2nd Round - Waverley Road - 15/11/08

2008-11-16T09:42:00.010Z

I was coming off a night shift so I had to go local and what better than a Vase game at a ground I have a strange fondness for, it must be the slope that does it.

Darlaston had made an excellent start to the season but have been stuttering of late and were definite underdogs against a Long Eaton team that lie fourth in the Northern Counties Eastern League Premier Division (one step above the step six West Midlands League). I was also confident of a few goals seeing that Long Eaton's last five results in all competitions were: 1-8; 1-0; 5-1; 4-2; 6-5! Darlo of course had home advantage and the slope and the very heavy looking pitch could have been a leveller I suppose.

Pre-match refreshments were once again taken in The Olde White Rose in Bilston and from there it's just ten minutes on the 79 bus and a five minute stroll to the ground and a pint in Fingle's Bar in the clubhouse.

I was slightly disappointed that they had run out of programmes, the bloke on the gate said that they could only manage to print 30, but I'm not an avid paper-chaser so I shrugged it off, what a trooper I am!

Cameron set about finding out what food they had and settled on a hot dog for just a quid and then he went in search of somewhere to kick his football and settled on annoying a group of three men behind the goal who probably stood there every week, they tutted a bit but Cameron isn't bothered about a bit of tutting when there's football to be played.

The three grumpy men - probably still tutting even now! >>>

Intermittent drizzle greeted the players as they came out and from the start it was obvious which team were from the higher division. Long Eaton attacked from the start and it was only wayward shooting and last-ditch defending that prevented them scoring for the first twenty minutes. When they finally did score it was a cracker. They were awarded a free-kick on the edge of the area and took advantage by curling a corker into the corner giving the Darlo keeper no chance.

Tempers then started to flare a bit and the referee struggled to keep control of the game, as he blew for half-time there was a fully fledged punch up in the changing rooms with players, coaches and several spectators all piling in, looked like fun and at one point some of us wondered if the game would be abandoned. Eventually calm was restored and all 22 players returned for the second half and the only victim appeared to be the ref who had come back on with a pronounced limp!

The ref eventually decided he couldn't limp on and he gave the whistle to one of his assistants and he himself went to hobble along the line.

Darlo had the advantage of the slope in the second half but still rarely tested the LEFC keeper and the inevitable happened when they were awarded another free-kick in almost the same place as the one they scored from, and the result was exactly the same, 2-0 - game over.

Long Eaton had time to add a third from close range after good work out on the right wing and their run of putting out West Midlands clubs continues (previous rounds had seen them account for Warstones Wanderers and Bewdley Town).

The bloke in the picture above by the way has apparently taken his bear suit around 784 different football grounds, he does it for charidee apparently so I bunged him a couple of quid, the charity may well be his personal pension fund but what the heck eh?

One final pint in the clubhouse to get the results (Tamworth continue to scarily top Conf North after a 3-1 win at Farsley Celtic and Villa beat The Arse at Highbury, a good day all round!) and it was home for curry and wine.

Admission: £4 Adults. £2 Kids

Programme: Dunno, they had run out.

Att: TBC but headcount was just around the 100 mark.

Kes!

2008-11-02T20:31:00.005Z

Thanks to Jaundiced Hack on Tony Kempster's forum I now know that the bird of prey hovering over the fields at Earlswood was a kestrel. Apparently the kestrel is the only British bird of prey that is able to hover.

So there you go, life is an education!

Duke Duke Duke Duke of Earl(swood) - I Am SO sorry about that - Earlswood Town 1 Newhall 1 - Midland Combination Division One - 01/11/08

2008-11-02T00:42:00.008Z

The promise of a lift to a new ground and two new teams was enough to convince me that a trip to the Warwickshire countryside was in order, Earlswood have been on my radar for a while because of their proximity to The Lakes railway station but this was my first visit and despite the cold (it was definitely more like January football weather than November, global warming my arse) it was well worth the day out.
Earlswood is not a town despite the teams rather optimistic suffix, it's more of a street with some posh houses, the ground itself is just a field in the middle of some farmland but you can tell that somebody somewhere cares about this club. They have a rather posh new clubhouse and changing rooms building, all done out in pine and with decking and benches and everything, I had a mootch around the inside to see if it had been built using FA grants or something, certainly the meagre crowd for this match, if typical, won;t have paid for it. I couldn't see any evidence but on the way out of the ground we did spot a very expensive Bentley in the car park, so I think the owner of that may have put his hand in his pocket!

We could have got away without paying. As we left the car someone asked us if we were "Newhall", foolishly I said no and so he made us pay! He was shocked when I said I had travelled all the way from West Bromwich to watch this game, you have a feeling that the "newcomers" will be talked about for weeks, they must get the odd groundhopper (most groundhoppers are odd, no offence) down this way but unlike in the Black Country people don't tend to travel around the Mid Comb grounds to watch games so visitors are rare I suppose.

Pre-match refreshments consisted of tea and a roast beef roll, all at very reasonable prices while Cameron set off in search of electric fences and footballs to steal.

We then decided that it didn't count if you watched the match through the clubhouse windows (although some did) and ventured into the Arctic wastelands to watch the match.
Earlswood were (and still are) top of the division, Newhall were (but no longer are) bottom, should have been a formality then eh? Of course not, Earlswood played all the good football, Woodhall's "rule of three" (at this level if a team can do three good things in a row without f*cking it up they are a good side) certainly showed that they can play, but they couldn't finish. This despite the Newhall keeper being one of the most eccentric I've seen for a while, there were times when he seemed genuinely scared of the ball.
Poor finishing and desperate defending kept it to 0-0 at half-time and the chance to defrost with more tea.

Somewhere in the above picture is a bird of prey who had been hovering over the field next door. It was definitely there when I took the photo but I'm damned if I can see it now!

Anyhow, Earlswood finally took the lead about ten minutes into the second half, a neat finish from the edge of the six yard box, that really should have been it as The Earls (I'm getting familiar now) had plenty more chances to finish the game off. They did have the ball in the back of the net once more, the Newhall keeper once again did something bizarre on the edge of his area and the resultant lobbed attempt at goal was bundled over the line but from an offside position. And then, inevitably I suppose, Newhall scrambled in an equaliser with minutes to go, and boy did they celebrate.

Earlswood reamin top but have played more games than second placed Castle Vale JKS, not that they could get promoted with this ground, it's lovely but it doesn't have floodlights, and in this leafy part of the world I doubt the NIMBYs would allow them anyway. Shame, because as I said, someone really cares for this club, the clubhouse building proves that.

Attendance: 14 (headcount) although three more did turn up just after half time thinking that it kicked off at 3pm rather than 2!
Programme: Yes, 50p I think.
Food: Cheap rolls, very tasty.
Public transport: Train from Snow Hill or Moor Street to The Lakes.

Roll Out the Predictable Headline. - Tamworth 0 Barrow 4 - Lamb Ground - FA Cup (Sponsored by a rip-off energy company, reduce my bills you bounders)

2008-10-29T02:16:00.003Z

I love the FA Cup, well I love it when we win. Today we didn't, we were stuffed, or so the scoreline suggests anyway. But the reality is a little different, for large chunks of this match Tamworth more than matched Barrow but we failed to take our chances, and if you do that against even a half-decent Conference (sorry Blue Square!) National side they will punish you.

Ach! It was still a decent day out, beers in The Albert, The Sir Robert Peel, The Market Vaults and The White Lion were all pretty decent, the Guinness in the absurdly named Vertigo (converted from The Boot to some sort of rock pub, not really my thing but you have to tick them off!) wasn't. Got a lift to the ground (cheers Julie) to save the walk and could see that it was a good crowd for once.

As for the game, well as I said above, Tamworth played okay, we're a passing side this season and so are Barrow so it was good to watch. If we had taken just one of the chances we had in the first half hour I reckon we'd have won this, but we didn't, and then the very impressive (and very large) McNulty lashed in from eight yards for Barrow. Still it was only 1-0 at half-time, a good team talk to fire the lads up and it's game on right? Not when you concede the second after fifty seconds it's not! Game plan out the window and effectively game over.

Barrow got a third after Bevan hauled down their striker, he was sent off (rightly) and as our only other keeper is cup-tied centre-half Craig McAughtrie took over between the sticks. To be fair Macca pulled off a couple of good saves, in fact one where he went down low to his left to push out a stinging drive was worthy of any keeper. He was beaten once more by a good run and shot as Tamworth tried to push forward to get something from the game. At the final whistle The Shed, who had spent most of the second half abusing Barrow manager, applauded rather than jeered and this is a sign that one defeat does not ruin what has so far been an excellent start to the season.
Consolation was gained in the news that Southport has lost to Redditch and Tamworth were back on top of the league, not often that happens after a 4-0 drubbing!

One moan, why was the draw for the 1st round held on Sunday, it is one of the traditions for non-league teams who make it to the 1st round proper to gather in the clubhouse afterwards to see who they've got. ITV's decision deprived the travelling Barrow fans (who were excellent by the way) of this, I have written to complain of course!

Attendance - 1012 (looked a lot more, I think that dodgy FA Cup turnstyle was being used again!)
Programme - probably!

It's Catch Up Time

2008-10-29T01:35:00.002Z

Right, my completely rubbish reason for no updates this month is that I have ordered a new camera, which hasn't arrived yet! What I was going to do was go back to the grounds I had been to this month, take a few photos and then do the write up, but while I argue with Argos or whoever they are blaming for the non-arrival of my camera here us a quick precis of the four games I attended in October plus a proper write up of the last one.

Tamworth 2 Hyde United 0 - The Lamb Ground - Blue Square North

Easy stroll for a very scarily in-form Tamworth side. Really not much more to say, I even saw one of the goals (but missed the second one as it was once again scored at beer o'clock, how inconvenient!

Oldbury Athletic 3 Brocton 2 - Oldbury Leisure Centre - JW Hunt Cup

If anyone has ever been to this God-forsaken ground in the nether regions of The Black Country will already know what an uninviting place it can be on a cold and wet Autumn nigt, no cover, generally no chance of a cup of tea and not a decent pub within walking distance. Luckily tonight it was reasonably mild and I had a hip flask!
The ground is an ex-athletics ground but trhe track is long overgrown. I remember it being in a much better state when Tamworth came here to play the long gone Sandwell Borough, it must still pass ground inspections but for how much longer I don't know. Still the floodlights are working.
Decent game, Oldbury are rumoured to be chucking money at an attempt to gain promotion to the Midland Alliance, apparently some players are earning £200 per week which is a hell of a lot for a Step six club. They weren't that much better than Brocton though and only just shaded a five goal thriller (cliche fans!).
Attendance: 25

Pilkington XXX 1 Lye Town 3 - Triplex Ground - Birmingham Midweek Floodlit Cup

One of the competitions that gives some indication of which league, the Mid Comb or the West Mids, is the stronger. Not much to choose between them on this showing, Lye Town's finishing was the decider but Pilkington could have won it had they took some of several chances.
I do like The Triplex, it's a proper old Birmingham Works ground with an old red-brick factory looming over one end of the ptch and the ubiquitous bowling green and cricket pitch on one side.
Attendance: 42(H/C)

Bilston Town (2007) 1 Bilbrook 0 - Queen Street - West Midlands League Division One

A Bilston team back at Queen Street can only be a good thing. Endless break-ins and vandalism have forced at least two previous Bilston teams to fold and this latest reincarnation had to spend last season (and the beginning of this) at Bantock Park in Wolverhampton while the ground was made safe enough to play in. But I was very pleasantly surprised on walking to the ground from The Olde White Rose (inevitably) to see that it had had a lick of paint and nice new orange plastic lettering on the outside.
Inside it was just as good, everything fixed up, and very comfortable cushioned seating in the stand, how very civilised!.
The game was rubbish mind, and it looked very much like I was going to see my first 0-0 for two years until Bilston won and converted a penalty to win the game.
Cynics will say that Bilston are wasting their time because of the location of the ground but The Lunt is not as bad as it used to be, there's even plans to build a hotel next to the ground although whether this credit crunch thing will put paid to that idea remains to be seen.
Attendance: 32

This Sporting Strife - Dudley Sports 0 Darlaston Town 1 - West Midlands League Premier Division - Hillcrest Avenue - 23/09/08

2008-09-27T08:52:00.011+01:00

I'm working far too many weekends at the moment which is having an adverse effect on my ability to watch any football never mind Tamuff, but there's always the odd midweek game around the Black Country to sate my appetite.

Dudley Sports Hillcrest Avenue ground is one I have driven past many times on my way to other games but this was my first ever visit to watch a game. It's an old Birmingham Works ground, I could tell you the name of the firm that used to play on it but I have left the programme with this information at home (I'm writing this at work when I should be doing something more productive and work related! Luckily I don't think my boss has any interest in non-league football, in fact as a Chelsea fan he doesn't really have any interest in any type of football.). I know the firm in question had something to do with pies.

Typical of an old works ground it has an extensive clubhouse. These clubhouses always seem to sell at least one type of beer that is just never found in any

Must get a better camera

other pub in the area, in this case it was Mansfield Bitter!

Also typical of these grounds is the attached bowling green and a large expanse of grass next to the railed off pitch that used to be a cricket pitch, Pilkington's Triplex Sports Ground is another typical example.

Have I said the word typical too many times above? Probably, but that's bloody typical.

As mentioned, the pitch is fully railed off with some corrugated iron shelters on the changing room and snack bar side of the pitch and a small stand with a couple of benches opposite, that's about it as far as ground furniture goes besides the dug-outs. The Dudley manager didn't actually use his dug-out, preferring to stand on the edge of his technical area all match jumping up and down in apoplectic, red-faced rage, but I've seen him in action before so I wasn't phased.

Darlaston are currently top of the West Midlands League despite having been thrashed 4-1 by Shawbury in their last game, Dudley Sports are languishing near the bottom so it looked on paper like a one-sided match. Indeed Darlo did look the better side at the start, passing it around nicely and winning a penalty early on which they converted to take the lead. I was half expecting them to run away with it after that but it didn't happen, Dudley came back into the game and then it all descended into a very poor mass of mistakes.

Another veteran of West Midlands match hopping, Dave Woodhall, reckons by the "three things rule" saying that a half-decent team should be able to do three things right in a row, say: control - pass - decent cross or pass - good run - decent shot, if they can't manage that you know your watching a poor game, this was by any reckoning a poor game!

But solace was at hand! As half-time approached we noticed that not only did the snack-bar do chips, they did curly fries! Curly fries at a football match - fantastic!

Fortified by curly fries (did I say they were great?) and a cup of tea we settled down for the second half but it didn't get much better. Dudley were marginally the better side but couldn't force an equaliser, in fact the most entertaining thing was probably the Dudley No.5 whose consistent berating of the officials with his mantra; "'Ow Con yow see that from there?" was mildly amusing seeing as he never crossed the half-way line and was therefore usually much further away from the action than the ref was.

Attendance - £3

Programme - £1

Attendance - 34 (headcount)

Curly Fries - £1 (they were lovely by the way)

Public transport - 311 bus from Wednesbury to Stourbridge passes by the ground.

Ooh! Can you feel the excitement? Live Blogging is Back!

2008-09-06T14:41:00.037+01:00

Yup, I'm stuck at work so it's time to live blog today's football.

14:43 - As well as proper football we've also got World Cup 2010 Qualifiers. England will struggle to a narrow win against the might of Andorra later but Scotland are already playing - and losing 1-0 in Macedonia. There was also a 5-4 win for Peterborough against Bristol Rovers.

14:46 - I couldn't get the non-league vidiprinter to work last time I tried it but I'll have another go today. Sky Sports and Radio Five will be my other main sources.

14:50 - WCQ HT score check - Seychelles 0-1 Burundi

14:51 - I see that Lewis Hamilton has secured pole position in the Belgium round of Follow-the-leader.

14:57 - Difficult game for Tamuff today, home to Harrogate who will be right up there at the end of the season, could be another draw I reckon.

15:03 - Well, either bugger all's happening or everything is broken!

15:04 - Oh, here we go. Forest Gump 0-1 Webbedfeet.
Concord Rangers 1-0 Waltham Forest

15:06 - Concord have gome supersonic. Om bloody hell, I'm sorry that was terrible. Anyway they are 2-0 up now.

15:07 - Make that three! No, make that FOUR!! And some bloke called Howard has all four of them. Either the NL Vidiprinter (or the correspondent) is taking the piss or there's something quite remarkable going on down in Canvey! Blimey.

15:10 - Okay, now it's getting beyond a joke. Either Concord (and Howard) have scored 8 (at last glance) in ten minutes or the bloke sending the scores has got a button stuck on his phone!
Alderhot are beating Darlington though.

15:13 - Wahey!! Tamuff 1-0 Harrogate. No scorer as yet.

15:16 - Right, I can obviouly not believe a single thing on the NL Vidiprinter! Currently it has the following scores flashing through:
Forest Green 4-7 Ebbsfleet
Concord 13 -0 Waltham
Corby11-0 Merthyr (we can but wish)

And still they clock up.
The Tamworth score is correct though, Gareth Sheldon the scorer.

15:21 - Ashford Town are 27-0 up away at Corinthins apparently, hmmm.
Notts County 1-1 Bournemouth
Mansfield are beating Eastbourne and Satanage, who had an awful start to the season considering they were amongst the favourites, are 2-0 up against The Marmite Miners.

15:25 - Ah, it's sorted itself out I think.
Solihull Poors 1-0 Droylesden

15:27 - Or has it, no updates at all now. Feck it!

15:30 - Dirty Leeds 1-0 Crewe. Aldershot 2-0 up against Darlo. Decent start to the season for Aldershot.

15:33 - Cambridge 1-o Wrexham, I still fancy Brian Little's men to go back up, but that's probably just because Brian Little was a boyhood hero of mine.
Weymuff 1-1 Histon.

15:35 - "Due to a technical error there is no Vidiprinter today, we apologies for the inconvenience."
Thought so.

15:38 - Burundi beat Seychelles 2-1. Don't suppose anyone knows if that's a surprise or not?

15:41 - Trouble is I don't know what's happening in the other Conf North games, I'll do a HT and FT round-up. Not that anyone actually cares!
Lewes o-1 Barrow.

