Saturday, 19 June 2010

I want to Meet Howard Marks if I can - World Cup 2010 Day 10 Preview.

Game 27 - Slovakia v Paraguay

Slovakia will be represented by: Buddy Holly, "Ben Hur", space monkey, Mafia

Paraguay will be represented by: Hula hoops, Castro, Edsel is a no-go

I like Hula Hoops, especially the beef flavour, okay so that daft bugger Joel was almost certainly on about the pointless things that you, err, what exactly can you do with a fucking hula hoop? Buddy Holly wrote some great tunes. 1-0

Ben Hur was a tedious film that happened to have a chariot race, Castro was another commie. This obsession with communists and baseball is very boring Billy. Ben Hur shades it. 2-0

Space Monkey?? I assume this is a reference to the monkeys that NASA and others sent up in space for the wholly admirable reason that they wanted to know what would happen if they sent a monkey into space. Edsel was the car that Ford couldn't sell. No one scores. 2-0

Game 27 - Slovakia win

Game 28 - Italy v New Zealand

Italy will be represented by: U-2, Syngman Rhee, payola and Kennedy

New Zealand wil be represented by: Chubby Checker, "Psycho", Belgians in the Congo

Chubby Checker was a prolific singer/songwriter who must have been totally pissed off with everybody shouting "Do The Twist" at his concerts. His pleas of "But I wrote hundreds of songs, can I just sing something from my new album?" falling on deaf ears every time. Bono is a cunt. (Yes I know Joel is on about the spy plane but any excuse to call Bono a cunt must be used. 0-1

Syngman Rhee was the first president of South Korea (yep Korea again, I never realised how shit these lyrics actually are, I will NEVER listen to this osng again). Psycho is a classic. 0-2

Payola is something to do with giving radio stations money in exchange for airplay I think, maybe Joel snuck this in there because he did it! The Belgians were no worse in their colonisation of The Congo than either Britain or America have been elsewhere. Can't pick a winner here. 0-2

Game 28 - New Zealand win

Game 29 - Brazil v Ivory Coast


Brazil will be represented by: Hemingway, Eichmann, "Stranger in a Strange Land"

Ivory Coast will be represented by: Dylan, Berlin, Bay of Pigs invasion

I've never read any Hemingway, never felt the need really. Dylan was the hippy rabbit in The Magic Roundabout and was always going to win this one. 0-1

Brazil were always on a bit of a loser when they drew Adolf Eichmann, as the so called "Architect of the Holocaust" i.e. the man who masterminded the Final Solution, he certainly didn't just suffer from a bad press. I once got so drunk in Berlin that I forgot. That's it, I just forgot. 0-2

I'm not going to do the last one, it would mean pretending that I know what Stranger in a Strange Land is about, or pretending to give a damn about that or the Bay of Pigs. 0-2

Game 29 - Ivory Coast win

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