15:44 - Found a few scores on the Conf North forum, Southport 0-1 Alfreton is the biggest shock. Burscough are beating Mick Hucknall and Telford are 1 up against Gainsborough.

15:56 - The game at Solihull has been abandoned, I can see why, I'm working in Solihull and it's been absolutely bucketing it down for two hours now.
Scotland lost to Macedonia *snigger*!

16:04 - Wales 0-0 Azerbaijan. Good score in scrabble but Wales should be winning this one surely?

16:08 - Mick Hucknall 0-2 Burs'cough'; Farcely 2-1 Stalybridge

16:17 - Ay up, it's now Tamuff 2-0 Harrogate. Well, I think we go third if it stays like this.
And Gainsboroigh have equalised at Telford too.

16:21 - Satanage now 4-0 up against The Munchers, shame. No respite for Luton who are 2-0 down at Macclesfield.

16:22 - It's all gone goal crazy at The Lamb, 3-1 now. Still don't know the scorers.

16:24 - Wales have a penalty against Azerbywhatsit...and it's....a.....wait for it.....saved!! *snigger again*

16:31 - Wukkington 0-1 Deadditch.

16:41 - The lucky Welsh buggers have scrambled a late goal, Sam Vokes the scorer.

16:46 - Stalybridge 3-2 up at Farsley in the battle of the Celtics.

16:51 - And that's it, a 3-1 win, that'll do, great win.
Have fun.

The Internet Really Is For Porn!

2008-09-03T11:04:00.003+01:00

My attempt to drive up the hit counter for this site by putting some gratuitous naughty words into the Walsall V Villa report has drew dividends. A quick perusal of my Google Dashboard has thrown up the following keywords from which people have stumbled upon my site from Google. There really are some sick people out there!

milfs walsall

milf of stourbridge

milf forres

There does appear to be a lot of milfhunters in internet land, no milfs on my site though, unlucky!

how hairy am i supposed to be down there

Errr....dunno really. Down where?

free hairy asian

free home hairy

asian hairy home

asian nurses free

Not only do they want it hairy but they want it for free, and it must be asian apparently. Well.

asia very old and hairy

Noooooooooooooo!!!!!

hairy boxes

Presumably for taking your cat to the vet in comfort? (Seven people have entered "hairy boxes" and found my site, maybe I should start a business selling them?)

And finally, one or two that I have no idea about:

crap and tamworth fc

How very dare they!

par or chain gang football

Nope, no idea.

and finally,

i am looking for a settee in coalville

That's nice for you, I've got one but I'm not in Coalville, sorry.

FAB Virgil - University of Exeter 1 Bovey Tracey 3 - South West Peninsula League Division One East - University Playing Fields, Topsham - 23/08/08

2008-08-31T19:30:00.009+01:00

Now this was a nice day.
Every year that I come down to Devon I always set aside a day for myself so I can visit some pubs in the Good Beer Guide and sup some excellent ales. This year I even managed to fit some football into the itinerary, and as an added bonus this football was in th real-ale Mecca of Topsham, a delightful little town near Exeter with nearly as many real ale pubs as residents.

The University playing fields are about half a mile outside the town but the walk from the railway station can, if you aren't careful, take you past seven (or was it eight) very, very good pubs, this walk is not the most direct, taking in The Bridge (a wonderful pub) means walking half a mile in the wrong direction, but oh boy is it worth it! There's also The Globe, The Lighter, some others and lots and lots of beer, most of it from local breweries and all of it delicious.

Oh, yes, there was also a game of football wasn't there? Much to my surprise (and via the Exeter Inn and The Lord Nelson) I actually did make it just before kick-off. I paid two quid to get in (including a basic programme) took a couple of pictures, lay down on the grass bank at the far end and promptly fell asleep.
From the little I saw of the game the students were always second best to the least known of the Tracey brothers from Thunderbirds.

The ground is fairly basic, it's a railed off bit of grass in a large sports field with just an elongated bus shelter for, err, shelter! The best view is from the top of my bed, sorry, the grass bank.

The view from my bed! >

At half-time I was rudely awakened by a few drops of rain, so having sated my team-hopping instincts by at least seeing a couple of minutes of football (I have no standards) I sloped off back to the pub to catch the rest of the football scores before wandering (probably slightly tipsily) back to the caravan.

This is what it's all about!

Attendance - 30 (headcount)
Admission - £2

I briefly attended just one more game on my holidays after this, Otterton 2 Clyst Valley 1 in the Devon & Exeter League Premier, but no report as it really was just a brief pop-in after I had spent most of the day finding someone to fix my car.

Donkey Derby - Exmouth Town 0 Buckfastleigh Rangers 1 - King George V Ground - Carlsberg South West Peninsula Division One East - 16/08/08

2008-08-31T18:40:00.010+01:00

Once again my original plan had been slightly different, I was going to catch a bus up to Lympstone to watch Royal Marines play their first game in this league but a slight delay in getting to not so sunny Devon and my wife's insistence on beer after the game meant I stayed in Exmouth and walked round to watch the local side take on Buckfastleigh Rangers, who, to my great disappointment, are NOT a gang of bevvied up ex-patriot Glaswegian jakies swigging tonic wine.

I will now just add that whilst this game was an absolutely awful display of ineptitude with just the one scrappy and very late goal, the match up the road that I was going to go to and could have made had it not been for my wife finished Royal Marines 4-7 Bovey Tracey. Words cannot justify how I felt when I read that score in the morning.
I haven't seen more than ten goals in a game for years and I missed this one just because my missus wanted beer and a bloody burger in Wetherspoons, I despair I really do.

I did see some donkeys though, and not just the twenty-two on the pitch!

Here's a tip for you all, as my son found out to his cost, you should never wee on an electric fence. I bet the donkeys know that.

There were some excuses for the rubbish I witnessed, apparently Exmouth Town's manager, who had led them to a very decent third (I think) last season had upped and left for Cullompton, and as is the way of these things, all the best players had followed so it was a very young Exmouth team that took the field. Buckfastswillingglaswegianjakies only had the excuse that they were crap last season as well, they finished a distant bottom and were only saved by the lack of teams to replace them from below.

Ach well, at least it wasn't 0-0, still not seen one of them for ages, and the Buckfasttonic wine goal was a cracker and they certainly seemed to enjoy it.
Oh, and the burger in Wetherspoons was very nice and they had a couple of very decent Teignworthy and Cotleigh ales on, so it wasn't a bad day after all really.

Except that I missed a 4-7 of course.

Exmouth's most loyal fan risks a ban by disobeying the signs.

Attendance - 34
Admission - Can't remember, not much and with a free programme thrown in.

Going Loco Down In, Err, Nairn - Nairn County 1 Inverurie Loco Works 4 - Highland League - Station Park - 02/08/08

2008-08-31T17:57:00.009+01:00

Am I a lucky sod or what? My wife has relatives in The Highlands and decided that she would spend three weeks visiting them, and she took my Son with them, leaving me at home, alone with my vast porn collection and loads of beer!
I did have a long weekend up there though and I used it to add another couple of Highland League teams to my collection. My original plan was to watch Inverness City's debut in the Juniors but I found out that they weren't going to play in their new Northern Meeting Grounds home for a while and would still be playing in North Kessock, a basic venue that I've been to before and is a bit of a bugger to get to by public transport. (I had travelled north by train). There was a military tattoo on at the Northern Meeting Grounds though, but I decided to give this a wide berth as it would no doubt have involved military bands, and as this is Scotland, said military bands would have bagpipes, which are horrible, hateful things. I'm not convinced bagpipes were invented as a musical instrument, a torture instrument yes, but music? No way.

So anyway, I picked the much easier option of a short train trip along the Moray Firth coast to Nairn and Station Park, which, as it's name suggests, is right next to Nairn station. In fact the first picture above is taken from the platform.

Station Park is a typical Highland League ground, one smart seated stand, one more bit of cover opposite and grass banking at one end (I have no idea what's at the other end because I didn't go down that end, probably a rusty roller and some tarpaulin or something.). I love grass banking, especially on a fine summer day as this was. It's a pity it's been eradicated at the higher echelons of English non-league football, didn't Lewes have a problen with some grass banking at their Dripping Pan ground which meant they couldn't get promotion one year?

Another thing I have never failed to get, and which have nearly always been lovely, at Highland League grounds is a Scotch pie and a Bovril, Nairn did not disappoint, the pies were excellent, and only £1,20. I had two.

The match wasn't bad either, Inverurie are amongst the favourites this season, there does seem to have been a shift in power towards the eastern and Aberdeen based clubs in recent years, the match programme (Yes, a programme!) even mentioned that Nairn would really just like to be the top "North" club at the end of the season. Yes I know all the clubs are "North" up here but you know what I mean!

Nairn in fact took an early lead, but they were pegged back fairly soon afterwards and Inverurie were much the better side throughout and thoroughly deserved the win

Attendance - 181
Admission - £5
Programme - £1
Black Isle beer in Hootenanny's in Inverness - Rather decent thanks!

Normal Service Resumed Shortly

2008-08-17T16:39:00.001+01:00

I'm currently on holiday in Devon having just returned from Inverness, I only have a very flaky internet connection (it's taken me half an hour to do this much).

Reports and pictures from Nairn County v Inverurie Loco Works and Exmouth Town v Buckfastleigh Rangers coming as soon as I get home, plus any other game I manage to get to!

Cheers.

To Boldmerely Go - Boldmere St. Michaels 1 Walsall 2 - Pre-season Friendly - The Trevor Brown Memorial Ground - 30/07/08

2008-07-30T23:59:00.014+01:00

I exchanged the missing Tesco Bag For Life for a similar one from Morrisons for this sojourn to the leafy suburbs of Sutton Coldfield, I'm not sure if this makes me any less sad, maybe a slightly posher version of sad? I reckon I added to my sadness quotient by dropping a copy of a history of Britain's railways into the bag before setting off though. Well I needed something to read on the tram and the train, what could be better? I made up for it with a superb pint of Bathams on the way into Birmingham though, The Lord Clifden is rapidly becoming my favourite pub, it's sun-trap of a beer garden is an oasis in this industrial part of Brum near The Jewellery Quarter. It's even got some Banksy Artwork, how cool is that?

Boldmere's ground is named after an ex-chairman, it was once just plain old Church Road, the road on which it sits and the church that the St. Michaels name comes from, I'm a bit perturbed about the lack of an apostrophe of course. Shame they never managed a sponsorship deal with M&S as well. I'm waffling now.

True to form this season I assumed that the game would kick-off at 7:45, and so timed my arrival to perfection knowing that there is a distinct lack of watering holes on that stretch of The Chester Road, and so it came to pass that the game actually kicked off at 7:30 and I missed the first few minutes!

So yet again I am finding myself sidling up to someone to ask what the score is, only to be met with a surly "F*ck knows, I've been on me mobile." Suitably chastened I slunk off to the far end of the pitch and just assumed it was 0-0, which if the rest of the first half was to go by was a reasonable assumption anyway.

There was a very intriguing game of bowls going on next door (see right for an action shot), the bloke in the blue seemed to be winning.

Boldmere's ground can definitely be described as "tidy", they play in the Midland Alliance, a league where I've probably been to 90% of the grounds, this one is just so much nicer than most of them, it puts many a Southern League ground to shame. It does have a pronounced slope from the stand side to the carpark side but it's not alone in that. The one stand isn't particularly remarkable but it is functionable.
I've seen people decry the lack of character at grounds because the stands are "identikit", well yes they might be but if you are a small club but with ambitions then a stand you can easily move or extend is surely practicle, and Boldmere's is just that, I know from my last visit that it has already been extended and could easily have more bits added without looking daft.

After an unremarkable first half (0-0 I still assume) I retire to the rather decent clubhouse for an unremarkable but cheapish pint of Worthingtons. I reckon Boldmere do quite well out of their Social Club, this was a Wednesday night and it was pretty full with most not being amongst those watching the match.

Suitably refreshed and with a very nice cheeseburger (£1.80) keeping the hunger pains at bay I settled down to wonder if I was in for my first 0-0 for two years.

Luckily, no, within a few minutes of the restart (which I predictably missed by the way), Boldmere's impressive Wellor outmuscled the Walsall left-back and finished superbly into the bottom corner, a rare moment of quality.

This finally woke Walsall up and they almost immediately equalised, Deeney (I think) poaching one after the keeper had spilled a cross-shot. Walsall then won it with another goall which I completely missed due to being distracted by a rather fine pair of breasts, sorry, did I say breasts? I meant squirrels or, err, something.

They were nice though.

This game was part of Boldmere's 125th anniversary celelbrations, there you go, a team that is older than most teams in the Premiership and I bet there's hardly a Chelsea fan who will have ever heard of them! They have bought out a book to celebrate this milestone and of course I had to buy it! I'm a sucker for this sort of stuff.

Hot or Not? - Boldmere WAG's

Attendance - Approx 160
Programme - Yes
Beer - Mediocre at the ground but the Bathams was lovely in The Lord Clifden
Public Transport - Train to Chester Road, 66, 111 and 118 buses do run past Church Road but I walked (just under a mile)

Bentley Rythm Ace - Bentley Youth 4 West Midlands Fire 1 - Pre-season friendly - Bentley Road South - 23/07/08

2008-07-23T22:33:00.011+01:00

I think I've finally arrived! For a few years now I've been wandering around various football grounds but I've never really considered myself as a bona fide Groundhopper. But this afternoon, after I had cut the grass and fed the cats, I was about to go and catch my bus when I remembered that I needed my waterproof (you never know!), my camera and a copy of The Guardian in case of boredom. How to carry all this...hmmm... and then my eyes lit up on a Tesco Bag for Life in the corner. So that's definitely it, I now carry a Tesco Bag for Life, my name is Dave Cooper and I am a groundhopper!

With the wife and kid up in Scotland this week i had a day to myself, after the guilt trip grass cutting I decide that a trip out to Bilston would be a fine way to treat myself. (Oh yes, I know how to live!) First up a pint of Holdens Special in The Trumpet, a fine little pub which does nightly jazz if that's your thing. They had bingo on this dinner time, I didn't win.
Over the road is the Greyhound and Punchbowl, this has had decent beer on in on other visits but not today, finally onto The Olde White Rose which has been my favourite pub ever in the past but it has gone downhill a bit, the beer was good though and it was nice to sit outside and read the paper on such a warm afternoon.

I turned up a couple of minutes before the scheduled kick-off time of 7pm only to find the game in full swing.

This is quite normal in pre-season, referees will often kick off as soon as both teams are happy to do so. I am aware of groundhoppers who would immediately walk out at this point and not count the game as a "tick". They are probably the same type of hopper who don't count 0-0 draws or who have to touch each corner flag or something, don't get me wrong, I am not disparaging this fine hobby but for me a game is a game whether I have watched 90 minutes or not.

Bentley scored as soon as I got to the roped off pitch, which was in excellent condition. At half-time I found out that the groundsman here has won Staffordshire Groundsman of the year in two out of the last three seasons. I wandered up to a bloke who had a notebook, "He'll know if that was the first goal." I thought, and indeed he did, and indeed it was, and indeed said bloke turned out to be fellow hopper and poster on Tony Kempsters fine non-league forum, Yorkie Exile. His ground (and indeed team) total puts me to shame but we all have to start somewhere and he was a delight to chat to.

Bentley continued to play some nice football throughout the game, they currently play in the West Midland League Division Two, on this showing, and comparing them with what I saw last season, they have a chance of promotion. I have no idea what league the West Midlands Fire Service play in, they used to be a Midland Combination team who played at The Glades in Solihull but I can find no trace of them on the web just now. By just after half-time it was 3-0 to Bentley but this really wasn't a fair reflection of an evenly matched game, the firemen had hit the woodwork (well, strictly speaking, the metalwork) three times. They did eventually grab a well deserved consolation and it all ended 4-1, keeps my seasons average up nicely anyway!

I've just realised, I've missed a glorious opportunity to utilise some great puns, not to mention the chance to use phrases based around firemen's poles and hoses! Good job I'm not that puerile eh!

Attendance - 15 (headcount - a proper headcount this time!)
Admission - Free
Programme - Nope
Public Transport - No. 333 bus from Darlaston.

Hairy Asian Nurses - Walsall 2 Aston Villa 3 - Pre-season friendly - The Bescot - 22/07/08

2008-07-22T23:56:00.009+01:00

I'm a bit disappointed with the number of hits on this blog, I mean I know it's a big load of rubbish but my ego insists on more readers, therefore I am going for both the trainspotters and the pr0n surfers in this post.

MILF Loving Lesbians

So it was off to The Bescot for tonights friendly between two giants of West Midlands football, or more accurately two reserve teams, but hey, I got in on a freebie (with a thrown-in press pass) so who's complaining. And it was a lovely balmy evening.
There was an extra little edge to proceedings with the news that custard-bottomed, wantaway Gareth Barry was starting for Villa, it is fair to say that following his ill-advised interview with that bastion of truth The News of the World where he categorically stated that he wanted to go to Liverpool that Barry is not flavour of the month among the Villa faithful, his refusal to hand in a transfer request so he can trouser a loyalty fee hasn't exactly helped. He applauded the fans as he ran on and was roundly booed, but as the game wore on the boos got less and when he was subbed on the hour there was applause mixed in with the vitriol. Perhaps some fans realise that he is still a very good player and will be missed when he inevitably moves on, and he has given ten years service to the cause.

Virgin Cross Country

Spot the old picture!!

Marlon Harewood had the first clear chance for Villa, in fact he had the first two decent chances, but he comically cocked them both up, firstly, when clear through and one-on-one with the excellent Clayton Ince he somehow tangled his feet around the ball, then a few minutes later he burst free again and proceeded to shoot across goal and give away a throw-in. Hardly the stuff of legends! He did attempt an acrobatic overhead kick son after and the ball fell nicely for young centre-half Nathan Baker just two yards out but he blasted over the bar. It was that sort of first half for Villa really.
This was compounded when a poor mix-up between Parrish in the Villa goal and two of his defenders allowed Nicholl to roll the ball into an empty net to give Walsall a 1-0 half-time lead.

Bukakke Cream-pie

Villa began to try to exert themselves in the second-half and got their reward after Delfouneso was fouled on the edge of the area and Shaun Maloney curled an exquisite free-kick over the wall and past the grasp of Ince for the equaliser.

However this just seemed to annoy Walsall and they proceeded to have their best spell of the game, some lovely passing ripping apart the rather makeshift Villa defence culminating in a lovely volleyed goal by 50 year old Patrick Suffo from a volleyed pull back by Carl Deeney. Walsall could have added to their tally during this period and it was rather uncomfortable watching for Martin O'Neill who was sat in the posh seats in front of the Directors Boxes, unless he adds to his squad quickly then this lot are his back-up, and for long periods they did not look good.

Horny Housewife Deltic Diesels

Villa finally woke up in the last fifteen minutes, helped a lot, in my opinion, by the diminutive but extremely skillful Barry Bannan, he hardly misplaced a pass and was the catalyst that allowed Villa to move forward down both flanks. The second equaliser came from a long shot by Delfouneso that was fumbled by the Walsall replacement keeper, Maloney was on hand to pick up the pieces.
A couple of minutes later and Villa had their winner, good movement down the left and a nice cross allowed Wayne Routledge to half-volley home into the roof of the net.
The Villa fans behind the goal were by this time amusing themselves by chanting for O'Neill to sign Clayton Ince who had endeared himself to them by not only having a great game but also bearing the brunt of the usual insults aimed at keepers extremely well.

311 bus back to Wednesbury, 79 bus back home and I'm sipping wine and watching Apocalypse Now, not a bad day in all!

Attendance: 5,013 (Headcount)
Programme: Didn't bother but it was £2
Admission: Free!! (Cheers Dave)

Everything Is Average Nowadays - Tamworth 2 FC Halifax Town 0 - Pre-season Friendly - The Lamb - 19/07/08

2008-07-20T22:31:00.006+01:00

I rarely do Tamworth pre-season friendlies, there's no real point to them, they are just glorified training sessions really and they expect us to pay (sometimes full price) for the priviledge, but as this was going to be the first ever game for the newly formed FC Halifax Town who are hoping to rise from the ashes of the poorly run and now extinct Halifax Town, it just appealed somehow.

Right, a quick rant to get things off my chest. Firstly, what a disappointingly tedious and inevitable name is FC Halifax, what is it with new clubs and the need to stick FC or AFC in front of the name? They could have named it anything but depressingly have opted for just sticking FC in front, bah!
Secondly, and I am not having a go at the Halifax fans here, why have this brand new club been allowed to enter so high up the pyramid, Unibond One? So now we have a club with a big ground and a ready-made fanbase who will, in all probability, be back up in the Blue Square league in a couple of years. It does seem a bit unfair on all those clubs who have to start back at step seven or eight or ambitious clubs who are trying to climb the pyramid but have been leap-frogged by Halifax. It seems to be accepted that new clubs formed from bankrupt old ones just drop two or three divisions when, as new clubs, they should start from scratch surely?
That said, the fans I met were a great bunch, I hope it all goes well for them and all that.

I never hold much hopes for excitement pre-season friendlies, and I wasn't to be disappointed by this one, the whole day was just so average! The pint I had in The Albert was okay, nothing great (Marston's something or other, it was so bland I've forgotten it's name!), the Church End beer in The White Lion was the most average drop from this normally fine brewery that I've ever had, and even the normally excellent Hobgoblin in the same establishment was in a particularly poor state (end of barrel?).

The clubhouse had Greene King IPA as the guest beer, it was as average as Greene King IPA always is, England were being incredibly average in the cricket on the telly, it was all so bloody average!

I've even decided to post a couple of very average pictures as you can see, neither of them was actually taken at the game (I've stolen them off Flickr, they were taken by a Morecambe fan a couple of seasons ago!) as in my soporific state of ennui I forgot to get my camera out of the bag.

There was a brief flicker of interest as the teams ran out, but this was due to my delight at seeing that the fourth official was a twelve year old ginger! His paper round was being finished off by Tamworth substitute Dean Lea who is definitely no older than thirteen surely.

The game was okay, Tamworth were the better team as they should be and it's refreshing to see that we looked to play the ball on the ground most of the time. Rumour has it that Gary Mills has been told to play this way as the club has been inundated with lawsuits from Black Country ambulance chasing solicitors "Injuries Am We" suing for the spate of cricked necks we suffered last season.
Actually, given that the average size of the Tamworth squad, even with Craig McAughtrie, is well under 5'10", playing hoof it football would be pointless. To play good, passing football you need a good playmaker and Tamworth look to have found one in ex-Coventry yoof Lee Hildreth. This is the first time I have seen him and he looks too good for this level, let's hope no one notices for this season at least.
Tamworth took an early lead as Nick Wright latched onto a through ball, rounded the keeper and then did everything he could not to score before finally rolling the ball just over the line despite a desperate attempted clearance. Not too much else happened in the first half although one wayward Tamworth shot did send someones chips flying. Well, it'll help with his dieting.

Second-half? Much of the same, a few shots, some decent passing and then, pretty much out of the blue, a scorching low drive from about 25 yards out by Hildreth that gave the Halifax keeper no chance. Yeah, it was okay really.
Tamworth are having a decent pre-season, three wins out of three so far including a 1-0 win in Londonderry against Institute. Apparently a good time was had by all the fans who made that trip but what goes on tour stays on tour!

Halifax will take heart at a decent first game, they will probably win Unibond One, they bought about 100 fans with them which is more than most Conference North teams manage.

One more average pint on the way home and that was it, it's nice to catch up after the barren month of June but I doubt I'll bother with any of the other friendlies, I'll be back when we take on Stalybridge in the league in August.

Oh, one more thing, obviously the panto work for squeaky-voiced d-lister Joe Pasquale has dried up because he is now the tannoy announcer at Tamworth Station.

Attendance - 618

Programme - 8 pages 50p

Beer - average, all of it.

'S' Express - Archdales '73 5 Bolehall Swifts 3 - Pre Season Friendly - Claines Lane - 05/07/08

2008-07-05T19:25:00.003+01:00

This is definitely the earliest I have ever started a season.
And my camera has finally given up the ghost after five years of abuse so I can't even add any meaningful pictures.

While I'm in the mood to complain, I want to know why Archdales '73 are being deprived of their 'S' on the Midland Combination website. Look, go to 'club information > ground info > division one and there it is, "Archdale", no 'S'! I am disgusted, how can the official (only?) Midland Combination website deprive a club of it's 'S'?

I've created a petition, it just needs government approval, if I don't get it I know they are out to get me....and Archdales. Approval.

Anyway, onto the ground. Easy enough to find as it's just off the A38 between Droitwich and Worcester, if I had realised this sooner I wouldn't have driven because I could have got a train to Worcester, drank some rather lovely real ale at The Green Dragon and then caught a bus. Oh well, you live and learn, and there's always trips to Worcester City, Worcester City Academy and Perrywoods to go.

The clubhouse at Claines Lane perches well above the pitch and has a grass bank in front for the kids high on fizzy pop to throw themselves down, you get a lovely view of the Malvern Hills from up there as well. The settees in the clubhouse were particularly comfortable, getting one down the grass bank and across the field to my car would, however, have been problematic.

The pitch is fenced off with hard standing aroud some of it, there is a very basic bit of cover on one side flanked by the dug-outs, you pass a rather nice rusty roller on the way to it which was chained to the fence by a very high-tech looking padlock, roller thefts must be rife round Worcester way.

The game? Well it was a pre-season friendly. I've learned not to expect a huge amount from pre-season friendlies so this was a pleasant surprise. Bolehall took to the field in red shirts rather than their usual yellow and green, and they all looked very young. The reason for this became apparent after 30 minutes of the game when this whole team of trialists were substituted for the "proper" Bolehall team. The fact that it was 1-1 when this occurred and Archdales ended up winning 5-3 I'm sure has no bearing on the forthcoming season!

I think the scoring went:
1-0 to Archdales - low shot badly messed up by the Bolehall keeper.
1-1 - Can't remember!
2-1 Archdales - Excellent through ball, well finished.
3-1 - another through ball, nice lob over the onrushing keeper.
3-2 - free-kick from the edge of the box.
3-3 - another set-piece, free-kick from the left, decent header.
4-3 Archdales - Dunno, was playing football with Cameron
5-3 - ? was sheltering under a tre from the intermittent rain!

Archdales website
Bolehall website

I just know this season as a Tamworth fan will be another rollercoaster of emotions (almost certainly with more downs than ups) so I will enjoy these little interludes before the heartache begins.

Admission - None
Programme - None
Clubhouse settees - Rather cosy
Number of 'S's in Archdales '73 - ONE, get it right Mid Comb.
Attendance - Ooh, about 14 not including dog walkers and those connected to either club (headcount obviously!)

Jus' Experimentin'

2008-06-19T12:44:00.009+01:00

I would love to expand this blog a bit by adding bit's about the other things I do, mainly listening to obscure Indie bands and reading.

So, I am about to find out if you can add MP3's to Blogger. Well actually I know you can because there are loads of MP3 blogs out there, so what I need to know is can I add MP3's to Blogger!

Camera Obscura - Lloyd I'm Ready To Be Heartbroken

A bit of twee, whimsical loveliness from one of John Peel's favourite bands.

Wanted. People at The FA who can spell.

2008-06-18T13:02:00.003+01:00

With thanks to Legion on Heroes and Villains.

Right, we're definitely back!

2008-06-18T10:50:00.005+01:00

New laptop.
New season coming up!

Pre-season friendlies begin very shortly so I will blog in earnest from then.

Meanwhile I have embedded a Coops1989 Last FM Radio into the blog for your listening enjoyment! (if it works!).
Have fun.

Sorry.

2008-04-20T13:37:00.002+01:00

Computer problems have put this blog on hold, they have now been solved and I will be updating very shortly with an update of what has happened since the Warstones game.

Thanks for listening!!

WAR(stones), What Are They Good For (well a 3-1 win actually!) - Wednesbury Town 1 Warstones Wanderers 3 - West Midlands League Division 1 - 23/02/08

2008-02-28T17:33:00.009Z

There has been a club called Wednesbury Town FC since way back in the 1880's, I have no idea if the club I watched on Saturday have anything to do with the original club other than the name though. This Wednesbury Town don't even have their own ground and play their home games at Darlaston Town's Waverley Road.

Now, as we all know, lot's of non-league grounds have slopes, Tamworth has one, Yeovil have a rather famous one which gets mentioned whenever FA Cup Giantkilling is discussed, but the slope at Waverley Road beats them all. My pictures don't do it justice, it really is amazing. Wednesbury came out for the second half sporting climbing boots and crampons, no really!

As with a lot of West Midlands League grounds, Waverley Road could do with some loving care and attention, but there's no money and very few spectators. You can see that it would be capable of hosting higher division football but would struggle to pass a ground grading inspection for step five these days.

The entrance is between a couple of houses in a typical Black Country terraced street, somehow the rather nice blue painted wrought iron gates have survived being carted off by ne'er do wells! There is a largeish stand opposite the entrance with bench seats in it that's it for cover, further seating is provided for by a few benches outside the clubhouse which sits on top of the hill to the right. The bottom end is just broken fencing and weeds, my son did manage to find a nice new football in the undergrowth, if anyone knows who B.W.F.C. are, my son has your ball!

Decent pint of Banks's Mild in the clubhouse for just £1.95 and the cheese salad rolls were nice too.

I don't mind admitting that I have no idea who Warstones Wanderers are or where they came from or when they were formed! I have a feeling they are probably another fo these clubs which were either Sunday League or maybe Birmingham AFA and have decided to take the plunge into the pyramid. I do know that they are one of the few clubs in this division to issue a programme regularly so if you are a "paper-chaser" then they might be worth checking out. They have a website.

*EDIT* See, should have checked the website before, the history section tells me that they formed in 2001, started a Saturday team in the Wolverhampton and District Combination in 2005 and joined the WMRL the season after, it pays to do yer research!

The game itself wasn't up to much, Wednesbury took an early lead but were pegged back before half-time. Warstones then took advantage of the playing down the mountain and scored twice before I had even finished my half-time pint! I saw both goals through the clubhouse window though and the second one was a belter, volleyed into the top corner from the edge of the box.

I spent much of the second-half attempting to get updates from the Tamworth V Aldershot FA Trophy match (2-1 to Aldershot in the end, Wembley dreams dashed for another season!) but I don't think I missed a lot.

A quick mention for the Warstones number 10, he was head and shoulders above anyone else on the pitch, would have been worth the admission fee alone, had there been an admission fee that is!

Admission: Free

Programme: No

Attendance: 16 (Headcount and not including obvious club officials and anyone wandering in after more than 20 minutes, I have standards!)

Saints Edge Out The Staggies - Ross County 0 St. Johnstone 1 - Scottish Cup Round 5 - 12/02/08

2008-02-28T16:51:00.004Z

I was supposed to have visited Victoria Park back in December when I foolishly thought that I could fit it in along with a couple of Highland League games between Christmas and New Year, the weather put paid to that plan! No problems this time for this rearranged Scottish Cup fifth round tie.
Ross County have had their problems, they are yet another club who have had their share of financial woes (see the Save Our Staggies website for details), they were also relegated to the Scottish second division last season but are currently top of that division and the crowds are certainly holding up. They regularly get over 2,000 attending home games which, considering the size of the town of Dingwall, is pretty impressive and is certainly a lot more that anyone else in the second division and probably more than any team outside of the SPL!

I don't want to be too unkind to the town they play in but Dingwall is not particularly inspiring. It's not a place I would recommend if you were to ask me for a list of places to visit in The Highlands let's put it that way. There are several of these blandly anonymous towns along the east coast, Invergordon and Tain spring to mind as others. I love The Highlands but only normally go anywhere near Dingwall if passing through on my way to Ullapool!
Pre-match refreshments were taken mainly in Inverness, a couple of very nice pints in The Castle Tavern (a welcome addition to Inverness' real-ale scene). I did pop into The Mallard at Dingwall station for a couple of nips to keep the cold at bay and had a chat to a few of the St. Johnstone officials. They wee not particularly confident, they are doing well in the first division but knew that Ross County away is never easy.

The ground is just a short walk from the station and the floodlights were on to guide me over the railway bridge and down to the ground. Tickets seemed to be selling briskly enough and there was a decent atmosphere inside the ground, helped by what I suspect is the only bagpiper to play on a football terrace in Britain, I may be wrong about that though!

The game itself was very even, in fact Ross probably shaded it on possession and chances but they found Alan Main in good form. The winning goal was most unfortunate, the otherwise excellent Ross keeper Tony Bullock completely bollockse up an attempted clearance, slicing the ball into the path of Saints striker Liam Craig who outsprinted the defender to prod the ball into an empty net. The Staggies tried to get back into it and did hit the post towards the end but St. Johnstone held on.

More fortifying warmers were taken in The Mallard afterwards before I dragged myself back on the train to Inverness.

Attendance: 2519
Programme: Err...yes I think so!
Price: £10
Pie: Steak pies £1.10 and very nice too.

Tamworth Vs Scaffold Rangers* Trophy Replay Live Update

2008-02-05T21:17:00.000Z

Should have been live blogging from about 19:45 but got tied up at work (yes it's that sort of place!)

21:00 Tamworth 2-0 up at Half time, Wright and Nurse the scorers and thoroughly deserved by all accounts.

*Scaffold Rangers is copyright Kenny R.

21:23 - England U-21's are winning by a few against The Republic of Ireland, I think it's 3-0 or something.

21:26 - Tamworth 2-1 Stafford and apparently Stafford have also had a nailed on penalty turned down. Ulp!

21:33 - In other BSN news, Barrow were beating Klattering 1-0 and Telford were 2-0 up at the doomed Leigh RMI at half time.

21:35 - The Barra - Klattering game was abandoned after 54 minutes due to a waterlogged pitch. Piddling down at Tamuff as well but we're still winning.

21:38 - England U-21's won 3-0 and are nine points clear at the top of whatever group it is they are playing in, Milner with a couple and one from Walcott.
Must be close to the end at Tamuff, come on!!

21:44 - All over, Tamuff win 2-1. As Jase on the forum says, natural order resumed, and we have a new and wonderful nickname for Scaffold Rangers! A good night all-in-all!

Cheerio.

Tamworth Show Some Pedigree at Marstons - Stafford Rangers 2 Tamworth 2 - FA Trophy 3rd Round - 02/02/08

2008-02-05T01:34:00.000Z

I love away days! I haven't done many this season so I was looking forward to this one. Stafford is an easy one for me, tram to Brum, train straight to Staffford, picking Scott up on the way, no hassle. We found a couple of members of the Tamworth ~~Train~~ Taxi Crew (more on them later!)hanging around outside The Hogshead and arranged to meet them in The Bird In Hand after we had grabbed a pie. Nice pub The Bird In Hand, Holden's and Beowulf amongst the ales on tap and they didn't mind the few kids we had with us. There were vague plans to do a couple more pubs but in the end we settled for a fleet of taxis to The Tap & Spile near the ground which also had some decent beer on, it was a good start to the day I tells ya!

I thought we might have met a few Stafford fans in here but those that did venture in walked straight back out when they saw the by now rather numerous Tamuff fans. We don't bite you know! There was a bit of a sing song which was not appreciated by "The campest chav in Stafford" who was luckily (for him really) talked out of taking the whole pub on.

And so to the ground. I was unpleasantly surprised to see that Stafford charge £8 for concessions so it cost me a twenty spot to get myself and Cameron in to stand in the worst part of the ground. Marston road is quickly becoming a bizarre place to watch football, I've always liked the character of the main stand and that has been retained but they have done some strange things to the two ends of the ground whilst the large shed where they stick away fans is just horrible, especially the toilets, not many grounds at this level still make you piss up a brick wall these days and I didn't fancy the portaloo stood next to it!

The Stafford Chavs discuss their latest ASBO's

Last season Stafford decided to put seats into the stand opposite the clubhouse, they are a fetching shade lime green and they have erected some sort of large gazebo over the top of them, reminds one of a refugee camp in a way. On the clubhouse end they now have a rather rickety looking construction of scaffolding and planks which has surely not been inspected by any Health and Safety officer. It looks like it would fall down if you jumped on it, luckily there has been little in the way of excitement at Marston Road this season so it has managed to survive.

The game itself was as even as the scoreline suggests. In my biased view I reckon we were the better team and we certainly created a couple of early chances but there wasn't much between us to be fair. Stafford won't survive in The Conference but I expected them to have a bit more quality. I mentioned in last report against Hyde that I managed to miss both of Tamworth's goals, well the run continued. No sooner had I nipped to recycle some of the day's beer than up went the cheer. Nick Wright had scored. I don't see many Tamworth goals. I dared to go again a while later and yes, there was another cheer, this time it was the Stafford equaliser. In a way I was almost glad, if Tamworth had been the scorers I may have had to spend the rest of my supporting days stood in the toilet just so we would keep winning.

A moment of madness a shortly afterwards nearly cost us the game. Evans seemed to get caught by Jarrett and he retaliated. You just cannot raise your hands when the referee is only a yard away and although Jarrett definitely made the most of it (and being a Tamworth lad himself he got some very wrong but very funny stick from us for the rest of the half!) but Evans had to walk. That was in about the 36th minute and then on the stroke of half time Jarret, inevitably, put Stafford into the lead with a well placed shot from a floated cross.

That could have been game over, but the New Tamworth are made of sterner stuff. The heads did not drop and the ten men battled superbly. Nick Wright missed an absolute sitter from about two yards out after doing all the hard work in rounding the keeper and it was no surprise then that our new found wonder-striker Dave Bamtinho equalised with a well placed low shot. He just can't stop scoring at the moment! There were just a couple more chances for each side but no further scoring. A draw was about right and I really fancy us to complete the job tonight. I'm working but I'll live blog something if I get time.

A word on the Stafford stewarding. Pitiful. They allowed the idiots on both sides of the inadequate barrier to taunt each other throughout the game, if your going to segregate us then do it properly. In fact it would be better not to bother because none of the brave little souls would have the bottle to do anything if their weren't any barriers to stop them getting a slap or two. At one point a Stafford "fan" picked up a bin and made to throw it at the Tamworth fans, the fact that he hilariously then dropped it on his own head doesn't mean he shouldn't have been kicked out. We got locked in afterwards too - again! Why? It's not like there were hundreds of Stafford fans waiting to get us and we just wanted to get back to the pub, it was cold.

I had another pint in the Tap and then wandered back to the station, but the Tamworth ~~Train~~ Taxi Crew excelled themselves once again by missing the last train back to Brum and having to get a taxi back to tamworth. Workington is the next away game lads, that could be a bit expensive!

Attendance: 1025

Price: £12 adults £8 kids

Programme: £2.50

Food: I didn't bother but Cameron was impressed by the chips and curry sauce.

Beer: Slurp.

Nowhere To Run To Baby, Nowhere To Hyde - Tamworth 2 Hyde United 1 - Blue Square North - 29/01/08

2008-01-29T10:29:00.000Z

Right, first things first, as you may have noticed I once again forgot to take any pictures of the game whatsoever, therefore this report will be accompanied by a selection of random images

mostly pulled from Photobucket. I would worry about copyright but the chances of anyone whose photo I have used actually reading this is surely slim to the point of non-existence. (Cue someone contacting me to sue my ass tomorrow!).

Well, things have moved on in the sunshine bubble filled World of Tamworth FC, the last time I went we were awful, the defeat against Solihull Poors was obviously a nadir in the season and since then we've won three in a row. This has even prompted the odd chorus of "Gary Mills' Barmy Army" from the more fickle amongst our support! Each to their own but I'm afraid the jury is still out for me at the moment.

Hyde United arrived at The Lamb on theback of a fairly poor run themselves which has seen them slip from possible automatic promotion candidates back into the pack chasing the play-off places, and with the new found optimism gained from beating Blyth(e) Spartans twice I actually fancied us to win this. The squad has been bolstered with a couple of judicious loan signings from Wrexham plus the excellent Marrison from Hinckley who was their top scorer so I have no idea why they allowed him to move to fellow relegation candidates, but hey, our gain.

Pre-match refreshments were once again taken at The White Lion where we saw Middlesborough overcome a stubborn mansfield in the Cup and I sampled an excellent Hobgoblin and a Beowulf Chiller which was decent but a bit too hoppy for my liking. No sausage rolls this time though.

In an attempt to boost the attendance the Tamworth Herald had printed vouchers for half-price adult and free child admission so I was expecting a decent crowd, as it was the attendance was only 400 or so more than the average for this season so it seems that it was mostly the regulars who took advantage of the offer, still, if only 5% of those who came for the first time decide to come again it will have been worth it, and all such attempts to boost the attendance from the vast majority of Tamworthians who just don't care about their local club are to be applauded.

What I won't applaud though is the decision to hand out free (sponsored!) rattles! My God they were annoying. I thought nothing could be more annoying at a football match than music played after goals or drums but I was badly wrong, the sound of five hundred kids with rattles will haunt me forever.

Something else I warmly applaud....cheap beer! The clubhouse was doing pints for £1.50, can't grumble, how about bringing back real glasses though?

From kick-off it was obvious that this was a vastly different Tamworth than the bunch of arses that turned up against Solihull. All season we have looked so much better than most teams in this division when we have played it on the deck, on Saturday we did this throughout the game and consequently controlled the match almost completely. We were creating chances and the addition of Foster in the midfield has had the seemingly impossible effect of making even Dave Bampton looked quite good! Of course I completely missed our opener, I don't even know how, I only took my eye off the pitch for a few seconds and everyone cheered. Scored by Jamie Reed from a Bampton flick-on apparently. Wouldn't mind keeping Reed for a few more weeks after his loan from Wrexham ends, I once said hello to Brian Little in a restaurant in Knowle, I'm sure he'll remember me if I give him a ring to ask him.

Got chatting to 'H' in the clubhouse at half-time and so, inevitably, missed our second goal as well. Heard the cheer and then heard the announcement, Marrison scored it, well taken by all accounts. So it was a happy and singing Shed that I went back to. Hyde tried to get back into the game after this but really didn't look like scoring. It took a penalty to pull them back into it, looked fair enough from where I was stood and the Tamuff players only really complained for the sake of it.

Marrison then nearly restored the two goal lead with a sublime bit of skill, flicking the ball over a defender and looping a shot over the goalkeeper only to see it bounce off the crossbar. If that had been Ronaldo there wouldn't have been a dry seat in the MOTD studio!

There was a scare towards the end when Hyde put the ball into the net after a superb flowing move, but the offside flag was up: "You thought you had scored, you were wrong, you were wrong" and Tamuff had their three points. Ten clear of relegation now and ten more away from the magic 40, it's far too early to be talking of revivals and play-offs but I tell you what, we can go to Stafford on Saturday for the Trophy tie full of confidence. A trip to Wembley? You never know.

Attendance: 1189

Beer: A bargain at £1.50 for a rather nice Black Sheep Bitter

Rattles - A complete pain in the arse.

Live From Blyth(e) - Well Not Really But It's A Nice Rhyme!

2008-01-12T14:03:00.000Z

Yeehaa! Stuck at work so it's another episode of Live Blogging for me.
All 3pm kick-off's today, Tamworth travel to Blyth(e) Spartans (the superfluous 'e' really annoys them apparently) in the FA Trophy hoping to put a pathetic run of form behind them, a few new signings might help and we have some. One was enforced as keeper Palethorpe was recalled by Chester (ungrateful buggers!) so young Polish keeper Alex Cisak arrives on loan from Leicester. Mills has four players cup-tied, that's what you get when you completely change the team three times in a season, teach you right for not picking proper players the first time.

Meanwhile Aston Villa are at home to Reading with NO new signings, O'Neill only buys players on the last day of transfer windows. Ross County's match away at Cove Rangers in the Scottish Cup has been postponed, I know all about frozen pitches in The Highlands!

As per usual, blogging will be done with the help of the Sky Sports vidiprinter, the ever excellent non-league vidiprinter, the Tamworth Fans Forum and the match thread on Heroes and Villains. I may also take a peek at the Blythe(e) forum now and again.

14:22 - Won't be using the Blyth(e) forum because as Marrah points out on the Tamuff forum, it's not been updated since November!

14:33 - Well! I'm deeply hurt. Perusing another part of Blyth(e)'s forum a poster wants to know why Tamworth have an upside pretzel on their badge! I have a good mind to put him right with some choice words14:36 - My Ipswich side are four points clear in The Championship on Football Manager by the way.

14:42 - From Jase J on the Tamuff forum:
"You don't need score updates - just 'think positive' and blog whatever score pops out of your sunshine bubble. If we all do this, we'll win by a mile."

Hmmm....right...'pop', yep Blyth(e) 0 Tamworth 5, that'll do!

14:57 - Must have been an early kick off for Halesown who are 1-0 up at Half-time at home to Hitchin. Going well are The Yeltz at the moment.

15:00 - Llanelli 1 Llangefni 0. My keyboard is covered with phleghm now.

15:03 - Moustapha Salifou on the bench for Villa, Mellberg 'ill'. Funny how he's ill just when he might be off to Juventus eh?

15:05 - We have a goal! Stockport 1-0 Accrington.

15:07 - Falkirk 0-1 Aberdeen in t'cup. It's a quiet start all round.

15:09 - Didn't take Falkirk long to equalise. Carshalton 1-0 Staines.

15:12 - Just noticed Fulahm have taken the lead at Wet Spam. Nuneaton are 1-0 up against Wusster.

15:15 - Someone has just phoned me up to give me a bizarre tale about the Falls Road, dunno why! Leicester beating Coventry.

15:19. Aberdeen have taken the lead again. Charlton 2-1 Blackpool. Ipswich 1 Stoke 0.

15:22 - Chelsea have taken the lead over Spuds and Linlithgow are losing at Queen of the South. It's really boring at the moment!

15:26 - Karma! Villa 1-0 Reading (Carew) and Arse 1-0 Blues almost simultaneously, good stuff.
Still no news from Tamuff but it's bloody difficult getting Trophy scores from anywhere.

15:29 - Hitchin have equalised at Halesowen. I should be able to grab some Trophy scores at HT.
Middlesborough are beating Liverplop, I still reckon they could finish out of the top four this season, but who will replace them?

15:33 - Sutton United 0-1 Bath. I think if they reorganise the Blue Square next season (and with northern sides clogging up the bottom on the Conference it's possible), I'd like Tamworth to move south, I used to love our trips to Bath.

15:36 - Salisbury 1-0 Oxford Utd. I wish my phone would stop ringing, it's not like any of the calls are omportant. Everton 1-0 Man City.

15:40 - I've just beaten Birmingham City 2-1 on Football manager, Chris Canavan with a late winner.
Meanwhile in the real world, Alloa are beating Berwick.

15:44 - Celtic 1-0 Stirling.
Hopefully the Trophy HT's will appear on Sky Sports.

15:46 - Mick Hucknall is 2-0 down against Klattering. Salisbury now 2-0 up against Oxford.

15:49 - The only Trophy score I can see is Dorchester 0-1 Ebbsfleet. Oh, and Newport 1-1 Torquay.

15:52 - Tamuff confirmed as 0-0 at HT against Blyth(e).

15:56 - Halesowen won 2-1, last minute winner.
In the BSN relegation battle Hinckley are 1-0 up against Burscough.

16:00 - Some bloke called Canham has scored an hat-trick for Team Bath. Hmm, wonder what course he's on? Stuffed4-0 Rangers are beating Forrest Gump in the Trophy and The Marmite Miners are 3-0 up at Vauxhall Motors.

16:08 - Mansfield get us under way in the 2nd half by taking the lead at Chester. Ha! Serves you right for taking Palethorpe back.

16:13 - Just got kicked out of me blog! Wolves 0-2 Crystal Palace, Wolves are on an abysmal run, tumours of Fat Sam Allardyce taking over though.
Birmingham have equalised at Arsenal - what?!
Hearts 2-0 Motherwell, nice gesture from Motherwell to rename their stand after Phil McDonnell.

16:18 - Villa 2-0 Reading, that goal-machine Martin Laursen gets it.

16:28 - Toilet break, sorry. And then I got distracted by a rather lovely lady I *ahem* came across on StumbleUpon.
Not much has happened anyway.

16:29 - Wolves 0-3 Palace, oh dear, what a shame!
Sutton 0-4 Bath, Sutton arfe doomed I fear.
Spammers have taken the lead against Fulham.

16:32 - Equaliser for Liverplop against the Smoggies. Stalyvegas have scored two in 2 minutes to take the lead against Harrogate.

16:36 - Blimey, someone on the Spartensnet forum reckons Tamuff are 1-0 up. "Wembley, Wembley........"

16:38 - A couple of ex-Villans have scored, 'Big' Dion Dublin puts Norwich 3-1 up at Barnsley and 'Little' Lee Hendrie has scored for Sheffield.

16:41 - Bugger, Solihull have taken the lead against Telford, we may be progressing in Thge Trophy but a couple of the teams below us in the league are taking advantage. It'll be fine though, I'll get my sunshine bubbles out in a bit.

16:42 - Chelsea 2-o Spuds
Derby 0-1 Wiggun. Bad news for Fulham this one, should never have sacked Coleman in my opinion.

16:49 - Leigh RMI 0-1 Redditch. I'm just waiting fot the FT's now to be honest.

16:50 - Carew makes it 3-0 to Villa. As easy as you like!

16:54 - Reading have a consolation goal but all too late.

16:56 - Confirmed 1-0 win for Tamuff, Dave Bampton with the goal, and much kudos for Dave Clayton who must have had the report on the Official Site within a minute of the final whistle, good work fella!

17:00 - That'll do for today, a much better day than last time I did this. Villa are now lwvwl on points with Liverpool!
Tamworth should take a lot of heart from their win and now push on in the league, the season is probably a wash-out in terms of play-offs but some good results and a bit of decent football will win the fans back.

Tarrah a bit.

So, So Poor Against The Poors - Tamworth 0 Solihull Moors 2 - Blue Square North - 05/01/08

2008-01-08T15:00:00.000Z

Oh dear, oh dear oh dear oh dear.

So where do Tamworth go from here?

This season hasn't exactly been a feast of football by any stretch of the imagination, but this was a new low. I counted one, yes that's just ONE shot on goal by a Tamworth player in ninety minutes of the most sporific, mind-numbingly tedious pile of malodorous six-month old, filled Pampers I have ever had the misfortune to witness in 28 years of watching my club, and that shot was curled in a beautiful arc towards the corner flag!

In fact I have almost certainly seen worse Tamworth performances by worse Tamworth teams but they would have been way back in the early 80's when a club crippled by debt was playing in front of crowds less than 100 and the players were literally whoever they could find to pull on a shirt. But at least those players tried their best, they could look us in the eye afterwards and say that they put in the effort.
This lot? They ain't fit to scrape the mud off their boots. They play like a bunch of strangers, they don't seem to be motivated in the slightest, it's plainly obvious that they have lost all confidence in manager Gary Mills, and not one of the bottlers had the cojones to come into the clubhouse afterwards to face us. Cheers lads, hope your totally unearned wages made up for having to bother getting out of your beds to stroll around the pitch for ninety minutes. I thought of you on my night shift on Sunday.

My day started off okay actually, young Scott had agreed to endure another day at The Lamb, the beer in The White Lion was pretty good as usual, and sausage rolls were only 89p for six in the Co-op!
There was even a certain air of optimism in the clubhouse before hand, yes we had managed only one point out of 9 over the Christmas period but those games were against promotion candidates (I'm sure I can remember us being talked about as one of them once upon a time) and Solihull Poors had only managed one win in fifteen! We'd beat these and stay nicely mid-table, not great but out of danger.
Oh really! From kick-off we looked clueless, too much hoofball from the back up towards forwards who couldn't control it. This was a dreadful game of "football". I really can't remember anything that happened, which turned out to be a blessing compared to the horror show that was the second half!

Some fans were actually rendered speechless by the utter crapness of it all, several fans decided not to even bother leaving the warmth of the clubhouse for the second half, if I had known what I do now I'd have joined them.

Yes, it got worse, even now in the sober reflection of three days after the event I have no idea how that could happen but it did. I suppose it was because Solihull finally realised that they were playing a team that didn't actually give a damn if they won or lost and so decided to beat them. They were aided in this by some comedy defending, I'm not sure exactly how Solhull's first goal went in, the ball bobbled about a bit with various players taking swipes at it and then the linesman signalled a goal.
Cue a shocked Tamworth team going all out to achieve a come back? Nope! They got even worse, allowing Solihull to win every 50-50 and generally giving up altogether. A second goal wasn't far away and so it proved.
By now The Shed had slipped into the defence mechanism of just taking the piss, Mills inevitably got plenty of totally deserved stick but we also cheered all Solihull substitutions, and managed a burst of "One Richie Follett", the only chant heard all game really.

So, the question at the top of this report, where do we go from here?

I don't know, but something has to change, and quick. The fans feel isolated, the club have retreated into a shell emerging only to release insipid comments on the Official Site about how we must all stick together and back the manager. The FA Cup money has apparently run out and we are only even par at the bank now, which is very worrying seeing that attendances are plummetting and the wage bill stays the same, I don't think we are in any way a crisis club just yet but there's some serious thinking to be done at boardroom level if we wish to stay that way.

Oh, and someone on the forum thinks I swear too much, I have only one thing to say to that - bollocks.

Attendance - 686
Admission £10 / £6
Crowd - Very pissed off.
Photos - They don't deserve the colour they would have added to this report.

Thank Goodness For The Clach - Inverness Clachnacuddin 1 Forres Mechanics 0 - Scot-Ads Highland Football League - 29/12/07

2008-01-08T13:23:00.000Z

My mini Highland break was supposed to provide me with the chance to see three games during the week, unfortunately global warming does not yet seem to have affected this part of the World! Travelling up on the Friday night I had a sense of what was to come as we wnt through patches of freezing fog in The Borders, saw the temperature plummeting to -9 degreec Celcius around Glasgow and the whole of Inverness a glorious white colour as we drove to our destination. Needless to say all games on the saturday were postponed due to frozen pitches and I had to go to the pub instead.
Still, an afternoon in The Clachnharry Inn is never too much of a hardship! As I sipped my pint of Isle of Skye Red Cuillin I wondered how cold it would have been on the terraces of Elgin City or Nairn County.

My midweek fixture was going to be at Ross county, and the day before it looked good, the pitch was playable if a little soft after a bit of a thaw. Then the temperature dropped once again, the game was called off overnight (the opponents were Stranraer, that's a hell of a journey for a last minute postponement) and I was stuck again. Johhny Foxes and The Castle Tavern provided some comfort though.

I was determined to see one game before I went home and the secretary of Clachnacuddin was contacted three times before he finally convinced me that their match with Forres was definitely on! So me and Cameron took a stroll along the banks of the River Ness to The Lilywhite's ground in the rather less than salubrious Merkinch area of the city.

Grant Street Park is not a ground to go to if the thought of a Highland League game conjures up images of distant snow-capped mountains and majestic lochs! It is set back just behind a railway bridge surrounded by houses and a whitewashed, razor wire topped wall. Inside isn't so bad, there's a tidy seated stand down one side and a large, if rather leaky, terraced stand at the far end. The other side to the seats has a typical Highland League grass bank and the rather ugly, shed-like clubhouse, changing rooms and snack-bar complete the ground. The clubhouse was a warm haven from the cold wind and sleet that greeted our stroll to the ground but the choice of beverages wasn't great unless you like lager!

'Clachnacuddin' literally translates from the Gaelic as 'The place of the washing stones', I wouldn't fancy washing my clothes on a stone in the Moray Firth in this weather!

Both teams were mired in mid-table before this game and to be honest it was a mid-table sort of match. Clach were the better side for most of the first half, carving out several chances that their forwards contrived to miss in a variety of ways. Clach got the basics right, get the ball down (essential in the swirling wind) get it to the wings, get the crosses in and get an attempt in on goal, the bit that was missing was the 'get it on target' bit!

HT and a very nice scotch pie and a warming black coffee, no return to the clubhouse, I don't drink lager.

Second half, muc of the same, Clach continued to press, Forres huffed and puffed with little end product and my first 0-0 of the season was looking increasingly likely. Then a speculative low cross came in from the Clach right, a Forres defender got an unneccesary touch to it and the ball rolled slowly on off the far post for the winner. This finally woke up a fairly soporific crowd and we actually had a chant in support of the home club rather than a barrage of abuse aimed at Forres.

Rushed home to find out that Tamworth had lost again, this time to Klattering and then hit the whiskey in a bid to warm up.

Attendance: 180 (Heid count!)
Admission £6, Cameron free.
No programme but teamsheet available on request.

Slumming It at the Yawnthorns! - West Bromwich Albion 4 Charlton Athletic 2 - Coca Cola Championship - 15/12/07

2007-12-17T15:33:00.000Z

I'll be straight with you from the start, I don't like West Brom much. Okay so I was born in West Bromwich and I now live in West Bromwich but my formative years were spent in Tamworth following not just the local side from The Lamb but also Aston Villa, so that's one reason I'm not keen on The Stripeyfilth. The other reason is that my Dad is a Baggies fan and I decided on The Villa as a great way to annoy him when I was a snotty little kid!

The reason I went to this match was because my son attends one of those lovely new Inner-city Academies that this Government like so much, this one (Sandwell Academy) was even opened by Tony Blair. West Bromwich Albion are one of the major sponsors of the school and even allow the pupils to use their indoor training hall, and The Hawthorns is directly opposite the school as well. I was sort of hoping that this agreement would throw up some cheap tickets and so it did, and at just £10 per adult ond £2 for kids it was a bargain I wasn't going to pass up.

The game was picked for Sky's saturday dinnertime match so it was still a fairly early start for me and Cameron even though we only had to jump onto a 79 bus, we know how bad the traffic gets on matchdays and I was determined to fit in a pint and a balti pie before kick-off. Walking up to the ground it looked like a decent turn-out considering the fact that it was on telly and so near to Christmas, I was also gutted that I didn't manage to secure a free pair of 'texting gloves' (or should that be 'txtng glvs'?) being given away by T-Mobile.

Fortified by the pie we took our seats in the Halfords Lane Stand, one thing I noticed was that since my last visit a few years back the more vocal West Brom fans seem to have relocated themselves from the Birmingham Road end to the back of the Smethwick End, probably so they can stand next to the away fans for the, *ahem* banter!
West Brom have a player called Pele in their side too, no relation!
The Baggies started off at whirlwind pace, they play decent football as far as I can tell and created several chances in the opening half hour, but failed to take any of them and so, inevitably, from a very rare Charlton attack they fell behind Hodgkiss was skinned on the left wing and the cross found Iwelumo unmarked.
In a bid to prove that me going to the toilet means someone scores, I went to the toilet and Albion scored! Roman Bednar got it and it was only later on the news that I saw what a lovely worked goal it was involving a delightful 1-2 with the impressive Zoltan Gera. It was no more than Albion deserved.

For some reason the announcer at half-time kept reminding us that The Hawthorns is the highest ground in England, and that it was cold today, I reckon he was just rubbing in the fact that I didn't get a pair of txtng glvs!
Albion were, if anything, even better after the break, they like to get the ball out wide and whip crosses in, it's a simple, almost old-fashioned way to play the game but when it's executed well it's good to watch, and when you have a player as good in the air as Gera you'll get goals. In the 50th minute Brunt crossed, Gera rose, 2-1, simple. A couple of minutes later and the same again only this time Weaver just managed to claw the ball away to safety, it was all West Brom now and surely a home win?
Well you'd have thought so but West Brom fell asleep after conceding a free kick near the halfway line and Izale McLeod's shot squirmed under Luke Stele for the equaliser. Tough on West Brom but they didn't drop their heads and once again Brunt crossed superbly from the left, Gera rose highest and West Brom had the lead, 3-2.
There was just time for a cameo from the very popular Kevin Phillips. Returning from injury he came on as a late sub and promptly turned he ball home from close range to seal the win. All in all an excellent game of football. West Brom should go up with this side, but to stay up they will need to have a better keeper than Luke Steele, improve a sometimes shaky defence and above all, keep hold of Zoltan Gera whose contract is up in the summer I believe.

One decent game will not convert me into a West Brom fan but I'll be back if they keep fiving me them cheap tickets!

Price: A bargain tenner for me and £2 for Cameron.
Attendance: 20,364
Balti Pie: Could have been warmer but tasty none the less.

Live Blogging Is Back!

2007-12-08T10:45:00.000Z

Yes, I'm at work on another Saturday so I'm going to do another bit of live blogging from 3pm.
Ince again I'll be using the Score Centre at SkySports.Com and the excellent new(ish) Non-league vidiprinter to check up on all the scores from the games that matter.
First up though is Aston Villa V Portsmouth, a fairly crucial game in the battle for a UEFA Cup spot, KO 12:45.

12:40 - No goals yet in the really early KO's at Leeds, Plymouth and Preston. What did happen to Saturday 3pm?

12:42 Leeds 1-0 Huddersfield. I don't like Leeds but you have to admire what they've done so far this season.

12:56 Plymouth take the lead at home to the City of Bristols.

13:00 Bugger and blast, Portsmouth are ahead at Villa Park, either Benjani or an OG by Gardener.

13:02 - Given as an OG. What's that about there being no curse on the Manager of the Month award?

13:20 - I'm going to warm my soup up, Villa might have scored by the time I get back.

13:33 - Well Villa didn't score but Poertsmouth did! 0-2, not good.

13:51 - Dirty Leeds are now 3-0 up against 'Uddersfield, they are now just 2 points off the top, not bad after starting 15 points behind everybody else. If only it wasn't Dennis Wise.

14:10 - It's looking like a bit of a hammering now, 3-0 to Pompey, Muntari again.
Leeds 4-0 up, Brizzle City have equalised at Plymouth and Blackpool are 1-0 up at a seriously struggling Preston.

14:23 - Ooh! Villa have nicked one back from a Barry penalty, fifteen minutes to go, could there be a fightback?

14:42 - Nope, all over. Poor result that for Villa and it highlights the need to strengthen the squad in January if at all possible.

14:55 - West Brom have scored at Leicester.

14:59 - Don't normally take much notice of the Welsh Premier League but Carmarthen are 6-0 up against Connah's Quay after just 24 minutes!

15:04 - First goal of the 3pm's comes at Southend where Swindon take the lead, and Elgin City score against Arbroath, I'm going there in two weeks time.

15:06 - The NL Vidiprinter churns out it's first score, Bath 1-0 Maidenhead.

15:07 - Two goals in the opening four minutes at Satanage where it's 1-1 with Salisbury.

15:08 - This is starting to turn out to be a reall bad day. Mick Hucknall 1 Tamworth 0.

15:11 - Solihull Poors 1-0 Wusster. Solihull are on an awful run.

15:12 - It goes from bad to worse, Birmingham City are winning. 1-0 at Noocassul.
Aldershot 1-1 Stuffed4-0 Rangers,

15:15 - Halesowen are buying loads of players, hope they know what they're doing. They are 1-0 up at home to Mangotsfield though.

15:17 - The game between StalyVegas and Burscough has just been abandoned, that's surely worse than a postponement when it happens less than 20 minutes into a game.

15-19 - Oh for fu.......crying out loud. Mick Hucknall 2-0 Tamworth. Come on rain, do your stuff!

15:23 - Wusster have equalised at Solihull Poors and Aldershot are now 2-1 up against Stuffed Rangers.
My adopted Scottish team Ross County are 2-0 down at Alloa, it's a bad day all right!

15:26 - It's all gone quiet. We're discussing Fulchester FC on the Tamworth forum, they had Mick Hucknall up front.

15:30 - The game at Matlock has now been abandoned as well, I am raindancing as we speak and mentally projecting the image to Nottinghamshire.

15:32 - Dearie me, Tamworth now 3-0 down to the ginger headed freak.
Repeat after me Cooper - "I will not be negative on the TFC forum, I will NOT be negative on the TFC forum"

15:35 - Stafford have qualised at Aldershot, 2-2. I've not heard anything about their impending liquadation, maybe they're okay after all?

15:37 - I can't spell liquidation!
Solihull 2-1 Wusster

15:40 Corby 1-0 Yate (the sort of town that referee's come from according to Half Man Half Biscuit.
The Marmite Miners are 1-0 down to Forrest gump, that man Fleetwood scoring again.

15:43 - Chorlton and the Wheelies 3-o Ipswich. Chorlton seem to have turned their season around. I'm going to see them next week against West Brom, cheap tickets from my son's school!

15:45 - Man Utd 1-0 Derby.
Kings Lynn 1-0 Clevedon, it looked at one time like KL were going to walk the BGB Premier but Team Taxpayer are top at the moment.
Alderhot back in the lead against Stuffed, 3-2.

15:48 - HT, can't see Tamuff winning somehow!
Elsewhere, in the Premier League Man Utd and Chelski are winning and Noocasul have equalised against Brum.
The game at Sheffield Wednesday is another abandonment, that's not far from Hucknall (gets prayer mat out).

16:04 - After scoring six in the opening 24 minutes it has taken Carmarthen another 52 minutes to score their seventh, 7-0 against Connah's Quay.

16:06 - First goal of the second half is Wussters second equaliser at Solihull.
Hastings 1-0 Heybridge. I used to like going to Hastings when we were both in the Southern League, I wonder what happened to that other club right next to them....St. Leonards I think they were?

16:09 - The floodgates are open again, Carmarthen 8-0 Connah's Quay. York are 2-0 up at Websfleet, the 30,000 wannabe Football Managers won't be happy with that, bet they vote to sack Liam Daish this week!

16:11 - West Brom have won at Leicester. Two franchise clubs, MK Dons and Livingston are both winning.

16:16 - Just noticed that one Thomas Hitzlesperger has scored for Stuttgart, the German Brummie!

16:17 - No sign of the great Tamworth fightback yet. East stirling 4-3 Albion, didn't East Stirling used to be rubbish?

16:22 Man Utd 3-0 Derby, dowwn by February!
Everton 2-0 Fulham

16:24 - How many w's in down?
Ross County 3-0 down now, none of "my" teams are winning at all, great this!

16:29 - Stafford have equalised for a third time at Aldershot, that old stager Jimmy Floyd Hasselbaink has put Cardiff 3-1 up against Colchester and Satanage are ahead by the same scoreline against Salisbury. Nowt much happening on the NL Vidiprinter so it's either broken or no one can score in the second half.

16:32 - East stirling 4-5 Albion, they ARE rubbish, they were just kidding earlier. Virgo has added a fourth for Cardiff, not John Virgo though I assume.

16:35 - Stockport 6 -0 Wycombe, one more and they get the score written in words in brackets on the BBC!

16:37 - Interesting one from Scotland, Celtic 0-1 St Mirren. Derby have got a consolation against man Utd.

16:39 - A hell of a game at The Rec, Aldershot 4-3 Stafford.
Still not convinced the NL vidiprinter is working properly, surely someone is scoring a goal or two?

16:41 - Ah! As I type up pop some scores, nothing very interesting though, North Ferriby 1-0 Buxton anybody?

16:42 - Blyth Spirit 1 Nuneaton 0, at last some good news, Nuneaton are nearly as bad as us! Got to take some comfort from a rubbish day of football.

16:45 - Wusster look to have snatched a late winner at The Poors, 3-2.
I assume that no news is bad news at Mick Hucknall.

16:49 - Joy of joys we've pulled one back, it's a bit late now though!
Celtic spare their blushes with an equaliser against St Mirren.
Full times coming in now.

16:51 - Late winner for The Geordies against Birmingham! 2-1.
3-1 is the story of day as far as I'm concerned, Tamworth, Villa and Ross County all losing by that scoreline.
Bah! I think I'll become a Darlaston fan.
I'm going now, have fun.

Crap Badges Of Our Time - Number Two - Eastbourne Borough

2007-12-04T13:37:00.000Z

What do you reckon it is then?

A sandcastle?

A lovely Tommy Cooper fez sitting atop a bald head? (How were Eastbourne Borough formed? Just like that!)

Well you're wrong, I've looked it up FootballCrests.com and it's actually a Martello Tower, one of a large number of coastline fortifications along the South Coast, dating from the Napoleonic Wars in the early 19th Century. So now you know.

The black smudge across it near the top is supposed to be a cloud scudding across it believe it or not!

It's rubbish though isn't it? But incredibly easy to draw kiddies, remember that if you are ever asked to draw a football badge in your art class.

Nice and Leighsy Does It Every Time - Tamworth 2 Leigh Railway Mechanics Institute 0 - Blue Square Premier - 01/12/07

2007-12-01T21:29:00.000Z

Some games are great, some games are terrible and then again some games can just simply be categorised under the label "meh".

Don't get me wrong, it's not that I didn't enjoy todays match, the day out was excellent, it's just that the football was totally and utterly "meh"!

"Meh" is a wonderful word, it describes anything that is just so ordinary and run of the mill that it defies anyone attempting to write it down in words that are meaningful and interesting.

Tamworth won 2-0, there you go, that's my report.

Oh all right then, I'll pad it out with some superfluous details, we played Leigh RMI. RMI, as you all know, stands for Renaissance Motherf*cker Inuits, they were formed in 1892 by a gang of native Greenlanders who moved to Manchester in search of Italian culture and rampant hedonism, they found neither but did discover Boddingtons and football.

The packed away end.

Leigh don't have much of an away following, but i have so much respect for the small band that turned up at The Lamb, I don't know if they still have the same chairman as they did when we were both in The Conference, but I remember a game that was rained off very close to kick-off and he personally went round to every travelling fan he could find and reimbursed their travelling costs out of his own pocket, what a bloke.

The author enjoys a beer.

Right, onfto the game.
It was rubbish! The highlight of the first half hour was a bit of a punch up between Dave Bampton and ex-Stuffed4-0 Rangers winger Robin Gibson, Bampton got a yellow for a late tackle, Gibson got nothing for attempted GBH afterwards.
Tamworth were doing their bit for Age Concern by playing new signing David Oldfield, he must be fifty by now surely, he certainly played like he was about to draw his pension.
And then, just as we were contemplating popping some Pro-Plus Tamworth scored, In a rare outbreak of football Tamuff broke away following a Leigh corner, three passes later and Nick Wright was clear on goal and he finished with aplomb. (Apart from on commentaries where else on Earth can you hear the word 'aplomb' being used?)

I love sausage rolls, put another one in the oven baby.

Nothing much happened after that, I had a pint at half-time and failed once again to win the 50-50 and the game settled back into its soporific self.
And then, lo and behold, another outbreak of football, another sweeping move saw the ball end up on the right wing with Nick Wright, his cross was perfect and Gareth Sheldon volleyed home superbly from the edge of the box. Two excellent goals but they were oasis(es?) in a desert of blandness to be honest. Still, we won and following on from the Trophy win up at Stalybridge this could be the springboard for an assault on the play-offs which, to be fair, is the minimum us fans expected from this season.

For once I couldn't argue with the man of the match choices from the sponsors, Nick Wright scored one and set one up and Sheldon worked hard in midfield and took his goal superbly. I'll add Jonti Richter to the mix as well, he looks a handful when he gets the ball at his feet.

Watched the Villa - Arsenal match in The White Lion afterwards, Villa may have lost 2-1 but they didn't deserve to, Martin O'Neill has put a great team together at Villa Park, note "team" because they really are greater than the sum of their parts in my opinion.

Attendance - 809 (Not bad considering Xmas shopping and negligible away support)
Price - £10 & £5
Pizza - Extra cheese and a spicy beef and pepperoni.

Tinpot Are on the Way to Wembley - Tipton Town 2 Market Drayton 0 - FA Carlsberg Vase 2nd Round - 17/11/07

2007-11-18T10:15:00.000Z

My options were plentiful as I set off from work in Solihull, I had plenty of time to get to a plethora of games. I thought about going to Bewdley Town but that might have been cutting it a bit close but there was still Dudley Sports, Lye Town, Bilston who are still playing at picturesque Bantock Park and the one I was really trying for, Oldbury United who are currently ensconced at Pelsall. Oldbury were playing Dunkirk in the Vase and it was Blog pun heaven (Dunkirk spirit and all that!).
Then I reached the outskirts of Birmingham and ground to a halt, Christmas shopping has obviously started then! It took me another hour to do seven miles and I was left with just one possibility, a quick jaunt the couple of miles to Tipton Sports Academy and their FA Vase tie against Market Drayton. Cameron and I made it for kick off though and even managed to grab tea (60p) and bacon butties (£1.60) before taking our seats.

On paper this would probably go down as an away win, Market Drayton are sitting just below the leaders in The Midland Alliance with a couple of games in hand and Tipton have been struggling for goals recently and sit lower mid-table in the same division, although I note from the programme (£1 I think) that they had scored four goals in each of their last two games. Mind you four of those were against the rather less than good Brereton Social, currently propping up the Midland Combination Premier Division.

Quick confession. I forgot to charge up the batteries in my camera! So no pictures again. I am so good at this! To that end I have pinched a couple of pictures of the Tipton badge and team from their website.
Hope you don't mind and they will, of course, be removed on request. I think the webmaster posts on Tony Kempster's forum so I'll go and confess on there in a bit!

Anyway, to the game, in between jumping up and down and kicking a football around with Cameron I did watch some of it, and Tipton started excellently, a couple of times they threatened to unlock the Drayton defence and finally did so after about twenty minutes, Calum Martin latching onto an excellent through ball to slot home confidently. Four minutes later they scored again, Danny Bragoli showing that he's lethal from a yard out after the ball had hit the post and rolled along the goalmouth.

For the rest of the half, indeed for the rest of the game, Market Drayton vainly tried to get back into it, but a combination of stout defending, good goalkeeping (even if he does tend to punch rather than catch a bit too often) and woeful finishing meant that Tipton progress to the third round. Dreams of Wembley perhaps? Well maybe not, there's another four rounds and plenty of good teams out there yet but you never know do you?
Tipton, famous for Stayvie Bull and scratchings but maybe one day for a football team as well?

Hmmm...scratchings, although some might say you'd be better off eating the pencil.

Attendance - 88
Price - £5 Adults £2.50 Kids
Programme - 28 pages £1
Temperature - Cold, very, very cold.
Tamworth watch - Lost 3-2 at Harrogate, only three points above the relegation zone, a win needed very soon.

Ever Wish You Hadn't Bothered? - Tamworth 1 Nuneaton Borough 2 - Blue Square North - 10/11/07

2007-11-11T22:50:00.000Z

This weekend saw three notable local derbies, Newcastle and Sunderland fought out a gripping 1-1 draw at The Stadium of Light, Villa edged out Birmingham City 2-1 in a typically passionate Second City derby with help from Agent Ridgewell (ex-Villa defender now playing for Blues and scorer of an own goal to put Villa one up), and then there was this turgid heap of rubbish which had all the passion of watching your Grandmother trying to snog your Grandad after one too many sherries at Christmas. (I'm not sure this simile works - Ed)

I'm having serious doubts that Gary "I know this league" Mills is the man to take Tamworth forward, the team still lacks cohesion three months into the season and we certainly lacked any fight and commitment to the cause in this match. A recent unbeaten run in the league was a bit misleading as most of these were draws, a couple of them admirably snatched from the jaws of victory! Still, we continue to turn up, but a crowd of only 1300 for the first competitive game against the Scummers for a few seasons with over 400 of those coming from Banjo Town should be ringing alarm bells, the people of Tamworth need little encouragement to find other things to do on a Saturday as it is without serving up this tripe when they do bother to turn up.

I didn't even have the luxury of being able to sink a few pre-match anasthetics, I was driving once again due to work commitments, I need a new job. Those that do enjoy a pre-match beer and fag have at last been given a smoking shelter outside the clubhouse, the club shop has had to make way but it has been temporarily replaced by a lovely bright yellow gazebo! Smashing.

A not so Evil Gazebo!

The Shed Choir were really up for this game, it often takes a while for the full repertoire of songs to come out but they were being aired before kick-off, unfortunately this passion and belief was not transmitted to the players who started off by looking really put out by the fact that Nuneaton had the cheek to tackle them. We conceded the midfield very early on and never got it back, in fact we mainly bypassed it altogether. hoof-ball in a swirling wind, great tactics Gary!

Nuneatons first goal was a tap-in following some comedy defending, the one time our defenders really should have just leathered it they opted not to bother! The pattern of the game thus decided The Shed had to find something to do between neck massages and decided baiting ex-Tamworth manager Ray Bradbury, now doing something or other at Manor Park, fitted the bill nicely. He took it in good spirit but I was disappointed that nobody noticed that he is looking more and more like the bloke out of The League of Gentlemen.

Tamworth did actually put a few attacks together towards the end of the half, Sheldon came close with a curling shot from the edge of the area and we might have had a penalty on 41 minutes when Robinson appeared to be fouled but the referee decided that Robbo's backwards three-and-a-half somersault in the pike position was maybe a dive. That was as good as it got though.

The weather deteriorated after half-time, and Tamworth deteriorated with it, none of the substitutions made a blind bit of difference and the inevitable happened on 58 minutes when another piece of awful defending left Brown one on one with Viega and it was all over. Actually I think they might have scored before we made any subs? Oh well, games like this tend to destroy brain cells quicker than drinking Absinthe.

Another abysmal bit of defending gifted Nuneaton their second, I'm not sure exactly how or why nobody decided to tackle or pick up the run of the Nuneaton forward but they didn't and the game was over.

Or was it? A heavily deflected cross from Des Lyttle somehow squirmed past Acton and we were back in it. So, a do-or-die all-out assault on the Nuneaton goal for the last twenty minutes to salvage some pride in this local derby then? Don't be so bloody stupid, this is the new toothless tigers of Tamworth and they barely created another chance. The game petered out and Nuneaton claimed the bragging rights for a few months.

There was a lot of booing at full-time, I don't necessarily agree with it myself but it's understandable. I don't think Mills has many games left to get this team playing well again, a defeat at Harrogate next week (not an easy game at all) followed by defeat away to Stalybridge in the FA Trophy might just do for him, they say you shouldn't go back to an old club, maybe Gary Mills is regretting doing so.

In a new but welcome innovation, Tamworth's new stand has been built so that spectators have no view of the pitch. (Cheers Trickers!)

Attendance - 1305
Price - £10 Adults £5 Kids
Entertainment Value - 1/10
Randall's new Prodigy tribute act - Scorching

Still No Football So..........

2007-11-05T14:00:00.001Z

Have a picture of an animal that looks like a wrinkly penis with teeth:

Two weeks without football, look at what I'm driven to!

2007-11-03T14:44:00.000Z

Yep, a combination of work and other circumstances have left me football-less for two whole weeks, and once again I find myself stuck in the office without even a radio.
I do, however, have some internet access so what I'm going to do this afternoon is have the Sky Sports vidiprinter and the brand new Non-League Vidiprinter both running and I'm going to blog the action as it comes in!
This will be exciting won't it boys and girls?!

14:49 - The tension is unbearable as kick-off time approaches, I will mostly be following the fortunes of Aston Villa at home to "Premiership Whipping Boys" (Copyright all the tabloids) Derby and Tamworth away at Southport, a place we rarely get anything. I will also add anything else of interest if I can be bothered.

14:52 - In the early kick-offs, The Arse and Man Utd drew 2-2 in the only game Sky seem to have been bothered about for weeks, Celtic have won at Kilmarnock and Hartlepool are winning at Millwall 1-0.

14:58 - Stuttgart have taken the lead at Nurnburg.

15:02 - As I eagerly await the first goal the tension is unbearable...or something.

15:04 - And away we go as Rangers take the lead at home to Inverness and Morecambe score at Chesterfield.

15:06 - Still waiting for something to pop up on the NL Vidiprinter, but as it mostly relys on people at the games texting scores in it will inevitably be behind, still a good idea if it takes off though.

15:08 - Aha! The NL vidiprinter is working and Hayes & Yeading have taken the lead at home to Eastleigh. First Conference, sorry, Blue Square Premier goal comes at The Ray McEnhill where the visitors Grays are 1-0 up against Salisbury.

15:12 - First Premiership goal, Newcastle 0-1 Portsmouth.
Cheshunt are 1-0 up against Cirencester, I've just given the guys on the H&V Aston Villa forum that news, I'm sure they'll be pleased.

15:16 - Newcastle 0-3 Portsmouth, after 11 minutes, blimey!
First goal in Tamuff's division sees Workington take the lead at Solihull Poors.

15:18 - Havant & Waterlooville winning 1-0 against Hampton & Redbridge, if those two teams merged they could be called Hampton & Havant & Redbridge & Waterlooville!

15:22 - After 20 minutes it doesn't appear as if anyone at all has scored in The Championship. Newcassul have pulled one back and Chelski are 2 up at Wigan. Burton and Stafford are both 1-0 down at home to Kiddy and Excreter.

15:25 - Nowt from Villa or Tamuff yet.
Both Mansfiled and 'Uddersfield have notched three already, Klattering have taken the lead at home to Blyth Spartans.

15:28 - We have a Championship goal, Wolves take the lead against Bristol City.
And it appears that whoever was texting the Tamworth scores was just a big tease at The Lambs scored in the fifth and sixth minutes are are 2-0 up - Yippee!!!!

15:33 - The astonishing Leeds revival continues as they take the lead at Carlisle. They would be something like 11 points clear if they hadn't had 15 points deducted, still hate them though.

15:40 - West Brom 2-0 up at Watford, bit of a surprise there.
Alfreton 1-0 up at Harrogate which is probably an even bigger surprise. Boston, Vauxhall and Leigh also winning.

15:45 - Approaching half time and the only Premiership game without a goal is of course at Villa Park!

15:55 - Michael Briscoe and Tony Robinson scored for Tamworth, a win should see us into the top half of the table.

16:02 - Second halves should be starting. Big Ron Atkinson's Halesown Town might be heading for their first win since the daft racist became Director of Football, they are 1-0 up against Tiverton.

16:07 - First goal of the second-half comes from Edgar Street at Hereford go 3-1 up against Darlo.

16:12 Luke Young has just apparently scored a cracker to equalise for the Smog Monsters against Spuds.

16:14 - The Boggies are now 3-0 up at Watford! What's going on there? Reading have equalised at Fulham and the scorer is a player I really wish Villa would sign, Kevin Doyle.

16:17 - QPR have certainly turned things around recently, they are 2-0 up against Hull, as have Walsall who are now also 2-0 up at home to Cheltenham.
And we have gasps of "phew" and "get in" on H&V so I think Villa might finally have scored.

16:20 - Yep! Martin Laursen, lethal from a yard out, 1-0 Villa.
Mansfield become the first team to hit 5, Macc Town being the stufees.

16:23 - H&V is well ahead of SkySports, they are saying 2-0 Villa, Ashley, I say Ashley Young the scorer.

16:26 - It was Luke Moore not our Ashley. Coventry winning 2-0 away at Stoke, there's a few surprises in The Championship.

16:28 - No it was Ashley after all! Ach, who cares?
Vauxhall have equalised against Wusster and Mick Hucknall has taken a shock lead at Stalybridge.

16:32 - DON'T PANIC!! Southport have pulled one back, 2-1 to Tamuff.
Carlisle 2-1 up against Dirty Leeds and Pompey have score four at Newcastle (couldn't happen to two nicer sets of fans!).

16:35 - Leigh RMI are level after pulling back from 2-0 down against Boston.

16:40 - Birmingham City keep picking up points - they have equalised at Everton. Coventry 3-1 up at Stoke.

16:44 - Just waiting for the flurry of last gasp goals that always seem to occur, I'd rather it stayed the same at Haig Avenue though, unless Tamworth nick another one. Stafford 4-1 down to Excreter, looks like they'll be joining us next season.

16:50 - Full-times starting to filter in.
Cambridge Utd have scored to take a late lead at Torquay, and Mick Hucknall is doing well, he's now 2-0 up at Stalybridge.

16:52 - Excreter now 5-1 up at Stafford and Solihull Poors have equalised in the last minute against Workington, 2-2.
HA! Everton win in injury time agains Birmingham!

16:55 - In fact Everton make it three. Kettering have beaten Blyth 1-0.
Oh, and what a flaming surprise, Southport have equalised, well b*gger me with a fish fork!

16:59 - Halesowen didn't get their first win for Big Fat Racist Ron, it finished 1-1 at Tiverton. Leaders of BS North Harrogate have lost 1-0 to Alfreton.
It fifnished 2-2 at Haig Avenue, so we couldn't hold on and we get yet another draw, too many draws this season might cost us a play-off place. Still, I would certainly have taken a point before KO but it's galling to be 2-0 up and not win, I'll await the reports from the faithful that went. Villa did win 2-0 BTW.

There you go, wasn't it fun?

Might do that again if I end up stuck at work when there's football on, it certainly passed the time quickly enough, Byeeee!!!

Tiger Feat - Stourbridge 1 Gloucester City 1 - Carlsberg FA Trophy 1st Qualifying Round - 20/10/07

2007-10-20T18:09:00.000+01:00

If I was a loyal fan I would have been watching Tamworth take on Gainsborough, but I'm a part-timer and anyway I had a previous appointment near Merry Hill and so I found myself at half-past-two wandering the roads of the Black Country in search of a game. The first ground I passed was Dudley Sports but a quick detour and a word with the clubhouse barman told me that they were away at Shawbury so it was a toss-up between Lye and Stourbridge. I prefer to go to Lye when I can have a few beers as The Windsor Castle brew-pub is just up the road so Stourbridge it was, and a FA Trophy game against The Tigers of Gloucester City.

The War Memorial Ground is three-sided as it shares with the local cricket club, the football club don't get on with the cricket club! Stourbridge are forced to play all their pre-season friendlies and even some early season League games away from home because the cricket pitch is in use. They were also marooned for a few seasons in The Midland Alliance because they could not have hard standing down the cricket side of the pitch, this ground grading rule has been waived since the restructuring of the non-league pyramid and Stourbridge are currently in the BGB Southern League Midland & West Division.
In 1974 Stour reached the Welsh Cup Final, they are not, of course, Welsh, but in those days all you needed to do to enter the Welsh Cup was to remove some vowels and add a couple of l's, so it was as Llanstrbrdg that they lost the final to Cardiff City.

Gloucester are a division above in the BGB Premier but are struggling somewhat, which is not entirely surprising given the horrible summer they endured, the floods in the city completely overwhelmed their Meadow Park ground, there were pictures on the internet showing just top of the goalposts above water, depressing stuff. The damage was so bad that Gloucester will not move back, ever. they are hoping to build a new ground (a bit higher above sea-level I presume!) and are currently groundsharing at Forest Green Rovers.
I don't suppose having to trek to Stroud for home matches is helping their attendances but they bought a healthy following to Stourbridge, at least sixty, maybe more, they weren't particularly vocal, maybe they are just too friendly down that way? (Never used to be as I recall from Tamworth going there a couple of times back in the 90's!)

Oi, get behind the barrier woman!

The game kicked off in glorious Autumn sunshine and Gloucester immediately took the game to Stourbridge. In terms of actual league positions there isn't a lot between these sides but Gloucester looked every bit the higher division side in the first half. The trouble was, they couldn't get anything on target. Every shot flew wide, every header went high, every cross just missed the onrushing striker, the Stour keeper was simply not tested.
0-0 at half-time, but certainly not a boring 0-0.
50p for a Bovril at half-time as well, bargain!

I expected more of the same in the second half, but I was wrong, Stourbridge came out transformed. They were also managing to look more dangerous in the box than Gloucester did in the first half but they were tending to over elaborate rather than just getting shots off. I was very impressed by Stour's young midfielder Sam Rock, great name too! His pace and trickery were causing the Gloucester defence all sorts of problems, and it was he who created Stour's goal. Picking up the ball on the edge of the area he created himself a yard of space and hit a shot that was somehow kept out by a combination of goalkeeper and defender, but Mark Bellingham was on hand to stab home the rebound, just when I was thinking I was going to see my first goalless game of the season.

Gloucester finally found some urgency but beside one decent attempt from outside the area still couldn't get the ball on target, seemingly the only way they were going to score was from a penalty, and the referee duly obliged. A shot was blocked by the Stour number 4, and it did indeed hit his hand, but it was hardly deliberate as it was hit straight at him, harsh I thought. To compound his misery the ref also sent him off! Gloucester substitute Sykes rolled home the spot kick and so these two must try again on Wednesday down at Forest Green.

Decent game this, maybe a bit too much hit and hope at times but I've seen a lot worse. I can see both teams climbing their respective tables. As for The War Memorial Ground, I like the place, it will never win any awards for being picturesque but it's a proper ground. There are a high percentage of nutters (in the nicest possible way) amongst their support as well, and that is what gives non-league football it's charm!

Price: £6 Adults £2 Children
Programme: 36 pages £1.30, plenty of reading.
Attendance: 176
Tamworth Watch: 2-2 at home to Gainsborough
Crowd comment of the day: As a small gaggle of Stour fans sang "Red and white Army" one GCFC fan said "Army? More like a British Squadron after an American bombing raid!"
Temper Tantrum of the day: Gloucester's manager turning an alarming shade of purple because a throw-in went the other way! Calm down son!

BREAKING NEWS - New FIFA Directive - No More Penalty Shoot-outs.

2007-10-19T07:55:00.001+01:00

In a bizarre statement this morning the increasingly hatstand FIFA President Sepp Blatter has stated that from January next year penalty shoot-outs will no longer be used to decide the outcome of International matches. Instead, if scores are level after extra time the match will be decided with a game of "Best Man Dead".

"Everyone remembers this game from when they were a child," Blatter said at a baffled press conference earlier today, "I was Best Man Dead in my street five years in a row, it's a great game of skill and strategy and will provide fantastic entertainment for the crowd, especially if the game has been a dull 0-0 draw. We at FIFA are constantly being told that diving, rolling around and feigning of injury by players is ruining the game, well now we have thought of the ideal way to bring these skills INTO the game in an entertaining and innovative way, I have spoken to Cristiano Ronaldo and Dida already and they are delighted."

The rules of Best Man Dead are simple, each team must nominate a 'machine-gunner' and five players to 'die'. The five players from each side must run from the halfway line towards the 'trench' where the 'machine-gunners' are. The 'machine-gunners' must then 'open fire' by pretending they have a machine gun in their hands and shouting "Dagga dagga dagga dagga dagga", bonus points are awarded for the best machine gun noise.
On hearing the gun the onrushing players must 'die' in the best way they can, this could be a simple clutching of the throat accompanied by a shout of "Ach, I am done for, you go on ahead" or maybe a theatrical leap and a blood-curdling "Aaaaieeeee!!!!!!!!!!!"
The winners will be the team that has died the best according to the judges who will be FIFA accredited referees who will have all done the Best Man Dead judging courses currrently being run by Jeff Winter.

This diagram shows an artist's impression of how Best Man Dead could work.
The winner here is obviously the player second from the left as he has gone the extra mile by chopping his left leg off below the knee.

Far Too Much Time On Their Hands!

2007-10-16T21:11:00.000+01:00

I was first alerted to this on an Aston Villa forum Heroes and Villains, basically someone posted a picture of Sam Allardyce (bung taker and Newcastle United manager) on a Sunderland forum and asked people to use their photoshopping skills to alter it somewhat, the end result is this superb Youtube compilation, enjoy:

I Don't Wanna Go To Kings Lynn - Tamworth 2 Kings Lynn 1 - FA Cup (Sponsored by Someone or Other) 3rd Qualifying Round - 13/10/07

2007-10-13T18:27:00.000+01:00

Ah! The magic of the FA Cup, cup fever and all that, load of old rubbish isn't it?
Nah, I love it, although (and here's where I go into **RANT MODE ON** ) it was awfully nice of those lovely people at FA Headquarters to schedule a vital England international match on the same weekend and at the same bloomin' time as a round of what is supposed to be their own premier knock-out competition. Now I have absolutely no interest whatsoever in the England National side, I hate most of the players who play for it and just can't be bothered with the Ingerlund mentality of many of their fans, but for those teams who could not get their games rescheduled to Friday or Sunday or early kick-offs gates would almost certainly be hit. Why couldn't this round of the cup be a week later, or better still, why couldn't the England game have kicked off at 5:30 meaning no organisation problems for the smaller clubs the FA keep saying are so important to them and also a chance to maybe show the England match in the clubhouse afterwards to encourage irresponsible beer drinking and money in the coffers? **RANT MODE OFF**

Anyhow, back to the real football. Tamworth and Kings Lynn have a bit of previous rivalry, we were adversaries in the Dr Martens League, I always remember my own visits to their Walks Stadium as being rather unpleasant. It's fair to say that back then they had a contingent of rather horrible people amongst their support, racism reared it's ugly head too. But let's not dwell on that, they claim to have cleaned up their act, other fans concur and the noisy bunch of 150 or so they bought to The Lamb were fine. They were a little bit obsessed with Tamworth mind, the last chant I would have thought of when you go 1-0 up in a cup tie would be "If you still hate Tamworth clap your hands." but each to their own! They also had one of the most...errr...rotund fans I have seen for a while and he provided a bit of fun for The Shed, but I was disappointed not to hear a chant of "I Predict a Diet".
In Gary Mills Tamworth also have a manager that many Kings Lynn fans still blame for nearly bankrupting them a few years back, unlucky Agent Mills, they are still here!

SPOT THE DIFFERENCE

Tamworth have been playing okay of late, the team seems to be starting to gel, so it was a bit of a surprise to see them play so absolutely dreadful from kick-off. Second to every ball, outfought in midfield, sloppy at the back, it was awful. One of the best things an away team can do is to frustrate and ultimately quieten down a vociferous home crowd, well Tamworth did Kings Lynn's job for them today. After fifteen minutes the Lamb faithful were down to little more than swearing and imploring the players to liven it up.
It was no surprise at all when Kings Lynn took the lead, the dangerous Joe Taylor was given the freedom of the lamb pitch to run forward and pick his spot, he curled a lovely shot low past the despairing grasp of Jose Veiga and the swearing got louder and louder!
I was sensing one of those days, and I probably wasn't alone. We really didn't look like scoring. The referee wasn't endearing himself to the home fans either, now I am not one of those who thinks every ref hates us, usually at this level they are equally rubbish for both sides, but even I was struggling to see how the same challenge could be a free kick when committed by a Tamworth player but no foul when it was the other way round. I can only think the glare from KL's yellow shirts was scrambling his brains.
And then came what is known locally as "The Hanny Factor" after an infamous Tamworth fan who missed many a goal by leaving early for his half-time pie and pint. Just seconds after I had told Mills that this was 45 minutes of my life I wouldn't be getting back Tamworth suffered a rare outbreak of football culminating in a lovely turn and shot by Tony Robinson. 1-1! Totally undeserved as well, smashing! Robinson was by far the worst player on the pitch in the first half, he had the touch of an elephant playing with a beach ball, but this was an instinctive strike from a natural striker, and it also meant game-on.

To be honest, the second-half didn't start much better than the first, it just seemed better because the crowd were at last getting into it and Tamworth had at least started to cut out the mistakes.

In fact it was looking rather like a replay in deepest darkest Norfolk was on the cards, something not many of the home fans were particularly looking forward to I can tell you!
But wait, have faith, a long punt from the back was flicked on to Matty Williams, he laid the ball off to Dave Bampton whose well struck shot beat the keeper and suddenly all was well with the World once more.
Well nearly because **RANT MODE ON** I flippin' well hate that bloody moronic "Easy Easy" chant! We had just sneaked the lead against the run of play against a lower division team who had largely outplayed us and our fans chant "Easy Easy"???!!! No it bloody wasn't! If I were ever granted three wishes by a genie the first one would be to erase all knowledge and all trace memories of Soccer (Soccer, it's Football not Soccer you mindless dimwits at Sky) AM and that horrible Chelski supporting twunt Tim Lovejoy, he and they have so much to answer for. **RANT MODE OFF**

That's better!

We never looked in danger after that, Kings Lynn pushed on as we knew they would but their shooting became increasingly erratic and Tamworth held on, even having time for a patch of "Ole" keep-ball. So another £5000 banked and another good cup run goes on. It could have been oh so different had Kings Lynn took their first-half chances but that's the FA Cup for you, and I wouldn't miss it for the World.

Attendance - 621
Beer - Hobgoblin in the clubhouse again but only one pint as I was driving.
Slugs - None but Dilbs saw a spider.

Classic Own Goals of our time Number Two - Workington Vs Lancaster City - Thanks to DazaB (again).

2007-10-08T10:05:00.000+01:00

If it wasn't for video capable mobile phones this poor Lancaster player would have been spared eternal ridicule and internet infamy, shame!

Just listen to the sympathy oozing from the fans!

Classic Own Goals of Our Time - Number 1 - Daniel Fletcher (Hucknall) Vs Southport

2007-10-07T12:08:00.001+01:00

Fletcher gave away the free-kick, escaped a booking but could not escape the Divine Intervention!

Bewdley have The XXX Factor - Pilkington XXX 0 Bewdley Town 3 - FA Carlsberg Vase 1st Round - 06/10/07

2007-10-06T21:24:00.000+01:00

One major advantage that my minority hobby of Teamhopping has over those gloryhunters who Groundhop is that I can go to the same ground twice in a row if I feel like it, and as I had seen neither of these two protagonists in this FA Vase tie before I made an immediate revisit to The Triplex Sports Ground, and this time I even remembered my camera! Actually my mind had been made up by the Pilkington Webmaster / Programme Editor Ian McDonald who had spotted this blog on one of my not-so-subtle plugs on the Tony Kempster's Forum. He somehow deduced who I was as I turned up at about twenty minutes to kick-off and was very apologetic that he had sold out of programmes, this was no real hassle for me as I'm not an avid collector but he arranged to send me one anyway, and then talked the brother of the programme printer into giving me his copy! Good work all round and very appreciated, thanks Ian, although he was probably ensuring I gave this trip a good write up!
Either way, have a link to your website, it's very good. Both the programme and the website do a great job of explaining the evolution of Triplex Safety Glass FC to Pilkington XXX via Triplex FC, Richmond Swifts, Kings Norton Town and Burman Hi-Ton.

Spot the Steve Foster impersonator

I have always loved the FA Vase, it provided probably THE highlight of my Tamworth supporting career when we won it in 1989 and attracted a then record crowd of over 27,000 to Wembley. Tamworth have since gone on to reach greater heights in the non-league World but that day was special. Looking around the crowd it seemed that Bewdley had subscribed to this as well, they had bought plenty of support, I'm not sure what sort of crowds they get for league games, I'll certainly try to make the trip this season though.

Both these sides are at the same level in the Pyramid (step 6) albeit in different leagues (Pilkington are in the Midland Combination Premier and Bewdley are in the West midland League Premier) and both have similar records so far, so a tight game was expected. It didn't start out that way though. Possibly inspired by the support from their home town Bewdley started off much the better of the two teams, in Lewis Pountney they have one of the more prolific of local strikers and alongside James Hart they made a very pacy attack. Pilkington had a striker of their own that I recognised, I'll leave the name out for now as I'm setting it as a little quiz for my regular Tamworth FC readers!

<-- Go on- who's this ex-Tammie then?

I spoke to his Dad as well, but as he is better known as Beelzebub amongst us Villa fans I didn't shake his hand!

It came as no surprise that Bewdley took the lead after 20 minutes, Pountney latching onto a long ball, rounding the keeper and slotting home, and seven minutes later they beat the offside trap again Hart made it two. It looked like game over at this point and Pilkington's heads could well have dropped but they rallied themselves and started to create some chances. If they had taken one of a couple of clear headed chances they may have gone into the break in much better spirits but it remained 2-0.

I had to rely on a phone-call to find out that Tamworth were drawing 0-0 at Stalybridge but it was impossible to avoid the fact that England had somehow overcome Australia in the egg-chasing, bloody good result though, I have very little interest in any sport where large sweaty men spent a lot of time hugging but apparently England had absolutely no chance and yet won, marvellous. Villa were 1-0 up against the kit-stealers too.

Pilkington were much the better side at the start of the second-half and created several chances, including a couple of one-on-ones that they should have put away, but as these chances were missed so Bewdley realised that this was going to be their day. Pilkington were lucky to still have eleven men on the pitch halfway through the half, Andrew Johnson (no not that one) talked his way into the referee's book and then had an amazing five minutes of sulking petulance where he barged opposition defenders, gobbed off and generally acted like a prima-donna, somehow he stayed on but maybe if he had concentrated more on scoring then Pilkington could have grabbed the goal that just might have sparked their comeback.

Alas for them it wasn't to be and they seemed to tire through their efforts, Bewdley sensed this and they started to take advantage of the gaps created as Pilkington pushed forward in their desperation. They put the tie beyond doubt five minutes before full-time with a goal that I didn't see because I was watching a match between some kids on the grass at the side of the pitch!

Trainspotters - if you look carefully, here's one for you.

There aren't that many non-league grounds left in Birmingham any more, certainly compared with The Black Country, and I have enjoyed my two trips down to Kings Norton. Ian, you have your good write-up! Nice programme by the way, cheers.

Attendance - 67 (I counted 68, pretty impressive eh!)
Price - £3 (Cameron free, as seems to be the norm around here)
Programme - 32 pages, plenty of HT reading, £1
Tamuff Watch - 0-0, another clean sheet.

Careless Wispa - Cadbury Athletic 1 Brocton 1 - Midland Combination Premier Division 02/10/07

2007-10-02T22:42:00.000+01:00

Just before I left the house I told myself that the last thing I should do is forget my camera, and sure enough, the last thing I did as I left the house was to forget my camera! I really am a complete amateur at this blogging lark!
This is why this report is accompanied by a picture lifted from their website (I have asked permission and will remove it if asked Internet Police) which is a photo of a ground they don't even play at! It's a shame that the actual Cadbury Sports Ground isn't good enough for this level because it's a cracker, although being in the totally dry Quaker village of Bourneville you can't get a pint. Cadbury Athletic meanwhile are groundsharing at the Triplex Sports Ground in Kings Norton, itself a fairly dry place if your poison of choice is real ale, but I digress (as usual).

I tell you what, if you want pictures you could do a lot worse than to take a look at one of the finest non-league websites in existence, Pyramid Passion specifically the section on Pilkington XXX. they are much better photos than the rubbish I'd have taken with my box brownie anyway.

Cameron got a rare treat(?) tonight and was allowed to accompany me on a school night, he was dissapointed to have missed the (Turkish?) Delights of Greenhill so was loath to miss this one. We arrived just before kick-off in a very light drizzle which was just enough to give your kids a treat, no sorry, to make the grass a bit slippy and the ball skid through. The Triplex Sports Ground has quite a sizeable slope down into one corner, but the grass was immaculate. It's a tidy little ground which appears to have been cut into a grass bank, there's one small stand one the far touchline (the railway side) with the dugouts next to it, it's surrounded by factories, was it perhaps an old Birmingham Works League ground? Dunno, I'm no expert!

Both these teams are mid-table in a tight looking league, one point and three places separating them so I expected a tight game and that is what we got. A cagey opening meant the game was looking for some Heroes, unfortunately nobody had a box so we carried on watching a fairly dull
game instead.

Brocton looked the more likely to open the scoring, and after testing the Flakey looking defence with a couple of early high balls they opened the scoring in exactly that fashion, the ball was launched into the Aero, the Cadbury defence went missing and allowed the Brocton forward a free header which he steered into the bottom corner. It was no more than Brocton deserved at the time but it seemed to wake Cadbury up a bit.

I don't remember too many actual goalscoring chances for either side, the game was compacted into midfield and no player seemed to possess the skill or Twix to open up the defences. (That was a really poor pun, sorry!)

With about five minutes to the half-time Time Out Cadbury got a Boost and scored their equaliser, a speculative shot from outside the area seemed to pick up pace off the greasy surface and just eluded the outstretched Fingers of the Brocton keeper before Nestleing into the bottom corner.

Half-time was spent pretending to be interested in the Champions League scores in the bar, part of a nice looking Club attached to the ground. This is where I found the rest of the alleged 41 spectators that the Midland Combination website said attended the match, I counted 22! Mind you, I never count obvious club officials and any glum looking blokes in tracksuits who are obviously the players who didn't make the team this time!

The second half was pretty woeful, what chances there were fell to Brocton and the Cadbury keeper made a couple of fine low saves to keep them in it. I can't see either of these two teams being anywhere near the promotion shake-up at the end of the season to be honest, they worked hard but there was very little Quality (Street).

I may be back here on Saturday, currently the Midland Combination website has both Cadbury Athletic AND Pilkington XXX at home in the FA Vase, that could be interesting! Most likely one has been switched to Sunday but I don't know which one, and no one I spoke to had a clue either.

Attendance - 41
Price - £3 (Cameron was free)
Programme - £1
Potential for crap chocolate puns - Endless
Quality of chocolate puns - Very, very poor indeed.

Crap Badges Of Our Time - Number One - Southam United

2007-10-01T19:02:00.001+01:00

What were they thinking?
I suppose they are nicknamed The Saints, but come on!
Still, they can cut it up and use it if the signs on the clubhouse toilets fall off I suppose.
Look at it, yes it has a classic shield shape but that is it's only redeeming feature.
STICK MEN (AND WOMEN!). Why? Did someone give the design over to a five year old on a school project?
I suppose now someone will come back and tell me that it's a clever pastiche on the old Ian Olgilvy 'Saint' programme, well you can try, because it won't wash, this badge is pants.

Anyone got any better examples?

Finally - Back To Some Football

2007-10-01T12:04:00.000+01:00

After a football-less week due to work I will be off to watch a match tomorroe evening, Cadbury Athletic V Brocton in the Midland Combination Premier Division most likely.
Meanwhile, a quick catch-up on what's happened since I last posted.

Tamworth won again, gaining revenge on Worcester City for the league debacle chronicled here a couple of weeks back. This time a Matty Williams strike early in the second half was enough to give The Lambs a 1-0 victory and a place in todays 3rd round qualifying draw. There's also the small matter of £3750 prize money but unfortunately most of that was taken up by increased policing costs due in no small measure to Worcester manager Andy Preece's increasingly deranged rants to the local press about how intimidating The Lamb is! No other manager seems to mind, and Preece is the only one to insist that no Tamworth fans are allowed to stand behind his dug-out! Mr. Preece, just because you are paranoid it doesn't mean we are not out to get you!

Talking of the FA Cup, there were a few shocks, ones that stood out for me were Harrogate Railway winning the battle of the Trainspotters against Leigh RMI and Matlock Town dumping perennial giantkillers (under their old Telford United guise) and BS North high-fliers AFC Telford out.
Another tie which caught my eye was AFC Wimbledon away at a team I had never heard of before, Debenham Leisure Centre. I was hoping that Debenham would win and get through to the 1st round proper if only so that during the classified results we might get James Alexander Gordon on the BBC saying:

"Mansfield Town 2 Debenham Leisure Centre 0 - other leisure centres belonging to other department stores are available."

Will update with who Tamuff have drawn in the cup later.

***EDIT***

Oh Lordy, it's Kings Lynn at home.
There's some previous here, the previous being that Kings Lynn had the most obnoxious set of racist supporters I had the misfortune to encounter during our time in the Dr Martens League, and yes I HAVE been to Grantham and Worksop.
What fun!

Disclaimer

2007-09-23T11:36:00.001+01:00

Am I Supposed To Be At Home? does not condone the over indulgence of alcoholic beverages.

It is not big and it's not clever, it ruins your jeans and knackers your knees.

Please drink responsibly.

Workington The Chain Gang - Tamworth 2 Workington 0 Blue Square North 22/09/07

2007-09-22T23:00:00.000+01:00

Must think of a decent pun for the headline,
"Workington 9 to 5"? No sorry Scott, not good enough.
"Hi ho, hi ho, it's off to Work(ington) we go"? No, no no, that is crap and anyway we're not going to Workington, we're at home!

Ah, sod it, who needs puns when you play this good? Yep, Tamworth were superb today, is this the turning point of the season? Time will tell of course but after a couple of decent performances where the ball just wouldn't go into the net Tamworth finally turned possession into goals and grabbed a vital three points which may just be the launch pad for an assault on the play-off places. Okay so I might be getting ahead of myself, but coming into this game Workington were fifth and we totally outplayed them, forgive me for being just a tad optimistic here!

You have to give credit to anyone who travels from Cumbria to Tamworth to watch their team, and I was all prepared to do so as I met various of their fans both on the train and around town, but the three fans I spoke to were from Stoke, Sheffield and Nottingham! All three stated that they see Workington away far more than at home. Still, on my head count there were about 40 Workington fans at The Lamb, some of whom no doubt made the full journey, as will the Tamworth die-hards for the return fixture, it's what we do!

Pre-match refreshments were once again taken at The Albert and The White Lion, if the gaffer at The White Lion is reading, or if anyone knows him, yes we know we outstayed our welcome with the kid, but we love your pub and we won't do it again!

From the kick-off Tamworth took the game to Workington, within five minutes Matt Williams had forced a superb double save from the Workington keeper, who looked like he had just finished his paper round. I then, with my usual impeccable timing, went for a bacon and onion bap and missed Williams giving Tamuff the lead, I did see the net bulge but I am far too overweight to go for superstitious bacon bap every time we need a goal.

It really was one way traffic after that as well, Tamworth were so dominant that my Tammy pessimism kicked in, of course Workington will equalise! For once the pessimism was unfounded, on the stroke of half time a speculative shot from Tony Robinson somehow squirmed under the keeper's arms and it was 2-0 and effectively all over.

And so it transpired, Workington huffed and puffed in the second half but never looked likely to get back into the game. They look far too limited to make an impression on this league, defending high and relying on an offside trap will not work against anyone with a speedy striker.

On the way home I fell over and gashed my knee open, but I wasn't drunk - honest!

Admission - £10
Programme - Yes, didn't buy it though.
Attendance - 768
Beer - Far too much - again!
Slugs - None killed as far as I know
Chances of writing something when more soberer - Priceless

"What means teamhopper"?

2007-09-18T01:33:00.000+01:00

I've managed to overcome my rampant technophobia enough to install one of them nifty little analytical gizmos that tells me how many people visit this blog and where they come from. It's very anoraky but I can see how it could be useful. I am very disappointed that so far only one person appears to have visited me directly after perusing a porn site though!

One thing it does is tell me if anyone has found this site using a search engine, and so far seven people have. It also tells me what search terms they used. To all you old blogging hands this is probably very old hat but to me it's fascinating. I can see how someone arrived here by searching for "Jack Mould" for instance, but I am less sure why anyone would even need to search for:

andy preece +technophobe

I don't know if the Worcester manager has the same problems as me with technology and I can't really see why anyone would be that interested.

Today someone found me by entering:

what means teamhopper

I hope he (or she) found the answer they were looking for!

A Kick In The Bantocks - Bilston Town (2007) 3 Penkridge Town 2 - Sport Italia West Midlands League Division Two - 15/09/07

2007-09-15T17:52:00.000+01:00

Bilston Town are a famous old name in Black Country non-league football, I can remember The Steelmen playing in the Southern League and my Dad remembers them having a couple of superb FA Cup runs in the late 60's / early 70's when both Halifax and Barnet were visitors to their Queen Street ground.
I have always liked Queen Street, it's a proper football ground, unfortunately it is in a...errr..well, not exactly posh area! Apparently it got broken into that often that the owner of the Social Club on the ground just used to leave a few cans out for the scrotes to pinch so they didn't get frustrated and trash the place. Unfortunately a combination of these break-ins and some alleged problems with money being owed by the last chairman (I say alleged because I was only over-hearing a conversation, I have no proof). Then there was the inevitable walk out of unpayed manager and players and another club folds, it's all so sad but we've all been here before.

But the Bilston name lives on, the latest reincarnation named Bilston Town (2007) have been given a lease on a pitch at Bantock Park just outside Wolverhampton City Centre, it's a glorious setting, 43 acres of greenery with a museum and gardens, Cameron can be seen posing in front of Bantock House with a ginger beer in the above picture. It was lovely in the gorgeous Indian Summer sunshine. The pitch is just a basic taped off parks pitch, someone from the council was erecting two gazebos to be used as dugouts and that was your facilities! Still, this IS only a temporary measure, Bilston hope to get Queen Street back into repair sooner rather than later and apparently there is some decent funding to try to move back up the pyramid. Let's hope so.

Luxurious home and away gazebos for the comfort of the substitutes.

And so to the game, Penkridge only had one point before this game and Bilston were coming into it fresh from last weeks 5-1 hammering of Black Country Rangers, so, a foregone conclusion then? Far from it, within a minute Penkridge were 1-0 up, and it was a lovely goal too, chipped over the goalkeeper and in off the far post. Bilston then pressed and went close several times but, as is the way sometimes, went 2-0 down, totally against the run of play but if you don't take your chances.

A bonus point for every type of tree you can name.

Fair play to Bilston though, heads didn't drop and they fought their way back, they always seemed to have plenty of pace up front and they used this to good effect. 2-0 swiftly became 2-1, a decent free kick bought them level and before half-time they were ahead, apologies for the lack of any real detail but I was playing Frisbee with Cameron and a couple of other lads so I didn't really see a lot!

I spent half-time cloud watching, something which can keep me occupied for hours, Cameron went off to play "Wembley" and I day-dreamed my way through a fairly turgid second-half in which Penkridge, playing down the slope, were the better team but were unable to get past the decent Bilston goalkeeper. This is as low as I have been in Pyramid terms but I would have no qualms in returning, there were no facilities, it was a parks pitch but I was surrounded by knowledgeable non-league enthusiasts who just want to see their team return to somewhere near their former glories, it may never happen but it won't be for a lack of trying.

Remind me not to let Cameron loose with the camera.

Attendance - Hard to tell with people wandering up from the surrounding park but of those that were obviously watching pretty much throughout I'd say around 35 - 40.
Programme - No
Refreshments - Lovely little cafe attached to Bantock House, who needs a burger stand?
Clouds - Spotted one that looked just like Elvis, he wasn't sitting on a toilet though.
Tamworth Watch - Drew 0-0 at home to Barrow, missed two penalties, apparently played better than last week but that is hardly difficult.

Whither Jack Mould?

2007-09-13T11:13:00.000+01:00

Tuesday night's game was in The Jack Mould Cup, but just who is or was Jack Mould?
Extensive Google searching has bought me no answer, I have even asked the good people on Tony Kempster's forum but even they don't seem to know, maybe an e-mail to someone involved in running The Midland combination will yield an answer, I'll try that later I think.

**EDIT**

A bit of info at last, from 'rodh' on the Tamworth forum

"For your info Jack Moulds Athletic's ground was in Streetsbrook Road on the border of Solihull and Hall Green. The entrance was a few yards up from Gospel Lane. I am unfortunately old enough to have seen a game there but to my eternal regret not got a programme. The ground was sold and is now part of Robin Hood cemetery. Not dying to revisit the site (boom,boom)

Jack Mould I believe was a successful businessman in Birmingham and was a big supporter of the Midland Combination.
that is why he is still remembered with affection"

Still, if anyone knows anything more about our Jack then please leave a comment, ta.

There Is A Predictable Headline Not Far Away - Greenhill 0 Castle Vale JKS 6 - Jack Mould Cup 1st Round - 11/09/07

2007-09-11T22:28:00.000+01:00

To start my midweek football fix this season I decided on a new ground and two new teams. I don't know why I haven't been to Beeches View before, I have just never got round to it. Right let's lay some ground rules here, yes I am a non-league enthusiast, and yes I know a bit about the local non-league scene, but if you come here expecting loads of facts and figures about the games I go to then you will be sadly disappointed!

1. I have no idea what the Jack Mould Cup is, I know from Google that Wernley Athletic won it last season, and I found on the wondrous Football Club History Database that there used to be a Worcestershire Combination Club called Jack Mould's Athletic, and that's about it, sorry.

2. I know very little about Greenhill. They are one of those clubs that just seem to appear from nowhere in the lower divisions of the Midland combination and hang around for a while before disappearing back into amateur or Sunday league football, but I am probably doing them a disservice.

In fact I know I am because despite my ignorance they are a wonderfully welcoming club, they groundshare with Cradley Town at the aforementioned Beeches View, which is definitely NOT an easy ground to find. Myself and my mate and driver for the night Dave Woodhall spent a while wandering around a Cradley Heath housing estate before suddenly finding ourselves in open countryside and farmland. Knowing we had gone too far and thinking we had somehow teleported to Wales we doubled back and as quickly as we were in trees and fields we were back in the middle of houses! Truly bizarre really! Anyhow we made it before kick off and set about counting the crowd. It looked good for a single figure attendance for a short while, something Woodhall obsesses about, his lowest ever is 6 and he'd love to beat it, but more people drifted in, possibly because this is International week and there are no games on the telly tonight.

A view across Beeches View and the glorious countryside of...err...Cradley Heath!

I was pleasantly surprised to see that a programme was available so I snapped one up and walked around to the ramshackle little red and black painted stand on the right hand side as you look from the entrance, there is a larger stand (The Alfabet Stand according to the sign on the roof) at the far end but no one had bothered to walk that far. One thing that did stand out was that the away dugout was on the opposite side of the pitch to the home dugout. Saves all those niggly arguments I suppose. We had just about sat down when Castle Vale opened the scoring with a superbly taken lob over the goalkeeper from about twenty yards out. And if we thought that was good then Vale's second will take some beating no matter how many games I go to this season, it was an absolute screamer from fully thirty yards which even did that nice little trick of getting lodged in the stanchion as it arrowed into the top corner, marvellous stuff and less than ten minutes gone!

There was only one team in it throughout, although Castle Vale were unable to extend their lead before half-time. I missed their third as I was still in the tidy clubhouse, watched them walk in a fourth, missed the fifth because we were leafing through a found copy of a Cradley Town programme before seeing Vale wrap up a comprehensive victory with a well taken sixth. Bloody good entertainment for the free admission I must say.

To me Castle Vale JKS look too good for the level they are at (Midland combination Division 2 or level 8), they may well be a team that have come through the junior ranks together (JKS are a community club with a full range of junior teams), they have a lot of talent in their ranks judging by this performance, it could have been double figures and Greenhill couldn't have had many causes to complain.

Finished off the night with a swift pint in the Bull and Bear near Halesowen and got home to see that Tamworth had somehow managed to get themselves knocked out of the Birmingham senior Cup 2-3 at home to Sutton Coldfield, ho hum!

Price - FREE!!
Programme - £1, love the scratchings adverts.
Attendance - 27 (head count)

A Slight Correction and a Clarification on seeing Villa Park from the Train!

2007-09-11T03:43:00.000+01:00

I have been informed that the area behind the Worcester dugout on Saturday was not fenced off due to the possibility of a certain Mr. Colley getting some abuse from the Tamworth fans, no, apparently it was at the request of Worcester manager Andy Preece who obviously couldn't hack the "gentle ribbing" he may have got from our more vociferous fans when he was last at The Lamb with Carlisle.

What a wuss! That's the first time I have seen that happen since the dugouts were moved from the main stand side to The Shed. Even Liam Daish came back for more and he really did get a bucket-load of abuse a few seasons back.

Meanwhile over at Tinpot Terrace the forum regulars have been busy providing yet more examples of public transport groundspotting. This could really catch on you know!

According to DazaB, on the Coventry - Nuneaton line you get a view of both Coventry City's Ricoh Arena and Coventry Rugby Club's Butt's Park Arena. Now I'm not sure I should allow an egg-chasers ground but as it has a mildly amusing name it stays for now.

Medibot tells me that you get a view of the back of Sutton United's Gander Green Lane Ground from the Sutton - Wimbledon Thameslink line and also Caersws in Wales has the Cambrian Coast line in full view of the pitch and passing drivers honk their horns in support of Caersws when they pass during a match.

Finally ISIHAC is getting confused about my assertion that you cannot see Villa Park from the train. Let me make it clear that this is only on my usual trip from New Street to Tamworth, I am quite aware that Villa Park is spottable from the Cross City Line between Aston and Witton but I will be doing this line at a later date as there are other grounds to spot on this journey.

The Wusster Post Mortem and Part 3 of Groundspotting from Public Transport

2007-09-09T16:41:00.000+01:00

Turns out that the spot of bother I witnessed at the end of yesterday's game was caused by the consummate professional Gerry Taggart reacting to a comment from a Tamworth fan about his "performance". If this is the case then he should never play for Tamworth FC again, it's not like he would be missed judging by his heartless display anyway. If Gary Mills must keep bringing in these old pro's giving them one last pay packet before they go off and run a pub or something then they could at least repay him and the fans by looking like they care. We've had some decent players of a certain vintage down The Lamb in recent years, Steve Walsh and Bob Taylor spring immediately to mind (we won't mention a certain Mr. Merson!), Taggart isn't fit to lace their boots I'm afraid, on yer bike son.

On a cheerier but more anoraky note, I did some more public transport groundspotting on the way to the game.
Pulling out of Birmingham New Street you can easily spot St. Andrews, home of Birmingham City, I don't like them though, they smell strange and don't have opposable thumbs.
You then pass pretty close to the much, much nicer and altogether more fantastic Villa Park, but you can't see it from the train, thought I'd mention it anyway.

Just past The Fort shopping park and fort Dunlop on the left you soon pass The Vale Stadium, once home to the now defunct Paget Rangers but these days home to Midland Combination side Castle Vale Kings Heath.

Finally, on the final run in to Tamworth as you go over the railway arches you can see The Lamb, I always make sure i point this out to Cameron but then again I am very sad.

Can I Just Be A Groundhopper Please? Tamworth 0 Worcester City 2 - Blue Square North 08/09/07

2007-09-08T22:31:00.000+01:00

Okay, what I really should do is sleep on this and write a sober reflection on this game between two old adversaries, but sod it, let's get the anger out of the way. We (and for those of you stumbling upon this blog for the first time, I am a Tamworth fan) were absolute garbage......again.

When we were finally put out of our Conference misery and suffered relegation last season most fans thought that Tamworth would, if not walk this "poxy league", then at least be up there and challenging. On this performance we should be more concerned with the relegation spots than the play-off places. This was a woeful performance against a team that did not have to rise much above dross level themselves to grab all three points.

Pre-match talk was centered around whether Nick "I've got cancer me, honest guv" Colley would play for Wusster, look him up on Wikipedia if you want to know why he isn't the most popular person at The Lamb. In the end he was named as a substitute and this lead to the area behind the away dugout in The Shed being roped off. Blimey, do they not trust us to be nice or something? Personally I don't care about Colley, he doesn't deserve even as much as my contempt.

Anyway, this match started off for me and Cameron the same as any most other Tamuff games, with a train journey from Brum, we met a few Wusster fans on the train, we won't mention the "pissbag" (Papa's not got a brand new one of them!) for fear of embarrassing the lads, but they did live up to the "Wuss" in Wusster by getting a taxi from the station to the beer festival despite it being only a short walk. Yep, you saw right, there was a beer festival, and yes I did partake in a few scoops, top one, nice one, sorted!

Met up with my old mate Graham and his son Scott after that and stopped off in The White Lion, always a pleasure to drink in there, and then we made our way to The Lamb. So far so good, and then the bloomin' game started.

The Wusster fans, having a damn sight more fun than the rest of us.

Ach, I can't be bothered to explain just how dismal this game was, suffice to say that I gave my man of the match to the lady in the tea hut, and I didn't even have a cup of tea. Gerry Taggart ballsed up to present Wusster with a goal before half time, we all thought that Tamworth would come out fighting in the second half but it seems that they couldn't be arsed and Wusster grabbed a second late in the second half. I'd like to write a more incisive match report but the insipidness of the Tamworth performance has drained all....meh! God it was crap.

Hang on, there was one bright spot, youth teamer Luke Edwards had a cracking match, if only the rest of the team could take note. Luke at least looked like he was proud to pull on the shirt,the rest of them looked like they would rather be anywhere but on the pitch. There was a spot of nastiness at the end when the players walked off, not sure if this was Colley related or piss-poor performance related.

Cameron wanted to see the England - Israel game so post-mortems were held in The White Lion, good job too as it gave me a chance to confront the Tamworth Slug Murderer:

The Tamworth Slug Murderer with her medal for slug murdering - yeah, you can look smug, slug killer.

Can I just say here and now that Tamworth FC are a family club and I do not condone the killing of slugs and snails, and if the rumours of Henry and the hedgehog are true then I am truly appalled.

Seriously though, congrats to Julie for completing the Race For Life (42 minutes wasn't it?). Well done youthette.

Price - £10 Adult £5 Child
Food - Cameron enjoyed his hot dog as usual
Beer - The Hobgoblin was very nice indeed, kudos!
Attendance - 919
Entertainment - None if you were a Tamuff fan!

Groundspotting from public transport Part 2

2007-09-05T10:22:00.000+01:00

I have been reminded by my good Worcester City supporting friend DazaB over on Tinpot Terrace that if you look to your left whilst travelling on the Hinckley - Leicester line you get a brilliant view of Midland Alliance side Friar Lane and Epworth's Knighton Lane East ground.

Cheers for that Daza, might see you Saturday.

Interlude - Groundspotting on public transport Part 1

2007-09-04T10:48:00.000+01:00

Okay so now this IS sad, over the years I have noticed that you can spot many football grounds from buses, trains and even trams, so, as a gift to the blogging community, here's your starter for 10.

On the train from Exmouth to Exeter (The Avocet Line apparently) you trundle past two grounds, firstly on the right hand side on the way out of Exmouth you will see Exmouth Town's King George V ground which has (and how do I know this I hear you ask?) the largest playing area in the Devon area, so there.
Secondly, as you approach the outskirts of Exeter and just before St.James Park station you can crane your neck upwards and catch a glimpse of one of the stands of Exeter Cit's ground on the left hand side.

Interesting huh? If anyone has any more examples of this wonderful hobby then they will be gratefully recieved and if I am ever in the area I'll look out for them...woo!